Aneesa and Rachel on being the only female and gay pairing on MTV’s “Challenge: Battle of the Exes”

As a young teenager obsessed with pop culture, life seemed incredibly unfair when my parents refused to get a cable subscription so that I could lose myself in MTV. Thankfully, even if I couldn’t get my MTV at my own home, my grandparents had just moved to a condo building that had cable included whether you liked it or not. I was, and still am, obsessed with my grandma, so I spent as many weekends as I could, playing card games by day and watching the tiny TV in their makeshift guest room by night. Of course, this was back in the day when the network played videos, they had dancing shows I desperately wanted to be on and they were starting this really cool documentary series called The Real World, which followed seven very different strangers living in a tricked out loft in New York City.

What appealed to me most about the show was the opportunity to finally see real gay people on television who weren’t a part of the nightly news telecast. It was an opportunity to show the world that we not only exist, but that we’re just like everyone else – the good, the bad and the ugly.

Over the years, things have definitely changed for the network and for the show overall. Reality TV is all the rage and what was once a one-off novelty has turned into spin-off after spin-off on the form of Road Rules and now all of the MTV challenges pitting former cast members against each other in various games of strength, brain power and humiliation.

Tonight at 10 p.m., MTV premieres its latest competition and this time it’s getting really personal. Challenge: Battle of the Exes pairs two former cast members who have been intimate in the past and don’t necessarily like each other in the present. The lone gay team is comprised of veteran challenge participants Aneesa Ferreira (Real World: Chicago) and Rachel Robinson (Road Rules: Campus Crawl). We got a chance to talk to the ladies about being the only all-female team, their romantic history and what’s it’s like living as a reality TV star.

An interview with Aneesa Ferrera

AfterEllen.com: So, how many challenges is this for you now?

Aneesa Ferreira: (counting) Seven.

AE: Do you feel like the show has gotten more difficult or, maybe more ridiculous? It has definitely changed a lot since the first Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

AF: They’ve become more physically demanding and when you’re there it feels like you’re at some training facility. It’s weird because everybody’s working out. And like, now that’s part of my everyday life so it’s OK, but when people started bringing their protein and their weights and doing all this stupid stuff, I was like, “What are you guys doing!?” because the show used to be a lot of fun! We’ve always done ridiculous shit on these shows but now it’s become like all-out, run 13,000 miles and climb this mountain and dig this hole and do these problems in between.

So it’s become just hours and hours and days of trying to complete a final challenge. It’s like now we’re doing Survivor meets Amazing Race meets Big Brother and it’s weird. The old people were awesome, like Colin and Jamie and – I hate to say it – Beth . People were interesting and didn’t give a shit and there weren’t so many problems. It’s just changed completely.

AE: Yeah, I was wondering about that because even for me, as someone who is obviously watching a lot of TV and sits on the couch a lot, even the regular challenges seem to involve a lot of strength. You’re climbing ropes and wrestling each other.

AF: Well I like that stuff. (Laughs) I love wrestling with people, that part is always fun for me. It’s one of my strong points.

AE: Well and on top of that, I’m sure in a house filled with people hating on each other, wrestling out some of that aggression must feel good.

AF: Well a lot of the girls aren’t physical in that way. I mean look at Rachel: She’s a great athlete, but she probably wouldn’t want to be rolling around and wrestling someone. Even though she’s strong, it’s just not something she’d probably want to do. So that’s where I step up and say, “I’m signing up for this one.” So some of the challenges are based on strength, some on fear and some on humiliation and it’s all being done in a Speedo.

AE: Well, I’ll tell you, when I was younger I always wanted to be on The Real World. Then, as soon as these challenges came out and everybody was in Speedos, I was like, whelp, nope, that’s not happening for me. Dreams are officially squashed.

AF: (Laughs) I’m like where’s the T-shirt option? I want that. I’m bloated, why do I have to wear these mom shorts that come up to my boobs and then a sports bra? Everybody looked like they had a pooch even if they had a flat stomach.

AE: Well, everyone has been looking better as the seasons go on, probably because they now expect to have to wear these outfits, but in the beginning, nobody knew that the Spandex was coming. So for this challenge, when you found out it was going to be a battle of the exes and your ex would actually be your partner, what was your first thought?

AF: On these challenges, which is getting weird, people start making phone calls to see who else is going because they start getting nervous. They want to know who’s going where and they want to make plans and alliances before we even get there. So I knew Rachel was going before we got there, which was actually my comfort and we kind of made a plan: If you go, I go. Rachel’s girlfriend was like, the only way you’re going is if Aneesa’s going. And I was like, alright I’m there with one of my best friends – let’s do this. And then I found out it was battle of the exes and I was wondering how they were going to work it out because I haven’t really hooked up with that many people and the one that I had a relationship with was Rachel, so how is this going to work out to have a two-girl team versus all these other teams? We’re stronger than all these other girls, but together we make up one strong guy. I’m not saying it’s unfair because I think we can hold our own, but it is interesting.

AE: To be honest, I didn’t even realize you and Rachel had dated. Usually, I feel like shows like this are very quick to exploit relationships but I don’t remember hearing anything about it. I know it was around 2003 but how did it all happen?

AF: It was after I had done my show and it had already aired and her show was still airing. We met on Battle of the Sexes 1, which I guess was maybe in 2002. I didn’t pay attention to her and then one day I saw her walking up the stairs and I was like, “Oh wow, she’s got a great ass.” (Laughs) So we hung out and we had our first kiss there. And then once I got eliminated, which was about a week later, I was like, “Come to Philly,” and then after that I moved to New York and moved in with her. Mind you, I had just turned 21 and she had too. We were babies. I had wandering eyes back then and she was a really great girlfriend. She is very giving and she was a sweetheart. We shared everything; I loved her mother and she loved mine. And it was great for a while and then I – I guess I didn’t realize what I had then. When you’re young I think you look for different things. If I had met her at 30 I would’ve been like, “Oh she’s a keeper.” I mean she was a keeper back then, too, but it’s different now in my adult life. So, things went sour and I moved out after a couple of months and that was it. We hadn’t talked for a long time and she dated Veronica and I was totally against that. Jealous, maybe, in some ways – I mean, Veronica is a good-looking girl – so jealous in some ways. Mad because I didn’t understand it and felt that Rachel was changing as a person in so many ways and she wasn’t the person that I knew and that I loved. And it was very interesting. So one day, I paid her back the $500 that I owed her, and really that was what we weren’t talking about for a million years. (Laughs) So we made up, we were cool, we’d hang out. And then she started dating her girlfriend now, who she’s been with for over three years, and they’re happy as a clam, I couldn’t be happier for her. I love her girlfriend.

But I think all I ever wanted from her – and you can see it on The Duel 2 because her and I were intimate and she had said some things to me like, “I love you, don’t hurt me this time,” and it kind of led me on to make me feel like maybe there was something, until I had to hear from other people that she had hooked up with someone else. And it was kind of a respect thing. So of course editors cut things to make it seem like I’m the crazy ex-girlfriend. No, I am, number one, one of her best friends and number two, I was intimate with her and number three, she went ahead and had sex with someone else. And I wouldn’t care if we didn’t live in the same house but you sleep on the bed above me.

So I felt disrespected. And it was a hard pill to swallow seeing that and watching her sit back and let other people bash me. But I forgave her. So now, our relationship is really great. Don’t get me wrong, I still think about how she swept me under the rug for a long time. And I think it’s because she does care what other people think on a TV level. Outside of this, she doesn’t give a s–t.

AE: I feel like it’s got to be hard to even try to have a relationship with anybody if any part of it is on camera and you’re put in situations that would never happen in real everyday life. So how do you go about navigating something like that? Is there a point when you have to say to each other, look, whatever is on TV is on TV and everything else is completely separate?

AF: Well, yeah and that’s happened in the past with people who keep it in the closet. (Long pause and then laughter) Pun intended. No one knows it on camera but they’re dating for years. But I feel like if you really love someone, it’s hard to hide that. Like, how do you hide that? These people are filming everything. So it’s pretty difficult to say, please don’t film the fact that I’m in love with this person.

AE: Do you think part of their reasoning for casting the show in this way – besides making things incredibly uncomfortable – was to try to get certain couples back together?

AF: Oh yeah, definitely. They’re hoping for drunken hook-ups and people sleeping together. The crazy thing about this challenge was that a lot of people – a lot lot – were in relationships. Now whether they respected those relationships, I can’t tell you. I really don’t know, but it can put a damper on relationships. You get there, there are attractive people that you’ve hooked up with before. I definitely think they were hoping to catch people hooking up again. But when it’s just not there anymore between you, it’s not there.

AE: Do you feel like, in general, the show makes it harder to have relationships with people who aren’t on the show?

AF: Yeah, sometimes. It’s like real celebrities; like singers and actors. They go after people in the industry because they know what they go through, they know they’re not after their money or their fame. I’ve dated people and I’ve been like, get all your questions out right now because you can then pretty much gauge where somebody’s going with it. If they’re really excited and they’re on the phone being like, “I’m with Aneesa,” and I’m like, “And now you’re not with Aneesa.” I don’t really date. I am now, but I haven’t dated in a while. I’ve been single for a while just because I’m a little more selective now than I’ve ever been. It’s easier to stay away from it than have to deal with the drama of weeding people out. So I tend to hang out with and date people from my past, who I’ve known since eight years ago who don’t like the fact that I’m on TV. Who hate it but have to get used to it. So it’s difficult to date someone who wants to get to know me.

AE: Well, as somebody who watches, as soon as somebody says they’re in a relationship and they’re about to be cast on a show like The Real World, if I’m their partner, I’m just going to assume they’re going to cheat and our relationship is going to be over. More often than not, everybody cheats on the show. I feel like that would be really difficult to get over.

AF: It is. And plus it’s on camera. Like, I, when I hooked up with Rachel, I was in a relationship. I was an honest person, so I called when we were allowed to use the phone and I was like, “Babe, listen, I had sex with dada dada – please don’t be mad at me. I told you she was going to be here and I wasn’t sure what would happen. I’m so sorry it will never happen again, please forgive me.” And then I got my heart broken when I got home. Karma’s a bitch. It’s hard though, you’re living with that person every day and everything you kind of had just comes back up. So do all your problems with that person. So a lot of these kids don’t have a lot of self-control and it’s hard. I mean it’s not hard for me now but it was years ago.

AE: I’ve only seen the first episode but it seems like with these challenges they’re going to make things as uncomfortable as possible.

AF: Yeah well that’s the humility thing. Make us really awkward, wear unflattering things – I’m gonna look like a hippo. But being teammates, Rachel and I are just gonna get it done. It wasn’t awkward for us because we have a real relationship outside of the show. And that’s the difference for us because these people hook up and then never talk again. So why wouldn’t it be awkward?

AE: Right, well and especially needing to physically touch each other in kind of no-no part areas.

AF: Yeah, we were everywhere.

AE: So what are the odds of us seeing a good blowout this season?

AF: Oh yeah, there will be some good blowouts, fights, there might be some hookups, some plotting, some people are very conniving, there’s some backstabbing, because people won’t stab you in the front on these shows. A lot of comedy, a lot of boredom, a lot of alcohol.

AE: I’ve always considered alcohol to be an extra cast member. I’m looking forward to seeing it all play out.

AF: Yeah, me too! (Laughs)

AE: Well, as the show’s only two lesbians and actually, the only gay couple featured on the show, I’m hoping you guys go far.

AF: I told Rachel, we’re going to have a lot of people in our corner. I’m like, it’s going to be a whole feminist movement. I think that’s gonna be awesome, I kind of love that idea. It’s really empowering actually. Like everyone kind of looked at it like it was a bad thing but I was like, no this is awesome. Because I couldn’t have picked a better partner if I wanted to. She’s awesome.

Next page: An interview with Rachel Robinson

An interview with Rachel Robinson

AE: I really want to know, what do you all do when you’re not participating in these challenges? I feel like it would be really difficult to maintain a normal job when you keep getting called up for the shows all the time.

RR: It was actually really interesting for me going back this time because it was marking the decade from when I started, which is crazy. It was pretty refreshing actually because the biggest thing for me in the past couple of years, is that I’ve really found my career as a personal trainer. (The show has) really only helped my career flourish because it just brings more attention to what I’m doing whenever I go back. It was great for me, that’s one of the reasons I went back. It was definitely hard, though, to go back and be that much older.

This season was very different for me. I think what it ended up showing me was a reflection on gender. And having been the only same sex team and seeing the natural dynamics forming in the house, it was very clear that the men in the house have this camaraderie that doesn’t really trickle down to the women with other women. It’s just different coming back as a woman. I have a girlfriend that I’m very serious with and that in and of itself makes it very different when you’re coming back to these challenges. Last time I came I was single and kind of had nothing to worry about. But when you come back in a relationship, you really have to protect it to some degree. It just makes getting to know everyone a little different and it makes it harder to be there because, for me, when I’m in a relationship it’s really hard to be away from that person.

Also, just coming back at this age was really interesting because I have a long history with a bunch of people there that I don’t even remember anymore. I showed up and I was like, wait a second – do I have bad blood with Robin or Diem or Paula, because I don’t even remember. And then I would sit down and think about it and be like, “Oh my God, we might have bad blood because that one time back in the day during the Inferno, I sent in blah blah blah” and – you just never know how someone else feels.

AE: So when you decided you were going to go back on the show, did you go back to past seasons and to figure out who you don’t get along with? RR: No, but it’s so funny that you say that because when Aneesa showed up she was like, “I’ve watched all of the old Challenges before I got here.” And I said, “You did?” And she said, “Yeah I watched every single episode.” (Laughs) I can’t even remember anything. I bet sometimes the fans remember more about the show than we do. But yeah, Aneesa watched the episodes and I think she had a really good memory of it all. I’ll be honest: I watch the episodes once, I take it for what it’s worth and then I’m done. I go into each challenge with a clean slate in my own head. I like to go into them not talking to anybody, not setting up any kind of alliance and hoping that I just kind of win and that will keep me in the game.

AE: I feel like trying to start things with a clean slate would be very difficult for some of the other teams of exes.

RR: Well and I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure Aneesa and I have the longest history out of all of them.

AE: Typical lesbians!

RR: Our relationship was right after the first Battle of the Sexes and that was about 10 years ago. And we’ve known each other through the years. She’s voted me off of challenges. (Laughs) there’s just been so much, down and down and down since then. Only after The Duel and us making it to the end, did we really come full-circle with each other and just kind of let go of everything.

I don’t think either of us had a real issue but it was hard for her sometimes when I would date other cast members. She really didn’t like that. Going into this though, I mean Aneesa has probably gotten closer to my girlfriend than she even is to me at some point. She loves my girlfriend. So now it’s a totally different experience. But I think the fact that we knew each other so well and I competed against her for so many years, definitely plays with your mind a little because you’re used to being somebody’s opponent and now they’re supposed to be on your team. And it’s not like other couples there because the men and the women don’t have that same dynamic within their relationship. The boys usually play against the boys and the girls usually play against the girls. So for Aneesa and I, it was very different because it was putting two people together who only have a history of competing against each other. It definitely played with (my) mind a little, you know?

And I think the thing that motivated Aneesa so much was not only competing against the other teams but also competing against me. (Laughs) Using me as – I remember when we would finish a challenge she would be like, “I beat you!” and I’d be like, “Yep, ya did!” So I think there was a sense of competitiveness even with each other.

But to be honest, when I found out they picked Aneesa to be my partner, I was so happy. There were a few other people they could’ve chosen and with Aneesa I felt comfortable.

AE: Yeah, I was wondering if there were any people, exes or not, who you really didn’t want to see on the show.

RR: There really wasn’t anyone that I didn’t want to see, but I knew my girlfriend would be a little uncomfortable with a couple people. So for me it was like, because Aneesa has such a great relationship with my girlfriend, it almost made it OK. So that was my main objective, for the whole thing. The whole time (before the show), we still never know what’s going on but people start talking. So I knew Aneesa was going. So when I knew Aneesa would be on the challenge, that was actually the deciding factor for me to say I was going to be on the show or not. I knew that if she was there, I would have a friend. So the fact that she ended up being my teammate, it’s pretty funny.

AE: You brought up your girlfriend. Was she worried when you first got the phone call asking if you’d do the show again? I feel like if my girlfriend was about to be on one of these shows, I would just assume we were going to need to break up.

RR: You know what, I think whenever I call her up and tell her I got the call – and this is the first time they’ve called me to come back since The Duel – but when I got this call, she kind of knew I was open to it this time around. So, she sort of laid out a few things that she would definitely be uncomfortable with. Then after a few weeks, things fell into place at the right time and I decided I was going. I remember looking at her before I left for the challenge and said, if I can’t do the challenge because we don’t think our relationship can survive it, then that speaks volumes about our relationship to begin with. So I said, “If I can go away on this challenge and you can stand by me and support me and trust me and know that everything’s going to be OK, and I can come home and still have your support, and everything can work out, then that to me will be more important for us in the long run.” So I kind of looked at the challenge as a little test for us. And she was so supportive, she couldn’t have been more supportive while I was there. she was just great. So, so far so good. I should knock on wood right now. (Laughs)

AE: No kidding! So I was able to see the first episode and it seems like they were able to start things off pretty awkwardly with teammates needing to get honey off of their ex’s body. I imagine that for some of the teams that part was really difficult.

RR: Well, the getting the honey off for us was no big deal. Her touching my body or my touching her body – those feelings just aren’t there anymore. We just wanted to get the challenge done. But for other people, yeah, when they make up these shows and figure out who to cast and even the order of the challenges, to me is very, very, very well thought out. You’ll go from one that’s an individual challenge to a team challenge to one that you have to use your head and it plays around with how you have to strategize in your own head. And even where the challenges lay in the game in terms of where people will probably be at in terms of drama in the house. Whenever I walk away from this, but this time more than ever, I feel like I have to have a total mind detox.

For me, I’m not going to downplay what it was like to be a two-girl team, the only two-girl team, in a game where we have a lot of men that are the kind of men I don’t normally hang around with. Like just this alpha-male type-A man. And it’s the kind of thing where you put a bunch of them in one house and it’s almost like they become a pack.

AE: I’m pretty sure that sounds like my idea of hell.

RR: Yeah living within that dynamic for a very long time was interesting for me. It really re-enforced to me, the way our society has gender roles and stereotypes and the way sex plays a role. I hope that in some way there can be something that comes out of this.

AE: It sounds like this could easily become a university course in sociology or anthropology.

RR: I don’t know of any lesbian out there that has experienced a similar social experiment that I just went through. When I came home I just felt like, wow that was a really intense thing to live through. There was a part of me that came home and felt like I needed to write a book or something. I came home so raw and emotional. My girlfriend looked at me at one point and was like, “What happened to you out there?” and I was like, “I don’t really know,” I just came home with this emotional baggage. And I felt like, now – thank God – with time and being in our own environment, I can get over it. I really felt like I survived a social experiment. Like, being taken out of my life, being taken from everything I know, taking away any form of communication and being put in a house on a same-sex team that was the only same-sex team, it was very interesting.

AE: It sounds to me like you might still have a little PTSD.

RR: Everybody in the game and anybody who’s done a challenge – I have the honor of saying I won The Duel, and that was a solo competition and I won $100,000 – I can never hate on this show. This show has not only brought me so many positive things in the last 10 years, but it’s helped me buy my house. I sit back and I’m so thankful for everything it’s brought to my life and helped me learn about myself. If I have to be a part of a social experiment and be uncomfortable for a little while, it’s worth it because every time you do one of these shows, you learn more about yourself. At the end of each show you walk away and ask if you can change anything and it has definitely changed the way I’ve done certain things and viewed certain things.

Honestly, the way things have unfolded over the years – I came out on the show, I had relationships on the show and now to be on Battle of the Exes with another woman, I just couldn’t have asked for anything better.

As we finish up our interview, I realize I’m exactly where I was supposed to be: wearing lots of baggy clothes on this side of the TV; writing about the show instead of participating. Keep up with Aneesa & Rachel on their Twitter accounts and let’s hope these ladies can pull off a win for us.

Challenge: Battle of the Exes premieres tonight at 10 pm on MTV.