“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: It’s all Greek to me


Today’s post will be a little shorter than usual due to me being out way too late last night at the Antigone Rising/Daphne Willis show. I know some of you have been saying you’d like more photos and gifs in these, so I’ll start off with this one:

As sweet little Laura says at the beginning of the show, “And then there were six.” I can’t believe there are still that many — this “All Star” cycle feels like it’s been going on since the last winter Olympics.

Angelea starts out the same way she always does which is by telling us how much she wants this and how different this cycle is because it’s for the All Stars. Shannon chimes in and says she didn’t even want to do this but she gets thousands of letters from very boring little girls saying she is their role model and that has made her want to win this even more.

Dominique says she misses her kids but it’s pushing her to fight harder in the game. Angelea feels like Dominique is an actress and doesn’t like her. From what I can tell, Angelea just doesn’t like Dominique pushing spicy foods in her direction at the Thai restaurant they ate at.

Andre Leon Talley shows up to the mansion wearing his best graduation gown and Chinese lampshade and says he’s bringing in dinner. What he meant was, he brought two little gays to break some dishes for a skit to basically let the girls know they’re going to Greece. 

They fly to Greece and meet Miss Jay, who is wearing a little boy’s outfit. He creeps me out. Their first challenge is to make a little speech to some Greek dignitaries and include a little bit of Greek terms into their speeches as well as tell them why they’re excited to be in such a beautiful country. Everyone pretty much sucked besides  Allison thanks to Angelea incorporating her need to use the bathroom into her speech.

These girls get to  work with Michael Cinco to come up with design ideas for a dress they might wear in the finale. Angelea tells him to just make it look good, Boo, and Dominique apparently wants to have shiny things hanging from the crotch of her dress in order to be the most dragalicious she can be.

All of a sudden, my little darling Laura is feeling incredibly sick.  I’m going to guess she kissed this donkey and that’s when things went downhill. 

Unlike most of the other complainers on this show, she decides to tough it out and do her best.

The girls head to the beach and meet Jay Manuel at a large salad bowl and are told they’ll be modeling underwear. If this is just a giant test for Shannon “I don’t do underwear” McSnoozefest, I’m OK with it. But can we talk about putting a campaign together that pairs underwear and feta cheese?

Jay tells Dominique to “work your salad” and falls in love with all of her shots.

Shannon keeps playing the large underwear is worse than the slutty bikini briefs game and decides she’s not going to participate in the tossed salad shoot. Meanwhile, Laura is only feeling worse and worse.

During the commercial break I’m convinced there might not be anything worse than the new Adam Sandler movie, Jack and Jill.

Allison is having a hard time outside with her “vampire vision” sensitivity. Every time she opened her eyes they would start tearing. Lisa did a nice job being glamorous pouring olive oil on herself in a giant salad bowl. Laura struggled with looking like a sexy little girl and not a model. Once again the show is guilty of some serious flip flopping.

At the judge’s table, Allison went first and was able to give a good photo even with her eyes closed.

Angelea said she felt awkward during her shoot, which is not good

Lisa did a great job in her salad bowl but then got criticized for thinking too much about her poses.

Shannon was up and tried to talk her way into the judges’ good graces for sticking up for what she believes in regardless of how absurd it is.

Dominique looked incredible in her photo and I’m hoping she gets best picture.

When Laura goes up, she is told that her photo is too erotic for her being such a sweetheart and, in Nigel‘s eyes, it comes off as being “wrong.”

This is all I have to say to that:

Even as they were talking down about her picture, Laura didn’t make any excuses and never told them how sick she was. That’s why she’s already a top model in my book.

Best photo went to Dominique who absolutely deserved it. Allison got the second best, which is kind of cray, but alright.

The bottom two were Shannon and Laura. Laura has never been in the bottom before and has even won some challenges. Shannon hasn’t done anything good and bores us to tears while also being unable to complete challenges. If Laura is sent home I will cut a bitch.

Finally, Shannon is sent home. Peace out girl. And there you have it folks, we’re down to five ladies and my money is still on Allison, Laura or Dominique. What say you?