“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: It’s not whether you wiener lose, it’s how you pose with a hot dog


Um, I am still recovering from last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model. It took me three — yes, three — hours to watch the show last night because there were too many amazingly awkward screen-shots to take. This morning, I had 94 pictures from last night’s show on my iPhone — 94 pictures of awkwardness mostly of a bizarre sexual nature. Go to the bathroom, grab a drink and maybe a snack and settle in for this recap.

We start in the van talking about the awesome prizes up for grabs this season. Virginal Shannon seems to be the most psyched and even comes across as a little scary if Lisa’s face is any indication.

Angelea says she doesn’t care that Brittany was sent home. Alexandria laments over the fact that so many people don’t like her and want her to go home but says she knows that a lot of people love her because she’s — her exact words  “a misunderstood star.” I’m pretty neutral about her right now but my TiVo box has continued only pausing on her awkward facial expressions.

Sheena tells the other girls she really wants to win because there hasn’t been an Asian winner or an Asian host for Extra (aim for the skies!). I’m having a really hard time taking any of them seriously with the scarves on their heads.

Tyra, looking totally hot and fly with a tie on, and a very short man show up unannounced and surprise the girls as they play a game of Ravers, Rednecks, Rich People and, I’m assuming, Postal Employees.

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