Once upon a time, 19 years ago, in a faraway land south of Houston Street in Manhattan, seven strangers were brought together in a fancy loft to have their lives taped “to find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real.” Coming from disparate backgrounds, these seven young adults examined issues such as race, sexual orientation and other social and cultural differences. The inaugural Real World, Real World: New York, aired in 1992, the year of the Los Angeles Riots, and racial tensions bubbled to the surface in the Real World house, culminating in a heated confrontation between African American cast member Kevin Powell and white southerner Julie Gentry.
Arguably the most memorable season in Real World history was Season 3: Real World San Francisco. HIV positive Pedro Zamora, who had already testified about HIV education before Congress, joined the cast, bringing awareness about HIV and AIDS to a national audience. Shortly after Zamora’s death, which occurred a day after the final episode aired, then President Bill Clinton made a televised address giving recognition to Zamora for his contribution to AIDS education.
Then at some point, The Real World stopped being real and started being ridiculous.
Bedroom cameras were installed in Season 11, Real World: Chicago to record hookups, and the main cast member in Season 12, Real World: Las Vegas was the hot tub, who was a gracious host to several rounds of spit swapping, including a bisexual three way whose aim was to titillate, not educate.. By Season 22, there was no attempt to hide that The Real World had become “eight semi nude kids, a hot tub and a lot of tequila.” The season was set in the spring break capital of the world, Cancun, with an impeccably beautiful cast, including two Hooters waitresses and a former nude model, willing to get crunk, hook up, and throw fire extinguishers off of hotel balconies.
While The Real World changed focus from earnest social commentary to a beer-soaked party hardy good time, it has always included LGBT cast members and been at the forefront of LGBT visibility in the media, from Norman Korpi in Season 1, Beth Anthony in Season 2 all the way to Preston Roberson-Charles in Season 24. Even though The Real World has waded in the same fetid sewage tank as its juicehead progeny Jersey Shore, it has consistently championed LGBT rights. For example, Danny Roberts brought awareness on the now-defunct “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” in Season 9, Katelynn Cusanelli came out as transgender in Season 21, and Mike Manning worked with the HRC in Season 23.
This season continues the tradition and includes two LGBT cast members, lesbian Samantha “Sam” McGinn and bisexual Frank Sweeney. Sam’s bio states that she is passionate about gay rights, and just from the first episode it looks like she will be outspoken about her identity as a butch lesbian. It also looks like she will spit a lot of game and possibly get more poonani than any of the guys in the house. Sorry, guys! And Frank? He will have feelings. A lot of them. About everything. Pull out the paper towels and get ready to wipe the floor in the confessional, because Frank is going to cry his way through this season!
Here is the rest of the cast, from the left to the right.
Priscilla, at 19, is the youngest cast member. The Real World is just as old as she is, and someone wearing a suit in TV land finally realized, after all these years that underage drinking is illegal, and she is forbidden to drink on set. This means she will probably be absent from all social activities except to be the designated driver. Priscilla, time to practice pumping gas and parallel parking. Sucks to be you!
Nate is the resident womanizer of the cast. He is the type of guy your mom and Britney Spears warned you about. He also has a nuclear engineering degree, so not only does he split legs, he also splits atoms.
Ashley is the resident blonde. She is also a model. This means she is supposed to be the resident “hot girl.”
Zach is the resident hot guy. He looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model, and he shaves his legs like one too.
The Real World always has a normal cast member to give people hope that the future of this country isn’t completely doomed. This time around, the token normal cast member appears to be Alexandra.
The episode opens with Priscilla and her mom in a car. This is probably the only time Priscilla will be in the passenger seat all season. Priscilla asks her mom if she has ever had sex in her room. Priscilla’s mom answer she had sex in Priscilla’s room while they were living in their old condo. I don’t know about you, but thinking about your parents having sex is like thinking about sticking your head under the rump of an elephant with IBS; those things shouldn’t happen in this lifetime or the next. My parents never had sex. FedEx sent the stork to Cleveland and dropped me off on the window sill. Priscilla wrinkles her nose, and then her mom asks her whether she’s done it in her bed. Priscilla says no, but she has done it on grandma’s couch. “Grandma’s couch?” asks momma. “Where was grandma?” Filming it to supplement her social security check? Wait, did I just cross a line? Don’t go away! For those who haven’t thrown up in their mouths, Showtime Networks thought of this concept before I did.
Frank and Ashley meet, and Frank looks like he stepped out of a 1980s VH1 special. He says his look is that of a “Puerto Rican cowboy,” but it looks more like Hawaii five DOH! Ashley tells Frank she is a model. “I got into modeling, because I didn’t want to step into a formal job,” she says.
Next, Zach and Sam meet. Zach says he doesn’t know what gender Sam is because it could go either way. Sam rolls in and says “Nice to meet you, bro.” Zach reacts with confusion, which, like Zoolander‘s “blue steel,” will be his signature look when it comes to understanding gender expression and sexual orientation.
Nate and Alexandra are the next cast members we meet. Both studied engineering, and Alexandra tells Nate she went to Stanford. “She’s smarter ‘n me,” says Nate.
Back to Zach and Sam. Zach is still confused. Zach says, “I’m not sure still if I have a female or male roommate.” He looks out the window from discomfort. Here’s a clue, Zach. You see those two things protruding out of Sam’s chest? Those are called breasts. I call ’em boobies, because I’m 12. You don’t have them, but maybe you’ve heard of them.
Meanwhile, Frank is already putting the moves on Ashley. “You’re really pretty,” he says. “You really are.” “Would you hook up with a roommate?” he asks. Ashley says she isn’t opposed to it. Frank says he’s hooked up with most of his roommates at school, both guys and girls. “I don’t discriminate,” he says. “If someone wants to hook up, I’m gonna hook up.”
They arrive at the Real World house, and Alexandra asks the most pivotal question of the season.
“Do we have a hot tub?” she asks. “We do,” responds Priscilla, sending Nate into a Ren and Stimpy-esque frenzy. “Ooooh hoo hoo!” he shrieks, making a short detour for the energy drink before checking out the eighth cast member, the famed hot tub.
Priscilla makes small talk with Nate. “Where do you come from?” she asks. “Kansas City,” he responds. Priscilla asks Nate whether there are beaches in Kansas City. “Priscilla is not exactly a deep thinker,” concludes Nate.
Then Frank sees Alexandra and immediately forgets about Ashley, asking Alexandra “Are you single?” She says she has a boyfriend but this doesn’t deter Frank. “A serious boyfriend?” presses Frank. “He moved to LA to be with me,” she says, and Frank exhales in frustration.
Nate breaks the tension with a suggestion, “Let’s pick up liquor now.” Frank heartily agrees, because on The Real World, alcohol solves all problems.
Next, Sam comes out to Zack. “My dad said he always wanted a boy, and I told my mom, ‘You did.’ You just got one in a girl’s body,” she tells Zack, who continues to look confused. He says he’s conservative from a small town and never expected to live with someone like Sam.
When Sam and Zack enter the house, Priscilla squeals, “Three girls and four guys! Cool!” Sam goes in for a hug, and Priscilla is surprised to discover that Sam has breasts, much like she was surprised to learn that there are no beaches in Kansas City. Priscilla has learned so much already!
There is only one room in the house left, and Zach is nervous. “I don’t want to share a room with a girl, especially a girl with opposite lifestyle choices as me,” he remarks. Meanwhile, Nate is irritated that Zach is taller than he is, because he wanted to be the alpha male in the house. Both are missing the point. Zach should be psyched that he will never see a naked wiener besides his own in his room, and Nate should be concerned that Sam, not Zach, will be stealing all the chicks.
The cast piles into the hot tub, and Sam presents everyone with a tray of beer. “Single people raise your hand!” she shouts. Everyone raises their hands except for Alexandra. Frank is displeased. “I don’t want her boyfriend to hold her back. I want her to be able to come out and party with us,” says Frank. Pssht, don’t get it twisted. You want her to party with you in a horizontal position six feet away from Nate and a camera dangling from the ceiling.
Sam tells everyone that San Diego Pride is approaching, and the girls, especially Priscilla are enthused to go with her. Frank is less than excited, because, as he says, “Sexuality doesn’t matter.” He’s so fluid that labels aren’t an issue. [Pausing for the inevitable catfight in the comments section about coming out, sexual fluidity and labels.]
Then, all of the girls pile into the shower. “This is so weird, because you like girls and we’re naked,” squeals Priscilla. Frank peels off all this clothes, causing Nate to cover his eyes and Zach to shake his head and scramble away. Frank jumps into the shower with the girls. Sam is revolted, and Ashley runs away down the hall. It has happened! Despite the diverse backgrounds of all the of roommates, they have all come to a unanimous decision about an important issue: Frank should keep his clothes on.
Then Frank comes out to Nate, who says that although he would “freak out” if he saw him hooking up with a guy, he should go on with his bad self and do what he wants.
The boys decide to have a boys night out to talk about the girls in the house. Sam sees them leave and runs after them. Frank says that although Sam is a lesbian, he is irked. The other guys look uncomfortable. Zach wonders out loud whether Frank or Nate is going to get the hotter chicks. Sam says she will be reeling in the catches. “Girls know what girls want,” she says, matter of factly. The other guys continue to look uncomfortable.
The boys suggest that Zach will be “taking down” Ashley, and meanwhile, the girls suggest that Zach is the hottest guy in the house, and the camera pans to Ashley, who basically says that Zach is her type. Soon afterwards, Zach and Ashley are on the rooftop on the life sized chess board pushing pawns around as lovey dovey music swells in the background. No one could have predicted this. No one.
The roommates decide not to go out, because Priscilla is underage and they don’t want to leave her behind. They decide to spend the night at home and make a liquor run. On the way to the liquor store, they accidentally fall into a club, thereby leaving Priscilla home alone with a snoring Nate. Funny how that happens.
Nate wakes up and Priscilla climbs into bed with him. Nate remarks that Sam isn’t very attractive and that Franks bisexuality is “weird” for him. Then he proceeds to make out with Priscilla, because that’s the next logical thing to do.
“I will bet infinite amounts of money that [Nate and Priscilla] are just sleeping,” says Frank. Frank lost his shirt twice this episode – figuratively as well as literally.
After stumbling back to the house, Alexandra gets on the phone with her boyfriend Byron and Frank takes the phone away from her and tells Byron how hot Alexandra is. Later, Frank and Alexandra talk about relationships, and Frank cannot take his eyes off of her. Alexandra tells the confessional camera that she is so happy that someone is interested in hearing about her relationship. I guess Stanford never taught her when to recognize when someone has a crush on her.
Zach and Nate talk about Sam and Frank’s sexualities in the confessional. Zach covers his eyes when Nate tells him that Frank is bisexual.
“We’re fending for ourselves here!” shouts Nate. “It’s gonna get messed up pretty soon,” agrees Zach.
Can someone tell Beavis and Butthead that it’s 2011?
And then it’s off to a club again! Frank gets drunk, sees Alexandra chatting with a guy, and gets upset. He decides to take out his frustrations on someone else, a bimbo who is siphoning off the cast’s free liquor. She calls him a faggot, and he screams that she is a piece of trash. Security intervenes, and Sam accompanies Frank back home in a car.
The two discuss the incident on the car ride home. Sam remarks that the word “faggot” set him off but, to her, it’s just a word. He says that he will never stop being angry at being called that word, and Sam says that he should just let things roll off his back and that he can’t flip out every time he hears a slur.
Back at the house, Frank continues to be an emotional drunk, punching the wall because Alexandra has a boyfriend and then finally passing out in the confessional. The roommates try to rouse him, but he is unresponsive, so they throw a blanket over him and leave him to his emo dreams.
Stay tuned! Next week, Frank flips out and cries. Again.
