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Gay Girl’s Goggles “The Good Wife” SnapCap (3.08): Please squeeze the Sharma

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

Yes, les/bis, there is a Santa Claus. But that was just a minor part of the fun on this week’s The Good Wife. I think the writers have been saving all of the Kalinda goodness for this one episode.

AFTERELLEN BAIT

The subtext gods heard our prayers, kids. This week gives us enough Dalinda to fuel an entire season of fanfic. First, Dana catches Kalinda rummaging through pictures on Cary’s desk. (Why does he always leave evidence on his desk? No wonder he can’t win a case.) Let the games begin!

Sure, Dana is trying to play Kalinda, but who could resist that jacket? (Archie got so into the scene that she kept forgetting to use an American accent.) The two meet later at a bar to share “access.” Mm-hmm.

Oh, it gets better.

I’m going to have to remember that label line.

Even Cary notices the chemistry and makes a remark to Dana about she and Kalinda being “more than friendly.” Cary is a whiny, petty little man, yes. But he also has the best line of the episode:

Dana: I have never said this before, but I am now going to say it for you: I am not a lesbian.

Cary: I know a lot of people who weren’t anything until they met Kalinda.

Amen, brother. Amen.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

Kalinda also has a very sweet scene with Will. She learns from Dana that the D.A. is investigating Will and offers to help him – if he will ask. Kalinda and Will are two of a kind about pretending they don’t need anyone; they could be great BFFs.

Will: I feel like hugging you.

Kalinda: No, just ask for my help.

Kalinda is a good man in a storm.

Alicia has lots of feelings stemming from the case, which involves the brutal murder of two girls near Grace’s age. She is visibly shaken by the crime scene photos and makes a very mom-like call to remind her daughter to keep the doors locked. And in an attempt to help a prisoner on death row, Alicia convinces his mother to visit him. The convict tells his mom to burn in hell. Heart, meet knife.

FUN WITH GUEST STARS

Chris Matthews plays himself, shouting as usual. Eli finds a college photo of a congressional candidate in the midst of giving Old St. Nick a Merry Christmas and wants the client to go on Matthews’ show to help circumvent a scandal. Eli dubs the picture “Here comes Santa.” Oh, Eli.

Sarah Steele is back as Eli’s daughter Marissa, who may be about to get involved with Zach Florrick. If that means the return of Marissa’s mom (Parker Posey), I’m all for it.

FUTURE FROCK

Will someone please tell me why Peter’s mom still has a key to Alicia’s home? This week she decides to go through the laundry to check out Alicia’s underwear. Jackie is not a sweet old grandma and she will do anything to hurt her son’s evil ex. Either change the locks, Alicia, or start wearing T-shirts to bed. (And if you do, please send photos.)

As happy as we are with all of the Kalinda this week, the writers had to ruin our fun with some Cary and Kalinda kissing. Sure, I understand that they both had just nearly died in a shootout, but here’s the thing: Cary walks away. Kalinda kisses him back and he just leaves. That’s the most unrealistic moment in the whole three years of The Good Wife. Seriously, Cary, don’t come back.

Did you enjoy this episode of The Good Wife? Please share your thoughts on the wonders of Kalinda Sharma.

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