“Grey’s Anatomy” recap: Episode 13 – “Don’t Deceive Me (Please Don’t Go)”

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Arizona begs Teddy to give her a pep talk so she’ll want to have Callie’s kid with Mark, but before the pep talk can begin Arizona is paged and goes racing off to find Callie with her feet up in stirrups (not in a fun way.)

Mark is standing next to Callie while a new hot blonde obstetrician named Lucy Fields (played by new Charlie’s Angel Rachael Taylor) checks on their McBaby.

Dr. Fields asks who everyone in the room is and Callie takes care of the introductions by pointing to Arizona and Mark and saying, “Lesbian lover. Baby daddy.”  My grandmother is rolling over in her grave. Callie is bleeding, but Dr. Fields says everything is normal. (I wouldn’t say “normal” but I’m sure the baby is fine.)

Alex is tending to his Alzheimer’s patient, Daniel, who is having an “episode” and is screaming for his wife, Victoria. The problem is his wife’s name is not Victoria. OH SNAP! Daniel met another woman, Victoria, in treatment and when they were both lucid they accidentally fell in love with each other. (Which is why I forbid my wife to go to the doctor for any treatments.)

Daniel’s wife brings in Victoria to calm Daniel down. Daniel’s wife and Victoria’s husband stand by and watch their spouses be lovey dovey with each other and even kiss each other in front of them. Oh, hell no! If this happened to me, I’d turn this incident into an episode of Bad Girls Club. Lucid or not, I’m ripping that bitch’s hair out!

In all seriousness, I’m not a violent person and don’t have much upper-body strength for fighting, but I would give this Victoria a stern talking to and then bottle my tears and FedEx them to her with an intense haiku explaining my endless sadness. The haiku would be something like this:

You took my lover

Whom shall I eat pizza with now?

Give her back to me!

Mark races down the hospital hallway to find Callie still sitting on the exam table, and she won’t get up until she is tested again. Come on, Callie get up! There are other patients waiting to be treated! There is probably a gunshot victim bleeding out in the hallway waiting for Callie and her entourage to pick out baby names. (I vote for Bridget Sloan Torres. It can work for a girl or boy’s name.)

Callie explains to Mark that she paged him because she’s a “hormone casserole.” Why does that sound delicious?

Callie says that she’s just scared that the baby is going to be messed up and Arizona will leave her again. Callie should be scared because both could happen depending on Shonda Rhimes’s mood that day. But most likely both won’t happen, at least not in the same episode.

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