“Hand aufs Herz” recap: Auf Wiedersehen, Jemma!


Previously on Hand aufs Herz, Ronnie roofied Jenny, which means she failed her mandatory drug test, which means her parents are coming to take her away from Emma.

Stefan is on the phone with Jenny’s parents talking about, “Yep, Jenny is here, locked in her room. There’s no way she’ll escape before you kidnap her back to the Kissing Capitol of Europe.” Except for Jenny isn’t locked in her room at all. For starters, she’s a ninja assassin; she probably kicked down the door with her brain. And for another thing, wild tyrannosaurus rexes couldn’t drag her away from Emma. She pops downstairs to give Ben a hug and a kiss goodbye before running away. I kind of wish she’d been dressed in full camouflage, with face paint and everything, but apparently they rushed to film these last episodes and didn’t have time to explore a more warrior-themed wardrobe for her.

At school, Emma is leaving one frantic message after another when she hears Jenny going “pssssst!” in the bushes like some kind of cartoon character. Emma is still under the impression that Jenny’s parents will listen to logic, but Jenny knows better. She’s like, “I didn’t have room for my space helmet or those pajamas I knitted out of Swiss cheese, but I’ve packed everything else I own and am officially a runaway!” They hug it out and agree that they’ll get through this scheme together.

As usual, Luzi saves the day. She offers up her house to Jenny, no questions asked. She’s like, “Take a nap or have a hot bath. If you need help moving a dead body or something, I’ll be home from school around 4:00.” ‘Cause that’s just the kind of friend Luzi is; she keeps an extra tarp and shovel around just in case you accidentally murder someone and need some help burying them under the volleyball court.

Luzi’s plan doesn’t quite work, though. Her mom is home because Pestalozzi is in an uproar over Jenny’s disappearance. She agrees to let Jenny and Emma stay for one night, because who among us could say no to Emma’s puppy dog eyes? Not me, that’s for sure. When Luzi tucks them into bed she literally goes, “If you’re going to have a pillow fight, please do it quietly.” And Jenny grins at Emma, all, “I don’t think it’s a pillow fight she’s worried about us having.” When you think about how Jenny is so unabased about sex, it makes it even sweeter that she was so nervous about sleeping with Emma that first time. Not the sex, but the thing behind the sex. The weight of what it means when it means something, you know?

After Luzi leaves, they wrestle around cutely, but find themselves in the dark staring at the ceiling after a few minutes. Now, there are two ways to ask a person to run away with you. There’s the Don Draper way: “I don’t want to be by myself; please come with me when I leave everything else behind.” And then there’s the other way, the way Emma explains that she’s going to run away with Jenny: “If you leave, you’ll take all the color from my world, so let’s leave the black-and-white behind us, together.” Jenny agrees. They decide to elope.

Only Luzi’s mom talks Jenny out of it the next morning. Jenny decides to turn herself over to her parents, thinking it’s the best thing for Emma, because it would be selfish to ask Emma to leave behind everything she loves and go on the lam with her. Jenny makes the decision after Emma has already left for school, so Emma is at a pre-STAG event saying goodbye to everyone while Jenny is at home writing her a farewell letter. It’s a heart-wrenching throwback to Emma’s own love confession from the Sister Act field trip. Jenny knows she needs to finish the letter and go, but also she can’t stop writing because she can’t make herself go.

Emma finds the letter and is like, “Hell no!” She chases down Jenny and begs her to stay, begs her parents to believe her that she didn’t do anything wrong. All of these last episodes are so very tense. There’s something singularly remarkable about the way Kasia and Lucy threw themselves into it. Emma is pleading and Jenny is holding her hands and rocking back and forth on her heels and my heart is hammering in my chest like a squirrel on fire in a cage also made of fire. They kiss goodbye and cling to each other and Jenny even sticks her head out of the window to look back at Emma when her dad forces her into the car and drives away. That sound you hear is the collective heart of a bazillion lesbians breaking as they sob into their ChocoFresh wrappers.

(If you’ve never watched an episode of HaH, do yourself a favor and watch that scene. You don’t need a translation.)

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