“Coronation Street” recap: Merry Snogmas and a Happy Shag Year


Rosie has exactly zero qualms about choosing sides. She’s Team Sally, and when Tyrone dumps Baby Jack off and refuses to take him back, Rosie says, “What do you think you’re doing, bringing that in here?” (“That” being a human child.) Then, “Right. That’s it. I’m moving in with Jason. My birthday is not going to be spoiled by a screaming little brat.”

So Sally isn’t allowed at your birthday party, then, Rosie? Oh, well — she’s got a lot on her mind at the moment anyway. Jason buys Rosie some new shoes to ease her pain. It works. (Rosie Webster, I would take you as my lawfully wedded wife.)

Sophie is ripped up. She’s angry at her dad for the affair, but also she loves him, and Baby Jack is her half-brother after all. She flips and flops between shouting at him to leave and begging him not to go.

Sian is sheepish about taking sides, too, but she’s no dummy. She knows the world is not divided into Good People and Death Eaters. And so she says, “I know why Sally and Soph are mad at you, but it’s not like you’re an evil person or anything. And it’s obvious you’re sorry.”

As thanks for her benevolence, Kevin turns on her the next day and starts whinging about how she’s a freeloader who doesn’t pay rent, and so why should she get to eat food from the tasty cupboards, huh? Where is his Curly Wurly bar? He pays the mortgage. Sophie raises her eyebrow and calmly says, “If you say one more unkind thing about my girlfriend — the only person on earth who has shown you compassion, by the way — I will end you. In the meantime, if you need a place to sleep, Sian can move into my room.”

Sally says the the lezzers will not be shacking up together (Spoiler Alert: WRONG!) and that Kevin can sleep in the car.

Upstairs in Sophie’s room Sian says maybe she should move out. And Sophie shuts her down. She says if Sian leaves, she leaves. And her mum needs her too much right now for her to do that. So it’s settled. I have to show you this setup shot because it’s going to come full circle in a minute or two.

On New Year’s Eve, Sian suggests she and Sophie have a cozy night in. Kevin interrupts their interlude to say he’s decided to bounce up out of Sally’s lair after all. He’ll ring when he and his new son get settled somewhere. At that point, there’s nothing for it: Sophie tells her mum some girl from church invited them to a party and that they’ll be home before midnight. It’s a lying lie from Lie Town, UK. She and Sian go to a Feelings Bench — where they got their little gay start! — and toast with some kind of electric blue liquor.

Sian giggles about “girl from church” and is adorable in every way.

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