Previously on Wynonna Earp, Wynonna went on a vision quest to learn the backstory behind the Earp curse and how everything we’ve seen so far this season is interconnected: the Widows and Constance Clootie were the wives of the demon sheriff of Purgatory Clootie, who laid the curse on Wyatt Earp; Bobo Del Rey was a friend of Wyatt who was the first person shot by Peacemaker after the curse was laid; Father Juan Carlos was present at the entrapment of the Widows; and the third seal is Doc’s ring, which belonged to Constance. We also learned for sure that Waverly is not a full Earp, that Bobo has acted to protect Waverly in the past, and that due to Wynonna being dead for 77 seconds, Bobo has resurrected. Deep breath.
When we begin this episode, Wynonna and Waverly are practicing sparring. This is AWESOME because they both look great and Waverly is getting to show off some ninja skills, but also now I feel bad about myself because I can’t do a back handspring period and Wynonna is doing it while pregnant. The sisters are preparing for a showdown with the Widows. (Favorite line of the episode: Waverly notes of Constance Clootie, “Her outfits were so fiercely non-polygamous.”) Wynonna, who is surprisingly chipper given that doom is constantly looming over their heads, asks for and is granted the night off, but doesn’t let on that she knows what/where the third seal is.
Somewhere in town, Doc walks into a very old timey shop and talks with the shopkeeper in equally old timey language. Seriously. That’s the only way to describe it. The shopkeeper is interested in Doc’s ring, but Doc won’t sell. The shopkeeper shows him a painting of what looks like an Earp girl looking at the Homestead, so of course Doc immediately says he’ll buy it. After he leaves, we see that the shopkeeper is a demon (complete with spiked tail, in case there was any doubt) who killed the real shopkeeper. At this point, Purgatory is probably 90% demons, 10% oblivious humans.
At Shorty’s, Dolls offers Rosie a spa gift card for her help in recreating the serum to keep his inner dragon in check. Doc shows up and announces he’ll be having dinner at Wynonna’s that night, then leaves with nary a look to Rosie, whose face pinches together tightly as she seems on the verge of tears. Some people just don’t belong to anyone but themselves.
At Scooby HQ, Waverly is totally not over Nicole’s actions from the last episode and she walks the border between passive aggressive and aggressive. The following is their actual exchange:
Nicole: A body’s been found.
Waverly: Oh, you sure it wasn’t someone else’s body that you stole and hid because you thought you had the right to make that utterly not your decision?
The body, which has been burned beyond recognition, wears the ID of Tucker Gardner (although really, who hasn’t seen enough CSI episodes to know it’s probably some other person’s body that was burned to allow the real criminal to escape?). Beth Gardner shows up to identify the body when it’s taken to the sheriff’s office. Or rather, the Widow in Beth’s body shows up and she’s about as good at pretending to be a normal human being as a 9th grade drama student is at playing Juliet Capulet in the school production of “Romeo and Juliet.” She pretends to faint and when she awakens, Waverly is there taking care of her.
Not Beth tries to make it sound cute that Tucker was a creepy stalker obsessed with Waverly, but Nicole, who has just walked into the room, is having none of it. After Not Beth leaves, taking with her the ring Tucker was wearing, Nicole and Waverly start fighting over the boundaries in their relationship and the moral implications of hiding information from your partner. Like every lesbian couple does at least twice a month.
At the Homestead, Doc unveils the painting he bought for Wynonna only to discover that what had been the Earp girl now looks like a grim zombie. “It looked more pleasing in the shop,” Doc murmurs, and I make a snorking sound of laughter. Wynonna, feeding him what looks like macaroni and cheese and chopped up hotdogs with a dessert of Twizzlers (is this pregnancy cravings, or has this show been looking in my pantry again?), asks what he was doing at the Salt Flats and learns that the Stone Witch, Constance Clootie, was decapitated.
Doc learns, in turn, that he is the bearer of the third seal, which has been attracting a whole lot of demonic activity to him. Meanwhile, the picture is continuing to get creepier and creepier. Now the girl’s doll is staring out of the painting with a blank white face. Wynonna tells Doc that she wants to destroy the third seal, kill Sheriff Clootie, and end the curse, and when we see the painting again, the doll is gone. Aw hell naw.
Rosie has invited Waverly to the spa to chill out. Waverly is having a tough time relaxing, however, and also something probably dark and evil is watching. Because that’s what happens at spas: people try to murder you.
Doc is not particularly happy about the idea of Wynonna destroying the key to his immortality, nor does he have confidence that Wynonna can kill Sheriff Clootie. The former because it turns out he’s afraid of aging and dying just like everyone else, and the latter because if Wyatt couldn’t kill Clootie, what hope does Wynonna have? He tells her that he has dedicated his life to protecting her, which would be sweeter if he wasn’t still getting frisky with Rosie.
Wynonna knows that Doc’s protestations that he has no problem giving up the ring are a lie though because during her vision quest she saw Robert Svain/Bobo Del Ray offer to help him out of the well in return for the ring and he refused. Doc flips out at being called a coward and tries to storm off, but Wynonna can’t find the keys to the car…undoubtedly because the doll in the painting has taken them and took the car to Murder Tools ‘R’ Us.
At casa de Gardner, Not Beth is throwing Constance Clootie’s rings to find the location of the third seal. When she gets an answer, she heads out to get the seal herself without informing Not Mercedes. So much for sister wives. Meanwhile, in the basement of Shorty’s, Dolls and Jeremy are trying to gather more intelligence on the second seal and the Widows. As they leave, they discover a fingernail. Putting two and two together, they realize that Not Beth is one of the Widows. I don’t know how they’re just realizing this considering that Wynonna reached this conclusion awhile ago, but okay, communication is clearly an area of improvement for the Scoobies.
At the spa, Nicole is anxiously texting Waverly, who…kisses Rosie. Oh no she didn’t! Pause for a second. This is like a telenovela: Rosie is the sort of girlfriend of Doc, who is the possible father of the baby of Wynonna, who is Waverly’s sister. Rosie is probably a demon, Doc is over a century old, Wynonna is the heir to a curse laid on her family that requires she kills demons, and Waverly is who knows what. Probably half Revenant.
Rosie kisses back, then both pull away, reminding themselves they’re already in relationships (props for Rosie not being like, “Oh, uh, sorry, that’s not what I meant. Uh, I mean, you’re nice and all, but I’m not into that. I was just being nice.”). Rosie leaves and when Waverly goes to apologize, finds her knocked out on the floor with Tucker kneeling over her.
Tucker appears to be healing over from his alleged death by burning, although honestly he looks like he’s wearing a very simplified dog costume, with a black nose and black ears. He claims that he’s come back to protect Waverly from his “sisters.” He covers Rosie’s body and leads Waverly away, claiming that the world wants to corrupt them, but people like them are good people. (Note: Tucker killed a trucker and burned the body to fake his own death. JUST like a CSI episode, amIright?)
At the Homestead, Wynonna discovers that Doc has pocketed Peacemaker to keep it away from her. He thinks that because she’s pregnant, she’s hormonal and unstable. Wynonna begs to disagree, while the creepy doll, now present in material form as a small doll, watches from a mantle. Tucker tells Waverly that they’re kindred spirits, each of them searching for a family to which they want to belong. Oh and also he tells her that the Gardner sisters were replaced by demons, so there’s that. Meanwhile, we see Dolls entering the Gardner house and discovering one of the Gardner sisters (it turns out the Widows don’t inhabit their bodies) in the basement.
Whether Beth or Mercedes, her face has all but been removed, which is really, super awful. Tucker says that he and Waverly can be each other’s family. Waverly comes up with the idea that she should call Wynonna to pre-empt her from coming looking for them, but really she’s hoping to tell Wynonna that she’s hungering for some tasty tacos. At the Gardner house, Dolls hunts the Widows as Not Mercedes taunts him.
Wynonna challenges Doc on his refusal to give up the ring. As she pulls Peacemaker on him to demand the ring, the creepy AF doll-now life-size-shows up with Wynonna’s phone in its hand. Waverly is calling. And noooope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. If I saw that thing, there would be a human-shaped hole in the wall and I’d be halfway across the country before I stopped running. Wynonna and Doc don’t see it, however. Waverly hangs up after not being able to get through and resigns herself to finding a new method of escape when Tucker takes a high heel to the head. Rosie liiiives! Because she never died. Because she’s a Revenant. Duh.
Doc and Wynonna are continuing to fight, but I’m starting to think that their behavior is being influenced by the Hell doll they haven’t noticed because it seems a tiny bit out of proportion. Doc takes the ring off and throws it to Wynonna, but it’s intercepted by the doll, who they promptly shoot to smithereens.
In retrospect, the doll really should have planned that better. I mean, standing defenseless in front of two armed gunslingers? As the ring rolls dramatically on the floor, Doc says they were influenced by the doll, but Wynonna says they meant what they said so they can’t blame it all on Doll of Chucky. Wynonna then makes an impossible to resist plea: they must protect their (I see what you did there) baby, so after the baby is born they can break the seal together. Doc then gets down on one knee and makes her say “I do” over the ring to stopping the evil together, in an unsubtle nod to a wedding proposal.
Tucker wanders through the woods calling for Waverly but runs into Not Beth instead. The Widows aren’t happy at his betrayal. Not Beth sucks his blood, so now I guess he’ll be a vampire or something. It’s like a weird metaphor for the unstoppability of white male privilege or something, because why else won’t this creepy affluenza boy die? Not Mercedes, meanwhile, has been through the wringer fighting Dolls and she does some voodoo trying to find the ring. Her spell tells her something and she gives her best evil/manic laugh. 7/10; could be more unhinged sounding.
At Shorty’s, Waverly processes that Rosie is a Revenant, and admits that she thinks she’s half-Revenant. It’s the first time she’s said it aloud, to another person. It’s a big moment, but she’s more focused on the fact that she sent a mean text to Nicole, so Rosie tells her to go win back her woman. At Nicole’s, there’s a knock at the door, but it’s not Waverly. It’s Not Mercedes. Wait, what? What does Nicole have that the Widow wants? A nice set of flannel shirts and some comfortable loafers? Guess we’ll find out on Friday. Overall, this was sort of an interlude episode. The painting/doll was ultimately a minor subplot, given how easily the evil creature was dispatched, while the big plot points were the revelation of Rosie as a Revenant (already foreshadowed) and Wynonna’s acceptance that the baby cometh and she better get busy preparing a better future for it.
This episode is also about, in many ways, betraying the one you love and being caught out for it. Doc betrayed Wynonna by almost choosing the ring over her, while Wynonna betrayed Doc by demanding the one thing he didn’t want to give: the ring. Waverly betrayed Nicole by kissing Rosie, while Nicole previously betrayed her by taking the DNA results. Doc also betrayed Rosie, but she didn’t have a reciprocal betrayal. It will be interesting to see whether the show is setting up Rosie as one of the “good” Revenants (as we saw at least twice with other Revenants in season 1), or whether she’s playing a long game by integrating with the Scoobies and will turn out to be a “bad” Revenant. After all, in last week’s episode Constance Clootie said that Hell burns all good out of Revenants. Still, I hope it’s the former, because the Scoobies would do well with a full (nice) Revenant on their side.
Separately, I like Haught’s uniform, which has now fully converted to totally non-standard issue tactical black and teal, although I miss the khakis. Just because you never were inducted into the Black Badge blood oath gang doesn’t mean you can’t be a snazzy dresser! What do you think readers, do we like the hair down, black ops look, or did we prefer the braid and the sheriff’s uniform?
