Gay Girl’s Goggles: “30 Rock” SnapCap (6.06) — “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong”


One of the greatest questions of our time got answered last week on the special hour-long 30 Rock. Namely, can Liz Lemon have a happy Valentine’s Day. Instead of celebrating Anna Howard Shaw Day or the founding of the League of Women’s Voters or having oral — surgery, Liz and her new boyfriend Criss attempt to have a nice, romantic day. So can a woman who is 0 for 40 on good Valentine’s Days finally be unterrible? Well, let’s find out with a romantic trip to IKEA. Because as any lesbian can tell you, if your relationship an survive a trip to IKEA, it’s true love.


Well, clearly, all lesbians everywhere perked up when they heard Liz and Criss were going to IKEA. A trip there is practically a rite of passage for any couple. If not for the infinite number of pieces of furniture you can buy and assemble with an Allen wrench, then for the hate sex after you are sure to have after fighting over those damn diagram assembly instructions without any freaking words. Also, who can’t love a woman who wakes up with a empty chip canister stuck to her arm?


Some critics love to criticize Liz’s ineptitude in her love life. But I think it has actually been an interesting, not to mention very amusing, progression. She’s tried the idiot (Dennis). She’s tried the guy would rather be living in Cleaveland (Floyd). She’s tried the Prince Eric model (Drew). She’s tried the misanthrope (Carol). And then there was Wesley Snipes. But now in Criss Chros, she may have found the easy going, unemployed goofball of her dreams. I mean, they made it through IKEA together. It must be love.


Another thing about Liz’s progression, she sometimes has startling moments of self realization. Like that she had become the female Lutz. And we simply cannot have that. Then how would she ever achieve mommy-daddy sheet monster time with someone else? Also, this is exactly what your face looks like when you fight with your girlfriend at IKEA, admit it.


We could talk about new page Hazel’s (played by Kristen Schaal) terrible day which included being made to test experimental public hair defoliage medication, getting her mouth mated with my a lizard and starting a new obsession with Liz. Or we could talk about about how right and age-appropriate Jack and Avery’s mom are for each other. And, sure, we could talk about how much I want to book a ticket on the transvestite cruise Caribbean Queens (Not More Love on the Run).

But mostly I want to talk about how I learned some valuable defensive tactics against dirtbags who look like Far Side drawings. They’re looking for the low-hanging fruit, ladies. So don’t go to the places you feel sad, desperate and weak: cat shelters, blood banks and the ice cream stand at a Celtic Woman’s concert.

p.s. On a totally unrelated note, I felt an undeniable urge to give Ted Danson a high five after this episode. Because, dayummmmm, Mary Steenburgen looks great! Even if Yosemite Sam was based on her grandfather.

So, Lemonheads, what did you think about Liz’s adventures on Anna Howard Shaw Day this years? And happy Valentine’s, lovers. May your relationship survive a trip to IKEA, and then some.