“Glee” Episode 304 Recap: “Lord Tubbington Thinks You’re Purrfect, and So Do I.”

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She looks at him in angry disbelief. “What did you just call me?”

He knows he’s gone too far, as he frequently does. “Brittany, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, all the guys in Glee Club call me that, and you’re their leader, so

that makes you worst of all,” she says. “You cannot call your future president

an idiot. It’s mean, it’s bullying, and I won’t accept it.”

And she goes off with Santana to tell Mercedes they’re in.

Burt’s wasted no time invoking his right to equal time on the airwaves, and is

doing his own “Burt’s Corner” on the same newscast Sue is a regular

on.

As she watches, he tells the viewers, “Sue Sylvester

has gotten a lot of mileage coming on this show and scaring you into thinking

that a high school putting on a musical is the reason your neighbor’s house got foreclosed on. What she doesn’t tell you

is that she spends the entire McKinley art department budget on things like leg

warmers for her Cheerios.”

As if Burt smacking down Sue wasn’t enough, we now get to see Santana crush the

egomaniacal Sugar Motta.

When Sugar greets Santana and Brittany as more back-up for

her, she gets the smack down we’ve all been wanting to see since the first time

she opened her mouth.

“Okay, I did not just leave one diva-driven glee club to join another,”

Santana tells her. “So let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I’ve

seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, and sway, and

sing very, very quietly.”

Sugar clearly had been waiting for an alpha bitch to come

along, because she crumbles instantly. “I just wanted to be on the winning

team for once,” she whimpers.

Mercedes smiles. “So just turn down the ‘tude, and you will be.”

Suddenly Shelby, who has been standing two feet away, gets her sense of hearing

back and starts a discussion about the group’s new name. Hot Bitches, Hot

Messes, and Free Beer don’t make the cut, but The Troubletones does.

Once they have a name, they also have awesome costumes, back-up dancers,

a band, and a well-choreographed rendition of Christina Aguilera’s “Candyman.” It was fantastic. I’m sure it

was, even if I spent the whole thing ogling Santana in her blue Andrews Sisters

suit and not really watching anything else.

Finn and Will are watching in the audience, and when the

girls are done, Finn says, “We’ve got trouble.”

“Big trouble,” Will agrees.

In the hall later, Finn walks up to Mercedes,

Brittany, and Santana and apologizes to Brittany for calling her

an idiot. He wishes them well and says they’re great, and tells them he doesn’t

want to see their friendships end.

Brittany

accepts his apology and they hug, with Rory watching on, beaming. It turns out

he thinks this means Brittany’s

last wish has come true; it was apparently that no one would be hurt by her

leaving New Directions.

But Brittany

has gotten wise. She tells him Finn’s not happy, he’s heartbroken. And that

there’s no such thing as leprechauns, although it would be a good thing if

there were. She walks off, leaving a stricken Rory behind.

Santana delivers the final blow, telling him her one last

wish is for him to disappear.

Back at the only restaurant in Lima, the Hudson-Hummels are strategizing

Burt’s congressional run. Kurt’s worried about the effect it will have on his

health, but Burt says that it took almost dying to get him to see what was

really important.

Kurt was also worried about the effect of having a gay son

on Burt’s campaign, but Burt said he was proud of Kurt and it wasn’t going to

matter.

Sue shows up with a quintuple-decker bacon cheeseburger in

hand, and encourages Burt to eat it up. She

thanks him for helping her get her focus back. She says she’s going to

start talking about a truly important issue, the need for special education in

the schools, in honor of her late sister.

Kurt asks if that means she’s going to stop trying to shut

down the arts programs, and she snorts. “Sweet Porcelain, so naïve,”

she says. No, she’s still going after the arts, because at McKinley they have

no special ed teachers or classes, and she thinks those would be “a better

use of school funds than flying the Glee Club to New York without a set list only to lose at

Nationals with a song they made up the night before.”

Sue is obviously on Tumblr.

Back at school the next day, Finn sees Rory getting bullied

by mullet boy and his friends, and tells them to leave him alone. They’re not

deterred, laughing about him running off to tell Mr. Schuester.

Not Mr. Schu,” Finn says. “Coach Bieste.”

They’re outta there.

Then Finn brings Rory to audition for New Directions. He

sings Teddy Thompson‘s “Take Care

of Yourself,” a song I don’t like. And even if I did, what a waste to give two

solos to a character we don’t even know. Could we not have heard from Tina, for

instance? No, because I guess it’s enough that while he’s singing we see her,

along with Artie and Kurt, try to be friendly with Mercedes, only to have

Santana pull her away.

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