One of the joys of writing for AfterEllen.com is the sheer volume of mail we get. Some of it is lovely: “You’ve changed my life with your insight on the various mating habits of West Hollywood lesbos left alone in their natural habitat!” Some of it is un-lovely: “How dare you say a thing about television that I disagree with! If I had a time machine I’d axe-murder your parents so you’d never be born!” And some of it doesn’t even belong to us. Like, for example, these letters to Santa that somehow ended up in our mailbox.
Ah, well, we might as well put them to good use. So grab a pencil and a piece of paper and make some guesses about which lesbian/bisexual character wrote which letter to Santa. There’s an answer key at the end and a grading scale!
These are the characters whose letters we intercepted:
Letter #1 Letter #2 Letter #3 Letter #4 Letter #5 Letter #6 Letter #7 Letter #8 Letter #9 Letter #10Answer Key:
Letter #1: Jenny, Hand aufs Herz
Letter #2: Brittany S. Pierce, Glee
Letter #3: Emily, Pretty Little Liars
Letter #4: Dr. Arizona Robbins, Grey’s Anatomy
Letter #5: Alice, The Playboy Club
Letter #6: Bianca, All My Children
Letter #7: Angela, Boardwalk Empire
Letter #8: Kalinda, The Good Wife
Letter #9: Bo, Lost Girl
Letter #10: Sajdah, The Real L Word
How many letters did you correctly guess?
All 10! – Seriously? Dayum, girl. That means you’re not only watching every lesbian television show on earth; you’re also reading every single recap on AfterEllen.com! We honor you, faithful reader!
8 – 9 – Four for you, Lesbian Coco! You go, Lesbian Coco! You don’t have time to watch every lesbian show from every single country in the world, but we’d still want you on our team for Lesbian Trivial Pursuit!
5 – 7 – Good for you. You’ve got a solid grasp of the 2011 lesbian pop culture scene. You’ve probably also never suffered YouTube Trigger Finger, a condition that affects 97 percent of lesbians who watch subtitled clips of international lesbian shows online.
4 – 6 – There was a time when we, too, were able to stop ourselves from watching shows that we knew would cause us to smash our heads through our TVs. But those days have long since passed and now we meet the inevitable deaths and cancellations and character continuity f–k ups with a delirious sense of glee.
1 – 3 – Look, if you’re going to be a contender in the LesbOlympics, you’re going to have to get serious about your TV viewing. Sometimes the only difference between a spot on Sappho’s podium and cold bus ride back to Loserville is knowing that lesbians on German soaps wear clothes from the future. Study a little less. Stop caring so much about your job. Watch more TV.
Zero – Congratulations on reading your first post on AfterEllen.com! We think you’ll be very happy here!
So, how’d you do?
