“Glee” Episode 301 Recap: Glee’s Got the Beat! Yeah! They Got It!

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It’s Jacob Ben Israel (Josh Sussman) and his microphone, so

this must be the start of a new school year at McKinley High. We get equal

parts heavy-handed exposition and salacious gossip-mongering, just what we need

to know that yes, my darlings: Glee

is back!

Allow me to recap the recap: Mercedes and Sam are

“so last June” and Sam moved out of state when his father got a job.

Mercedes has a new football-playing boyfriend, Marcus (Lamarcus Tinker),

and he knows she’s going to be a big star. Artie

and Tina are juniors, but Mike Chang is a senior, as are Finn, Rachel, and Kurt. Finn

has absolutely no idea what he wants to be when he grows up, but Kurt and

Rachel are heading for New York City as fast as they can click their shiny red

heels together and say, “There’s no place like Broadway.”

According to Santana, senior year “is all about being the Cheerios top “O” (or possibly “ho.” It’s hard to tell) ‘… and modelling my fierceness after my numero uno Latina, Paula Abdul!”

Jacob reminds her “that Paula Abdul is an Arab.”

Finn thinks to himself that he doesn’t know who he is, and

is quickly reminded with a slushy in the face. “Taste the rainbow,

beyotch!”

Lauren Zizes (Ashley Fink) has dumped both Puck and the Glee Club, to keep her

coolness quotient up. I’d be sobbing over that but rumor has it she’ll still

have a strong storyline later in the season. I love me some Zizes.

Now that we’re all caught up, we get a scene with Will and Emma in bed together. I feel like I just walked in on my parents.

Please make it go away.

At McKinley, Will sets out the 12th place trophy

from Nationals and tells the kids he’s not going to let them down this year. Especially,

it seems, since the guy who replaced him in April Rhodes‘ show won a Tony. Ouch.

He brings in a bunch of purple pianos, reclaimed from

foreclosed homes, and says he’s having them set randomly around the school. He

wants the New Directions kids to break out in song whenever they see one, as a

way of recruiting new members. This will not end well.

Rachel and Kurt tell Emma they intend to go to Julliard in New York City, only to

have their dreams crushed when she tells them there’s no musical theater

department at Julliard. She arranges for them to attend a mixer of local

students who want to go to The New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts in New York.

“You can check out the competish,” she says. Oh,

Emma. You’ve changed. It worries me.

Meanwhile in Sue‘s

office, Becky is giving her advice

on her run for Congress. She’s currently behind a rapist running from his

prison cell and “don’t call me at dinner time,” so she’s pretty

desperate. She thought, she tells Becky, that people wanted to vote for someone

who was for something, but her pro-deportation platform didn’t catch fire.

“People are angry,” she tells Becky. “They

want a candidate who’s against something.”

“Be against toast,” Becky suggests. “Bread’s

already baked. I don’t get toast.”

“Oh Becky, your twisted genius excites me,” Sue

says. But she has a different idea: she’s going to run on an anti-arts

platform. She launches it by smashing one of the purple pianos and making

racist comments to Mike and Tina. Hi, Sue! I’ve missed you!

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