Mind your head: Corrie spoilers below!
When I returned home from a week-long holiday yesterday, there were 36 emails in my inbox with some variation of the subject “Corrie Spoilers!” I chuckled to myself when I saw all of them: “What? Are they going to kill Sophie or something?” And then I clicked through to the first article and said out loud, “Cripes! They’re going to kill Sophie or something!”
According to those bastions of intrepid journalism, The Daily Star and The Sun, Sophie is going to fall off the roof of her church in a Coronation Street episode set to air this spring. I don’t want to rob you of the experience of reading the actual ledes from the tabloids; they’re always such a delight.
The Daily Star:
SAD Sophie Webster will end up fighting for her life when she falls off a church roof. The teenage lesbian dices with death after going on a bender.
The Sun:
TROUBLED Sophie Webster ends up in intensive care after she dramatically falls from a church roof. The lesbian lands on the roof of a parked car covered in blood after her cry for help goes terribly wrong in Coronation Street.
Notice how they both managed to call her “the lesbian” before closing the second sentence.
Troubled Sophie? Sad Sophie? So soon after climbing Sian’s tree and taking hold of her fruit? (See our Biblical interpretation of their much-hyped sex scene for further information on that particular analogy.) Apparently, Sian is going to hop out of town for a holiday where she’ll meet a girl named Chloe. Sophie’s going to spot photos of them on Sian’s Facebook page, see them frolicking gaily around Weatherfield, and then when she gets news that her dad has sold their house, she’s going to seek refuge at church.
Unfortunately, she’ll be mid-bender and when she hears her choir buddies mocking her sexuality, she’s going to climb to the roof – as you do – and fall off.
Far from being outraged that Corrie‘s writers are shoving the lesbian off a building, I’m actually kind of excited. In SoapLand, drama means one thing: A character is getting screen time! Being loved up and happy is all well and good, but not if you actually want to see your favorite character’s face. I’ll be honest: I was worried Sophie and Sian would both be pushed into the shadows after their storyline ran from coming out to shagging, but now their relationship is going to to get some external pressure in the form of catastrophe – which means the “sad,” “troubled” lesbian is being treated just like everyone else!
Seriously, Sophie and Sian aren’t going anywhere. They were voted “Soap Couple We’d Most Like to See Married in 2011.” So bring on the rooftop falls, the trams crashing out of the sky, the adulterous fathers and the SECRET BABIES! You can have your tired lesbian story lines; I want to see how my favorite couple deals with a tiger attack!
What do you think of Sophie’s – hang on, what did The Sun call it? Oh, right – fall from grace?
