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Fortune Feimster talks “Chelsea Lately” and hosting Club Skirts The Dinah

Fortune Feimster, the out lesbian sitting at Chelsea Handler‘s round table on Chelsea Lately, is not only a very funny lady, she’s also hosting this year’s Club Skirts The Dinah event in Palm Springs. How can a single celesbian-type person possibly host something that big? We met with Fortune at her show’s office to find out. She also talked about what else she’s working on, why leotards are OK, but white pants are not, and how New Year’s dreams really do come true.

AfterEllen.com: OK, so. You’re hosting The Dinah. What does that even mean?

Fortune Feimster: I am the hostess with the mostess.

AE: How can you host something that big? It’s a whole long weekend of craziness.

FF: I know. I’m the Lord of The Dinah. I’m going to be introducing some of the events, making announcements here and there, hosting the comedy show, and being a part of the dodgeball game that they have every year. Basically, I’m going to be popping up when people least expect it. The girls are going to be tired of me by the end of the weekend.

AE: I doubt that.

FF: I’m bringing my bikini to keep them wanting more.

AE: You should save that for Saturday. You don’t want to lead with…

FF: My best foot forward. [Laughs.] My best bikini body, forward.

AE: What do you hope to get out of The Dinah this year?

FF: The first time I went, it was very brief, so I don’t really count that. I decided to go last minute that year. Last year was my first full-on Dinah experience.

AE: That’s when you and Bridget McManus did Dance Magic, right?

FF: That was the first time [I went.] Bridget and I did this thing with Cat Davis called Dance Magic, where we dressed up in leotards and did crazy dances on Brunch with Bridget. And the second year, she said, “Why don’t we do a dance competition at The Dinah? And we’ll wear our leotards.”

And I said, “You’re crazy. I’m never going to date for the rest of my life if I wear a leotard.” But she talked me into it.

AE: She’s very good at that. I was a guest on Brunch once, and by the time it was over, she had me fixing her bathroom sink.

FF: We were so embarrassed, walking out there. But when we did, there were hundreds of girls and they were going crazy, taking pictures of us and stuff. It ended up being the best time ever.

AE: That year was insane — I seem to remember a girl in a polka dot bikini climbing up the lighting scaffolding.

FF: A girl even jumped on stage, and flashed me her boobies. Who knew that a leotard would get that reaction?

AE: You should walk in a leotard and a fanny pack all the time. Go to Trader Joe’s, or whatever because you never know. Look how many new fans you made that year.

FF: The first time I went to Club Skirts, most people didn’t know who I was outside of the LA comedy scene. The next year was pretty cool because I had just done Last Comic Standing. It had aired, and I was on Chelsea Lately by then.

But since I was only on Chelsea a couple of months, I thought, “There was no way people were going to know who I am.” And I was shocked. It was awesome to get that kind of support from the lesbian community. It was very validating that my people were proud of me. I had no idea that they watched Chelsea.

AE: What are you looking forward to most this year?

FF: I don’t think they ever had a host for the weekend, so I’m looking forward to seeing how that unfolds. I’m also looking forward to just hanging out with my friends and meeting new people. It’s the one time you get to meet people from all over the country, or the world; people you would normally not get a chance to meet.

I like seeing girls from small towns that might not have the opportunity to be so open. It’s awesome to watch them go buck wild, to see them go from, “Aw, shucks,” to “Whooo! Pour me a shot!”

AE: What advice would you give to Dinah virgins?

FF: Wear sunscreen. [Laughs.] Pace yourself. I’ve seen a lot of people peter out at 6 PM and the fun is just starting then. There is no reason to start drinking at 10 AM. Wait a few hours, eat some lunch, then have a cocktail. Take a nap, take a shower. Definitely shower. Because I had a girl sit on my lap once, to take a picture, and she left behind some tanning residue on my shorts.

AE: Are you sure that’s what it was?

FF: Oh, you dirty bird! That was quite a moment, I have to say. I’m going to take my own advice, because I like a nice shower.

AE: Well, whether you’re hosting events or running around screaming, “Pour me a shot!” partying is hard work.

FF: I guess the girls just need to let us loose and let off some steam. I was a late bloomer. I didn’t come out until I was 25. And at my first Dinah, I had never seen that many lesbians in one place, holding hands, in bathing suits, kissing and hugging. It was cool but also intimidating!

AE: Speaking of cool and intimating, who’s in this year’s comedy show lineup? How’s that for a segue?

FF: Jessica Kirson, Karen Williams and Suzanne Westenhoefer.

AE: Karen and Suzanne are going to kill it. And I super love Jessica Kirson. Every second of her act is aggressively hilarious. Are you doing a set or just hosting?

FF: I’ll be the MC. I’ll do a couple minutes up front, and just keep the crowd pumped up and the show going. The comedy show’s about them, not me.

AE: Do you have your outfit for the white party?

FF: Nobody wants to see a big girl in white pants. I don’t even know if there are white pants that would fit me. I mean, I’ll look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. So I’m going to go with jeans and a white shirt. Good enough.

AE: Good. Don’t be a conformist, Fortune. Besides, you’re the Lord of The Dinah. You can do whatever the eff you want.

FF: I could wear neon pants!

AE: Neon is a color, right?

FF: Yeah.

AE: How’s it going on Chelsea Lately?

FF: It’s going great. I’ve been there over a year now and it definitely feels like home now. Everyone [was] very welcoming from the start, but everyone’s really tight and knows each other here. I feel like I’m part of the group now. I’m more comfortable on the roundtable, and more comfortable around Chelsea. The exposure is amazing. People always have really nice things to say about the show and our silly sketches.

AE: What can you tell me about Chelsea that would surprise people?

FF: People only see that person on TV who’s very snarky, but in reality, her heart is really big. Most people in her position like the spotlight. She doesn’t need it just for herself. Chelsea’s one of the only people I know of that is constantly trying to bring other people into the light, too. She really tries to come up with opportunities for everyone else. That’s cool, because she doesn’t have to do that.

And she was the Grand Marshal of the Gay Pride Parade a few years back. She has a lot of gay friends. She’s hosting an HRC event that’s coming up.

AE: She’s from Jersey. We Jersey girls are cool.

FF: They are. Jersey girls! You’re getting a bad rap because of Snooki. There are some good Jersey girls out there! Also, Chelsea’s really loyal. That’s something a lot of people don’t know about her.

AE: How did the show’s producers find you?

FF: They did a big search for new writers and had two or three hundred applicants. My manager told me about it. I don’t know if she contacted him, or he contacted her, but somehow, a couple of [her people] came to see me at the Groundlings and asked me to submit.

AE: What did you have to submit?

FF: You had to send jokes on pop culture, monologues, like that. I had been a journalist during the day while doing comedy at night, and luckily, my journalism job was related to pop culture. I had never written for TV, but the genre fit.

AE: Do you remember what jokes you wrote? Was there a joke that knocked it out of the park and made you think, “That’s the one that got me in?”

FF: I’ll tell you the one that didn’t get me in. There was a Harry Potter premiere or something, and there was something in the news about Daniel Radcliffe at the premiere, and a cell phone. I don’t know if he lost his cell phone, or someone stole his cell phone. And I said, “I don’t know why he would have a cell phone. Don’t they all use owls?”

AE: [Laughs] You don’t really hear that many owls jokes anymore.

FF: It was something stupid like that.

AE: Hey, I want to talk about New Year’s Eve, 2010 because I love this story. You came to my dinner party, and we went around the table and said what we liked about 2010, and what we hoped for in 2011… OK, it wasn’t as gross sappy as I just made it sound, but you remember.

FF: We were lesbians, so we were sharing feelings.

AE: It was right before you got the call from Chelsea Lately.

FF: 2010 was a challenging year for me. I was not in a great place. I had lost my journalism job because of the economy. Not because I suck. We all know I don’t suck, most of the time. Anyway, I had been unemployed for a while, so I was pretty much broke at that point. And I had been traveling a lot doing standup. It’s great to be doing standup, but it’s very lonely on the road and depressing. And I had been going through some woman troubles.

AE: Gynecological?

FF: No. Things didn’t work out with someone that I liked. Just a lot of different things all fell on me at once. So in 2010, I was just like, “Gosh, it’s got to get better next year.” Not that those problems are the biggest problems that ever existed, it’s just where I was at, at the time.

AE: And then…

FF: So I was saying that I really want something to work out, career-wise.

AE: And we all told you, “This is your year. This is your year!”

FF: Yeah. Everyone was excited for something good happening to me. And jokingly, our friend Amy said, in her Oprah impression, “And you’re going to Australia, and you’re going to Australia, and you’re going to Australia!” And we all started cheering and banging on the table and clapping.

AE: Yes! I forgot about that.

FF: And literally, three weeks later, I got a call to interview for [the Chelsea] job. I had sent a packet two months ago and didn’t hear anything, so I thought it was done. A week later, I was hired. I went from being broke and unemployed to this wonderful job opportunity.

And the big kicker is, a week into my job, they said, “Oh, by the way, were going to Australia in March to film and you’re coming.” What?! It’s crazy, so crazy! And fun, and cool, and awesome.

AE: Well, you worked your ass off. And you’re really talented.

FF: I have worked very hard to get to this point. A lot of people think I came out of nowhere. And I’m like, “No, I’ve been plugging away at this for at least eight years now: improv, sketch, stand up.” But sometimes, people work very hard and nothing happens, so I’m very lucky.

AE: You’re an eight-year overnight sensation. What’s next for you? Do you want your own show, a movie, or something else?

FF: I want to do a lot of things. I’m in the process of working on a scripted show with some guys. It would be an ensemble thing, so I’m hopeful about that and where it’s going. And one day, if Chelsea ever goes away, I do want to do TV and movies, both acting and writing. And a little standup because I love touring. I also want to write a book.

AE: Like a Bossypants-style book, or a Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, book?

FF: I’m not at a point in my life where anyone wants to hear my biography. [Laughs] Nor does anyone care to hear that stuff except my mom, and she’d just want to know if I’m talking bad about her. It would be more like a series of funny experiences and stories.

AE: What would be the first sentence in your memoir?

FF: “Her name was Fortune, and boy, was she lucky.” That would be the worst book, ever.

AE: Maybe you could start with a quote from your mother? What’s the one thing she said to you all the time?

FF: My mom always said, “Happy day,” whenever we went to school or she had to write a birthday card. Not, “Have a happy day.” Just, “Happy day.” Not to be confused with Happy Days. But for the most part, I think I have had happy days.

AE: I bet you were a happy baby…

FF: I was raised by an old lady, my Grandma. So I hung out with old people all the time. I used prance around at tea parties, reciting the “Star-Spangled Banner,” as a means of entertaining of the ladies while they played bridge. I was like a little Shirley Temple. A little fat Shirley Temple. I had ringlets in my hair, dresses, bonnets.

AE: Please find a picture of little you, and I will insert it right here.

FF: [Laughs] I don’t think the ladies could handle that. That was when I peaked. I peaked at five-years-old. It all went downhill since then.

AE: Yeah, OK. I’ve seen ladies stare at you, all star-struck. They want to get close to the Fortune.

FF: If they want to get close to me, I don’t see that. My friends are always saying, “That person was checking you out.” And I’m like, “What?”

AE: I think Jennifer Aniston has a crush on you.

FF: I’m not going to deny that, by any means. The lady has got impeccable taste. [Laughs.]

AE: How did you get to know her?

FF: They wrote a really funny episode and Jennifer Aniston agreed to do it. It was so cool being at the writers’ table with her and getting to act with her. And I sat beside her at Chelsea’s house for Thanksgiving. It was pretty awesome.

AE: Who did you have to push off their chair to score that sweet spot?

FF: It happened by accident. Everyone sat down at the table, but everyone was too nervous to sit next to her. There was one empty seat left by the time I got my plate. I braced myself and sat down. And the whole table gave me a round of applause. I did it. I sat down.

AE: She’s the lucky one.

FF: Now she knows who I am. I don’t know if she knows my name but…

AE: Is she even more beautiful in person?

FF: Oh my God, just stunning. And also, just really nice. To me, that makes someone even more beautiful. If someone is nasty inside, I’m like, “No thank you.”

AE: You’re one of the nicest people I know. I’m glad we’re friends.

FF: I love our friends. I think if you’ve made it to the top and you don’t have anybody to share it with, you’re not really on the top, are you? It’s very lonely. I’ve been out here for a while, and I’ve seen people make it, or at least their version of making it: they got on a TV show or got a really great job. But they left their friends by the wayside and found it a very lonely place to be.

So I don’t want that. I want my buddies around, always, no matter what. Plus, who else am I going to break dance with? Or do the robot with? [Starts doing the robot] Look at these moves!

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