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“The Playboy Club” recap: Episode 2

Welcome back to another episode of The Playboy Club! I have to say, I spoke with series creator, Chad Hodge this morning and he’s got a lot of great things planned for the show; for the gay characters in particular. I’ll save most of what I have to say for the interview post but I do want to tell you all that his vision is very different than the one in place for Mad Men and I hope you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that the level of camp combined with a “fantasy land” for the bunnies was intentional. Stop getting so hung up on the decade and its aesthetics and let’s concentrate on the fact that it took me three and a half hours to just get my notes done for this recap. While we’re on the subject, I should probably also let you know I had one cocktail and was over-tired while taking my notes. On to the show.

We’re back at the club, the band starts, the spotlight shows off a hot bunny tail and Bunny Momma Carol Lynne is on stage getting the night started with some heat. Outside, the two schlubs who found Mr. Bianchi’s club key are standing in line and have no idea what they’re in for.

Good looking couples are ushered in, pictures are taken and Carol Lynne is giving her best shimmy shimmy shake. Backstage, the girls are in a tizzy because Hef has sent a message to all the Chicago girls telling them they’ve all got the opportunity to apply to be featured on the cover of Playboy magazine. Prude Bunny Alice says, “Bunnies are bunnies and playmates are playmates. Bunnies wear clothes!” I’m sure her inner monologue went something like this, “But if you all insist on applying, maybe I can help you figure out which camera angles look best to show off your good side.”

Bunny Brenda literally thanks God for having the opportunity to get nekkid for cameras. Maureen can’t wait to try her luck but all I can concentrate on are the lack of space where her boobs are.

Upstairs, Carol Lynne is still on stage showing off her sexiness while Nick looks on in desire. His buddy Billy sees all of this and gives him the sage advice, “Hey next time don’t take home the blond bunny during the middle of the other one’s set.” Nick rolls his eyes and tells Billy nothing actually happened the other night. Billy says, “You expect me to believe the two best-looking people in Chicago spend the night together and nothing happens?” Slow your roll Billy, Chicago is filled with good-looking people. Nick replies, “Actually, something did happen,” and something happened for me too! When I hit pause on the TiVo to jot down notes, a still shot of Eddie Cibrian and his dimple came up on my television and I finally realized why I don’t like him so much: While I can agree that he is a hot guy looks-wise, he reminds me of Mario Lopez with those dimples. I have a burning hatred for Mario Lopez the same way my mom hates (gay men reading this, cover your eyes) Bernadette Peters. Now that that’s off my chest, hopefully I can pay more attention to the show.

So something happened with Maureen, but Nick’s not sure what. Billy wants to know how Nick expects to win Carol Lynne back. Before you can sing the theme song to Saved by the Bell, the subject changes to the mob boss who was killed. Nick does a pretty good job of acting like he doesn’t know anything and Billy can only hope his club doesn’t get into any trouble or go through any changes because the club was the last place the mob guy was seen. Unfortunately for him, Mr. Bianchi’s son is already spending a lot of time in there. They see him, he sees them and summons them over.

As they make their way, we are brought back to the front of the club, where the poor two schlubs who found the key at the end of the last episode are trying their luck with the key they found. They’re let in and Mr. Bianchi’s name tag is slid into place on the Bunny Board of Customers. Maureen sees his name and her head twirls into a flashback of almost getting raped and then kicking a hole into an old man’s neck. She snaps back into it and, now I’m thinking she might be a sociopath based on how unfettered she seemed.

Back in “Somebody’s Got Daddy Issues” territory, Nick sits down with John Bianchi, Mr. Bianchi’s son, who says, “I haven’t been able to sleep all week,” to which Nick replies, “You never did sleep well.” It seemed really gay until I remembered they’re kind of like brothers. John then tells Nick that he should be helping him try to find his Dad, the rapist mob boss with a heart of gold. Nick pretty much laughs in his face and if handlebar mustaches were in fashion back then he’d be twirling that bitch.

Bunny Maureen doesn’t like all the attention she isn’t getting so she stops by John and Nick’s table to see if they’d like to buy cigarettes. John hits on Maureen by saying she’s a “beautiful thing” and she snaps back that she isn’t a “thing.” This is coming from the woman who can’t wait to be selected to pose nude for a men’s magazine. I’m not going to lie, I actually feel badly for John right now. Maureen grabs Nick and tells him to look at the guys at the table who obviously don’t belong. She tells Nick how they got in and she’s sorry and doesn’t want to feel any worse about things. Nick starts to speak calmly and talk about next steps but Maureen snaps at him again basically with a, “Uh, duh, I realize that.” Someone pass the Midol to Maureen please. They decide she will get the key from the guys and he will take the name placard down.

She successfully slithers over to the gentlemen’s table and flirts her way into getting them to buy her cigarettes. She asks to see their club key and it seems like her job here is done.

Nick goes to take the name off the board but is interrupted by the fierce presence of Carol Lynne. He twinkles his eyes, shows his dimples and tells her how much he loved her song. She congratulates him on his success and he thanks her for helping him get there. Get a room you crazy kids.

Bunny Maureen is still at the table and she tells the guys she knows the man who owns that key and they, sirs, are not him. She tells them, or rather, her breasts tell them that the place doesn’t take too kindly to trespassers but she’ll be a nice girl and let them get away as long as they leave right now. They agree and skedaddle.

She heads towards the client board and sees Nick speaking with Carol Lynne. He pleads with her and says she has to believe nothing happened with him and Maureen. She gives a little chortle and says, “If only I could.”

Maureen, not trying to waste any time, scurries to the board and looking very suspicious, takes Mr. Bianchi’s name off. Of course, when she turns all the way around to see who is near her (like she should’ve done to begin with) John Bianchi is standing right there. He says she danced with his dad the week before and she laughs it off. John says maybe the two of them should “dance” sometime. If he’s got the same moves as his dad he might want to insist on a dance with no shoes. Before leaving, he warns her about how Nick may seem like a prize, he’s a real heartbreaker.

Commercial Break and I want to take a poll: Show of hands for how many of you are going to see that new Anna Faris movie What’s Your Number? Should I be embarrassed that I want to go?

Commercial break is over and we’ve finally made it to the house of glitz, glamour and fabulosity: We made it to the gays y’all! Alice comes home to find her husband, Sean, going over a speech he is writing. They talk about plans for the week and it turns out, fake gay couples fight just like real gay couples and heterosexual ones! His parents are coming over, she can’t get off of work, he wants her to make chicken Kiev and he can’t take his (I’m assuming) overbearing mother alone. She caves in and sarcastically says she can’t wait to get some baby-making questions from his mother. He says it could be worse; it could be her parents. They share a laugh and she walks away. I’m sure we’ll hear more about her parents in the near future.

Back at the club, Maureen spends her time holding Mr. Bianchi’s key and looking forlornly into the mirror. She needs to find herself a hobby because having flashbacks of stuffing the key into her bunny suit just isn’t a good way to spend her time. It is, however, an OK time for me. Brenda catches Maureen and is like, “What’s up with you and that key?” Maureen lies and says she found it on the floor of the club and is going to put it on a necklace to wear for her Playboy cover model auditions. Brenda forgets all about the key and acts like she’s surprised Maureen was going to try out. Brenda must’ve forgotten she found out about auditions because Maureen was spreading the word.

She acts like she doesn’t care but it’s obvious she’s lying. I can tell she cares because she’s making the same face Raven Symone makes when she is serious about something. It’s on.

Maureen grabs the key, puts it on her necklace and makes eyes at herself in the mirror like Sarah Silverman at the end of Jesus is Magic (link is NSFW).

Rise and shine, the bunnies are woken by Carol Lynne, who is dressed in a little black number and looking hot! Everyone gets a training booklet and Maureen gets some added advice when Carol Lynne tells her she needs to train the most because she’s new and sucks at her job. Maureen says thank you and Carol Lynne continues the de-motivation while increasing the odd sexual tension between the two of them by commenting on how dirty her room is. As she’s looking around, she finds a copy of a an Playboy magazine with her on the cover. Maureen lets her know how much they all admire it and think she’s just so beautiful. She also says she’s really psyched to hear Hef is looking for a Chicago bunny to be on the cover. It was Carol Lynne’s idea, of course, and she says if Maureen wants to be on the cover she has to be a real bunny first so she had better train hard.

As Carol Lynne walks away, she notices Maureen’s dirty, blood-soaked costume and scolds her for wearing it outside of the club. The Mama Bunny takes the outfit away to get cleaned, much to the horror of Maureen.

Somewhere in another part of town, Nick sweet-talks his way into Mayor Daley‘s office to ask for his blessing to run for State’s Attorney. Daley asks Nick if he’s spoken to Bruno, Mr. Bianchi, about it. Nick says he hasn’t spoken to him since three Christmas parties ago. Daley says Nick’s got his blessing but also makes it clear that he expects a bribe.

During training, the girls are off to a rough start because none of them can answer Carol Lynne’s first question, with the exception of Mensa’s smartest bunny, Maureen. Brenda and Janie are now the mean girls of the house and think they already know everything. Carol Lynne calls them out and directs the next question at them specifically. They don’t know the answer but Maureen is two for two. That’s all for that day’s training but Carol Lynne tells them if they want to get their chance at the Playboy cover they have to get their shots in by that Friday.

Bunny Janie goes to talk with her boyfriend, bartender Max, who looks like a cross between Mark Paul Gosselar and Ryan Reynolds. He can’t understand why she isn’t sending her pictures in. She successfully deflects the question by reminding him about how jealous he already was about the clientele being all over her.

The seamstress, Pearl, tells Carol Lynne there isn’t anything she can do with all the blood on Maureen’s outfit. So, like any good den mother would do, she confronts Maureen and asks, “How did you get all this blood on your costume?” Instead of coming up with, well, anything really, Maureen simply states that she cannot tell her. That wasn’t going to cut it and thankfully Maureen comes up with a plausible story saying that she went out to smoke and got accosted by a “street man” who tried to steal her money. She fought him back and kicked him and it sounded really good until she said he hit her and her nose started to bleed and that was how it all went down. I’m no Dexter, but those blood spatter patterns are all wrong.

The good news is, she was able to come up with a reason Nick swooped in and took her home. This seems to ease some of the tension between the two women.

Speaking of Nick, he makes a quick stop by John Bianchi’s place to let him know he’ll help find his father. The good man that he is says, “I’m not doing this for Bruno, I’m doing this for you,” and somehow walks away with a brand new slick car. It turns out, he uses the car as the bribe to Mayor Daley. He is one crafty mo fo.

In the dressing rooms, Carol Lynne and Pearl are still talking about all that blood on Maureen’s dress, but more importantly, they’re talking about how Nick may have kept it in his pants and she should give him another chance. Pearl says, “Oh honey he’s a man; he’ll never be perfect.” I got news for you toots, women are no piece of cake either. Carol Lynne decides to give Maureen the benefit of the doubt and to save her outfit, they dye her costume and her heels bright red. Obviously she will be the hottest in the room.

Maureen goes swinging her red hot tail in the general direction of poor, sweet, gay Alice who doesn’t know what’s coming: a request from Maureen to stay late and take her audition photos. Lady boner!

She says, oh hey, yeah definitely. While Alice is sweating and Maureen adjusts her cleavage flirtatiously for the camera, Nick and Carol Lynne have made up and are making up for lost sexy time.

A little bit later, Alice asks Carol Lynne for the night off to be with her in-laws. She explains that she needs to take the night off because they don’t know she’s a bunny and would be mortified to find out she worked there. Carol Lynne tells her there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being a bunny and they should all hold their heads high.

It’s time to announce the finalists for the Playboy cover and Brenda, Maureen and Janie are a part in the top five. Janie is pissed that she was called because she hadn’t entered. When it’s her turn to get on stage, she tells Hef to choose the other girls and storms off.

While the other girls tell Hef about the positive things they want to do to if they get the cover, Maureen seduces him with her sad stories. If there is one thing I have learned from being friends with straight men, it’s that they love a girl with daddy issues. Game, set, match.

When the ladies get ready for bed, Brenda asks if Maureen was giving the sob story as part of the audition. Then they bond and Brenda shares how she wants the cover spot so badly, not just to be the first African-American model, but also because she wants to own something. She’s been saving her money in order to buy some real estate. Maureen thinks that’s really nice. They hug.

I’m a little bit confused by the space-time continuum but we are taken to the powder room where Maureen is now smoking a cigarette in her lingerie and reading the paper, as one does in their lingerie in the powder room.

Nick walks in and they talk about their situation. He tells her not to worry because he used to be the clean-up guy for the Bianchi family. She says, “Wow, you told me something real about yourself.” He says they are the only two who know about it. Carol Lynne sneaks into the background unnoticed and overhears a small portion of their conversation. Nick asks Maureen to tell him something about herself that’s real. Maureen says she’s a fixer too, but before she can elaborate too much, Carol Lynne breaks up the convo and once again accuses Maureen of wanting a piece of her man. She tells her to back off or else she’ll show her how bad things can get in Chicago.

Finally we’re back at the gay house for awkward family diner. I was wrong about Sean’s mother, she seems like a well-intentioned pushover while his dad is rough around the edges and won’t shut up about politics. Alice interjects and says, “Enough about politics,” and his mom couldn’t agree more. The baby-making question comes up quickly and it’s time to pass the rolls.

At the bunny house, Maureen can’t figure out who stole her red lipstick and Carol Lynne starts doing her passive-aggressive complimenting of Maureen, who she has dubbed, “The Scarlet Bunny.” It’s time to announce the cover model and Bunny Janie wins it. There’s no time for celebration – she runs out crying and yells at Max saying it was none of his business and she’s going to be in trouble now because she’s already married to a crazy guy who doesn’t know where she is but he definitely has a subscription to Playboy. Max gets pissed and throws down his bar towel.

Outside the club, Mayor Daley and Mrs. Daley arrive at the Playboy Club in the new Jaguar Nick scammed off of John. John and company arrive shortly after and see the car parked outside.

There are jokes being told back at the gay household and it’s reminding me a bit of Serial Mom. “Who is the most famous big singing elephant?” “Elaphitsgerald.” Laughter! Alice tries to give them the “get the heck out of here” signal but her father-in-law decides tonight’s the night they should all go as a family to the Playboy Club. Some families go to the Olive Garden, others go to strip clubs. He says he got the key from Abe Froman, which I totally missed but was reminded by Chad today that it was a Ferris Bueller reference – Abe was the “Sausage King of Chicago.” I love little sneaky pop culture references making their way into the storyline.

On the floor, Maureen’s red bunny costume is a big hit with everyone and she thinks it’s really cute when Alice walks in with her in-laws in tow. John comes over to talk to Nick and tells him it seems like he’s not really doing much asking around or helping out. Nick gives him smarmy looks back and says he’ll do what he can. John says he’ll stick around to watch Nick’s back and, oh yeah, he saw the new car outside. Nick says he told him it was a donation to the campaign; they shake hands and get photographed. Crafty gay swoops in, pays for the picture and uses it to talk himself into a job with Nick’s campaign. This is why gay men get ahead in life. He says to Nick, “It’s not about who you are, it’s about what you portray.” Prediction: Sean will be credited with coining the term, “Queer eye for the straight guy” later in life.

Somewhere in the bowels of the club, Carol Lynne does more of her good cop/naughty cop mood swinging and tells Maureen she decided to put her on the cover since Janie can’t do it. She thought wearing the key was a very smart plan. Maureen is happy but can’t fully appreciate it because Janie should’ve been on the cover. Janie says she is trying to get lost. Maureen says she’s trying to get found. I say, just get naked. As predicted, Maureen has daddy issues. She wants her dad to find her … by seeing her on the cover of Playboy. I think even I’m going to need therapy after this.

As Brenda sleeps, Maureen adds some of her prize money to her roommate’s real estate fund. Nick and Carol Lynne laugh and walk arm-in-arm out of the club while John looks on and tells his mob friend to keep an eye on the blond one. The blond one is busy pondering her key again and decides to put it into a jar that literally reads, “Vanishing Cream,” but I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to make the key vanish.

In next week’s episode, bearding is invented as the gay gives Nick’s campaign a makeover, secrets start to come out, and Maureen wonders why the vanishing cream didn’t make the key actually vanish. I made that last one up.

What did you think of last night’s episode? I was hoping for more time spent on the Lavender marriage, and to learn a little bit more about their background and the role they play in the Mattachine Society. Also, Alice was looking super hot this episode and I swear it’s not even because she’s the gay one! I’m ready for the show to pick up a little bit and I want to see some of the subplots explored more fully throughout an episode rather than a bunch of subplots thrown in at the same time. I’m hopeful though, and think now that the first two episodes filled with character introductions are out of the way, we’ll get to see these subplots explored.

By the way, Alice’s husband, Sean, is played by actor Sean Maher who only recently came out publicly. I want to extend big CONGRATS and big hugs to him and his family!

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