“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.09): Check your mate


It’s a beautiful morning in Boston. Dr. Maura Isles answers the knock at the door in slinky high-heeled boots only to find Det. Jane Rizzoli on her doorstep adjusting her Ponytail of Sporty Butchness (not unlike the Ponytail of Righteous Justice, but less likely to pack heat). Jane looks Maura up and down and, while appreciating her sexy ensemble, chastises her immediately for forgetting their crack-of-dawn run – the crack-of-dawn run which was Maura’s idea in the first place.

And then, then the Rizzoli & Isles writers do the meanest thing they’ve ever done to us. I mean it — more mean than That Lucky Bastard Ian. More mean than FBI Agent McBeardy. More mean than the time Maura threatened to undress Jane “the hard way,” but then didn’t show her doing it. Nope, what those big meanie writers do is imply that Tommy Rizzoli and Maura Isles were totally doing it. And when I say “implied,” I mean suddenly from around the corner Jane hears Tommy yell, “Hey, babe, once you touch it you’ve got to do something with it.”

See Jane’s face? Yeah. That is the face of lesbians everywhere going, “What touch? What something? WHAT THE HELL?” But those mean, mean writers were just teasing us. Because they can. Because, as I mentioned before, they’re mean. Because Tommy and Maura weren’t doing it – at least not that “it.” Even though Maura confesses that Tommy “spent the night” and is “quite good,” the “it” they were doing all night was playing chess.

Hello, collective lesbian sigh of relief. Though perhaps not too much of a sigh because it seems little Tommy boy thinks their chess “it,” might lead to the actual “it.” He’s giving Maura his best Rizzoli smolder and calling her “the best opponent I ever faced.” Maura, who has clearly seen a few Rizzoli smolders in her day, reflexively gives a little smolder back. You can’t blame her really, I mean, he does share the same DNA as Jane.

But Jane, just as clearly, is displeased by her little brother’s poaching on her territory. I know Tommy is the black sheep of the family, but hitting on your sister’s girlfriend is particularly low, dude. The sibling rivalry is blessedly interrupted by a call on Jane’s phone about a possible homicide. She tells Maura they have to go, but Maura says she’s about to “castle” and hasn’t been called in yet. I don’t know how to play chess and don’t know what “castle” means, but I assume given Jane’s face it means “irritate the hell out of your girlfriend.”

Maura then gets her call, and tells Tommy “no moves without me.” Jane then hisses at him, “No moves at all.” Tommy Rizzoli, you keep your dirty pawns off of Jane’s queen. Do not make big sis kick your ass.

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