Gay Girl’s Goggles: “New Girl” SnapCap (1.08) — “Bad in Bed”


When New Girl premiered I spent about twenty hours shaking my fist at Fox shouting about, “This better not morph into some kind of misogynistic ‘boys fix the girl’ thing, I swear to Sappho!” And even though it looked like the show was leaning that way in the early days, it righted itself after a few episodes. Last night, the writers veered dangerously close to those waters when Jess begged her roomies to give her a 15-minute crash-course in good sex — but the payoff of Jess’ sexual insecurity was the funniest, sweetest episode yet.


There wasn’t anything specifically lezzy bait-y about “Bad in Bed,” but I kind of think it’s a universal human experience to freak out on occasion about all the things you don’t know about having sex. I mean, if you peruse the forums for thirty seconds, you’ll find at least a dozen threads where women are going, “Gah! I’ve never been with another woman before! What are some pro tips?! What if I’m the worst lesbian sex-haver in the history of lesbian sex?!” So it was validating to see Zooey Deschanel freaking out too, right? And it was awesome when Schmidt was like, “People want to be whisked away during sex.” But Nick corrected him with, “Just take your clothes off!”


Frankly, I feel like Justin Long is the best bit of sitcom love interest casting I’ve seen since Tom Selleck was on Friends. I also feel like I haven’t ever employed my DVR’s rewind feature on New Girl like I did last night because I was laughing so hard most of the time I was missing the jokes.


My sister watched New Girl with me for the first time last night and she was like, “Wow, Jess is like Zooey Deschanel doing a caricature of Zooey Deschanel,” which is pretty true, I guess, but it’s grown on me so much that I don’t notice it anymore. Like, her whole sex freakout thing was endearing instead of annoying. It’s also interesting to note that female actors who prance around in their underwear are usually doing it for the sake of titilation, but Deschanel was given the rare chance to do it for comedy. Naked laughs are usually reserved for male characters, so it was refreshing — and maybe even a little bit subversive — to watch Deschanel yuck it up in her “erotic ropes course” lingerie.


I don’t even know where to start. When Jess goes buys some kind of black rope teddy with a starfish attached to it and goes, “I hope Paul’s packing some coral polyps!” Or when she finds porn on Schmidt’s computer and watches it for five and a half hours looking for some tips. Or when she commits to role playing with that old-timey newscaster voice and Justin Long plays along? Her dirty talk is the best dirty talk I’ve ever heard: “I’m going to tap him like a maple tree, I’m going to be searching for some syrups!” “I’m gonna split you like a log.”

Nah, the best part was when Justin Long tried to cuddle with Jess and calm her down and so she choked him.

What did you think of “Bad in Bed”?

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