Gay Girl’s Goggles: “Downton Abbey” recap (2.09) – A Christmas Carol

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You know who else stole my heart this week? Little Daisy. After some hilarious high jinks with a Ouija Board, Daisy agrees to visit William’s dad on his farm. She’s still tying herself in knots over the fact that she married William on his death bed, even though she didn’t like him like him. But William’s dad doesn’t care about all that. His wife is dead, all of his children are dead, and he asks Daisy if it’s OK if he loves her like a daughter. She cries, he cries, I cry — I’m crying while I type this! — and it looks like our little scullery maid is finally going get promoted to sous chef.

But let’s talk about the most important thing: Lady Mary.

Sir Richard can tolerate the way the Grantham clan gives Christmas presents to their servants, he can tolerate the way they won’t STFU about Bates’ murder trial, he can tolerate the fact that Mary has been engaged to him for half a decade but still won’t set a wedding date or, like, look at his face. He can even tolerate the obscene amount of eye-shagging that happens Mary and Matthew are in a room together. But when Mary says she’ll stand with Matthew while he’s shooting birds instead of standing beside Richard while he’s shooting birds, the guy just loses it. For a hot second, I thought he was going to shoot his gun loader to prove a point that he’s not to be trifled with.

Of course, every time he starts hollering at Mary, Matthew comes running to glare at him. After one such staring sessions, Matthew is like, “Mary, that guy is the worst. You can live at Downton forever, you know. You don’t have to marry him or anyone else who isn’t me.” But six years ago, Mary spent probably fifteen uncomfortable seconds getting poked by a Pamuk, and the comeuppance is Sir Richard.

Finally, Lord Grantham asks Cora if there’s some untoward reason that Mary is marrying such a jackass, and Cora goes, “Well, now that you’ve started sleeping with the servants, perhaps you’re in a position to hear the truth: A couple of years ago, I agreed the dead body of a Turkish diplomat across the house in the middle of the night after he died deflowering our eldest daughter.” Lord Grantham is shocked, but also a little premarital boning is no reason to spend your life with new money. He tells Mary to break it off and then go to America to weather the scandal. After all, there are cowboys there.

So Mary does break it off and Richard does agree that he’ll destroy her, but nothing takes the sting out of having your family’s reputation ruined by a snowy proposal by the love of your life. No, you didn’t dream it! No, it was not a fan fiction! After Mary sends Richard packing, Matthew follows her out into the night, out into the snow, and gets down on his knee and asks for her to marry him. For real this time. He knows about Pamuk, doesn’t care about Pamuk, just wants to use his heart to love Mary for all time and his magical penis to sire a house full of children with her. They twirl in the snow, and here come the waterworks again!

Oh, and Sybil is pregnant and Edith is rekindling a pre-war romance and these are the things the Dowager Countess said:

 Oh, darlings, how will we make it until 2013?

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