Welcome to Grey’s Anatomy’s “Slow Night, So Long.” We enter the McDreamy household and all the Residents are waking up to work the night shift. Avery is having a screaming nightmare and Lexie comes into his bedroom to calm him down and check out his big, bulging muscles.
Derek just finished working the day shift and he walks by Alex’s room and sees him waking up with his bloody bruised eye. Then Derek passes Lexie yawning in the hallway, and is startled by April, who has made breakfast even though it’s 6 pm at night. I love breakfast for dinner!
Derek isn’t interested in the late night French toast and instead crawls into bed with Meredith. Derek tells Meredith that he received the Alzheimer’s grant. Yippee, it’s time to celebrate! Will the McDreamies have some McSex? Nope, Meredith has to head out to work the night shift and leaves her McHusband behind to McMasturbate.
Meredith drives the McResidents to work and there is awkward tension in the car. Avery, Alex and April are all squished in the back seat. If I were April, I’d beg Lexie to let me ride shotgun. Alex and Avery tease each other about their scuffle and April is protecting her virgin body while looking out the car window.
We enter Seattle Grace Hospital with the yawning Residents, who are greeted by the Attendings. The Attendings pass off their patients to the Residents, give them their medical instructions and head out for the night.
Owen takes Avery aside to check in on him. Avery says he’s good and doesn’t need to talk to anyone. Avery’s wearing a shirt, so he can’t be that good. I thought Avery was allergic to wearing fabric on his upper body.
At Joe’s Bar, Derek is greeted and congratulated by McSteamy (who I saw shopping with his Noxzema wife in FAO Schwarz at the Beverly Center this weekend) Bailey and Callie. The doctors are there to celebrate Derek’s grant but are instead shocked when they see Cristina (who is dressed like Debbie Gibson from the 1980s) pouring drinks at the bar.
Yes, Cristina Yang-Hunt is acting like Piper Perabo in the cinematic classic Coyote Ugly.
Derek walks up to the bar and asks Cristina why she’s working there. Cristina says because Owen told her to get a job. Don’t judge her Derek! At least Cristina’s not working the pole.
Oh my god! As I typed that line McSteamy just said, “What’s so bad about bartending? She’s not dancing on a pole!” First McSteamy and I are in the same place at the same time and now we are thinking the same thoughts. I’m pretty sure he’s stalking me! Is it considered stalking if it’s just in my head?
Back at Seattle Grace, two severe trauma patients are rushed in and Lexie and Avery must tend to them. The patients are brothers who tried to outrun a train, and the train won. Trains aren’t something to play around with. These brothers should have watched Danny Devito’s Throw Momma from the Train, another cinematic classic! The ambulance workers bring in a severed foot and Lexie looks at Avery and says she wants to call Owen for help. Avery says no, they can do it without him. Then Avery looks at the second brother who is bloody and mangled he tells Lexie that she should call Owen. Women are always right!
Meredith is tending to Dr. Stark’s young patient Drew. Drew is complaining of abdominal pain and Drew’s mother, who is a nurse, is insistent on calling Dr. Stark back to the hospital to check in on her son.
Back at the bar Teddy walks in does a shot and complains about the crappy date she just went on. Her date asked her what her favorite food was and apparently, that’s a no-no in Teddy’s book. He should have asked her if she wanted 2% milk with her cafeteria lunch special. Then Teddy tells Callie to go to Africa and get back together with Arizona. I completely agree, but Callie says no.
Teddy: Go to Africa! Arizona is an idiot and she’s a fool. And you need to go there and tell her I told you to say that dating is evil and that what the two of you have is rare and that she’s an idiot. Get on an airplane and go to Africa and thank God that you never have to go on a first date again.
Callie: You know, I’m not going to Africa.
Teddy: Well then you’re just as big of an idiot as she is.
Callie, you have a chance to be with perfect blonde Jessica Capshaw. Swim to Africa if you have to!
Back at the hospital, April is assigned to two teenagers have Super Glued their arms together so they don’t have to be separated when the boy’s family moves to another state. April has to watch these underage lovers make out as she tries to pry their forearms apart.
Dr. Stark has arrived back at the hospital to check in on Drew. Stark pulls Meredith aside and says she shouldn’t have disturbed him because Drew isn’t sick, he just has gas. Dr. Stark leaves the hospital and heads back to his dinner reservation.
Owen has also arrived back at the hospital to work on the two brothers. Owen tries to revived the younger brother while Avery is next door trying to calm the older brother down who is screaming. Sadly, the younger brother dies.
Back at the bar Cristina pours Derek another scotch. Derek asks Cristina if she’s having any fun and gives her a tip for pouring his drink. Cristina and her high ponytail seem to be having a blast!
Once again Drew’s mother is complaining to Meredith about her son’s pain. She begs Meredith to call Dr. Stark again and get him back to the hospital and away from his tiramisu. I’d prefer the molten lava cake, myself. Meredith says she’ll run some tests.
Back at Joe’s Bar, Derek is really bummed out that Cristina is bartending. (Is it really that big of a deal?) Bailey is getting drunk and rambling. I’d love to party with Bailey, wouldn’t you?
Callie knows that Teddy and Arizona have been in contact, so she asks Teddy if Arizona has mentioned her at all. Teddy says that Arizona hasn’t mentioned her and Callie starts whining that she doesn’t want to start all over again and date someone new.
McSteamy pipes in with his sleazy advice. He tells her, “You might need a little sexual palate cleanser.”
Back off McSteamy, Callie’s on my team now! Then McSteamy points out a redhead in that back of the bar who has been eyeing Callie all night. Callie adjusts her bob haircut and decides to “go for it!”
Owen, Lexie and Avery are operating on the remaining brother. The patient’s parents show up and Lexie heads out of the OR to update them on their son’s status.
Alex and Meredith are chowing on pizza in the Attendant’s lounge and April walks in and bust up the party Debbie Downer-style.
April asks Meredith to help her figure out how to detach the young couple in love. Alex says to try acetone and April tells him to go away. Then April asks Meredith what she should do and Meredith suggests acetone as well. April thanks Meredith and snubs Alex on the way out. April should have been Amanda Seyfried’s understudy in Mean Girls.
Callie returns to the table and says the redhead was eyeing her haircut and not her. (Callie drew a map to Supercuts and gave it to the girl.)
It’s OK, Callie, she wasn’t cute enough for you anyway!
At Seattle Grace, the Chief shows up to yell at Meredith for not taking care of her patient Drew. Apparently, Drew’s mother called the Chief at home and yelled at him for having an incompetent staff. How did she get the Chief’s home number? The Chief explains that since Drew’s mother is a nurse she “used the system” to get his number. I wonder if I can “use the system” to get Sandra Oh’s home number?
Meredith tells the Chief that she has everything under control. She’s just waiting for a CT and the guy doing the CT is backed up. The Chief marches down and yells at the CT guy to hurry up processing the tests. There are supposed to be two CT guys working but one of them ditched work. The Chief calls the CT guy at home and yells at him over the phone. If the CT guy doesn’t get to Seattle Grace in five minutes then he and the other CT guy will be fired.
Then the Chief turns to Meredith and Alex and says, “That’s how you get things done at night.” Oh, snap! When did the Chief become Tyra Banks?
Lexie tells the parents that their oldest son Lucas is in critical condition. Then the mother asks Lexie about their other son Riley. Lexie breaks the news that Riley has passed away. Needless to say, the parents don’t take it well.
The acetone isn’t separating April’s lovestruck patients and she doesn’t know what to try next. Just then, a drunken Bailey waddles into the hospital to take a nap and sober up. Buzz-kill April pounces on Bailey and begs her to tell her how to treat her patients. Bailey says the world needs more love and the kids shouldn’t be separated. Then April asks Bailey if she’s drunk. Umm, duh!
Then a drunken Teddy stumbles into the hospital. Where are the security guards? Why don’t these doctors just take cabs home?
Meredith asks the drunk Teddy if she’s willing to give a consult to her patient. The intoxicated Teddy says that she’s just walking off the drunk until she can get her car keys back and drive home. Teddy tells Meredith that Arizona and Callie are her aspirational couple and she’s devastated by their break up. Join the club!
Then Teddy says she’s also devastated that her star student Cristina is pouring Irish car-bomb shots at Joe’s bar and letting the bachelor party feel her up. Wait, Cristina is letting people feel her up? What’s the address for Joe’s Bar?
At McSteamy’s apartment, Callie lies drunk on the couch and McSteamy unzips and removes her boots.
McSteamy asks Callie if she’s OK and she says she just needs to sleep. Sleep and dream of Arizona …
The CT comes back and Meredith learns that Drew has a bleeding ulcer. Drew needs surgery but Dr. Stark is not answering his pager. Has anyone tried texting him or posting a comment on his Facebook wall? Alex and Meredith decide to prep Drew and if Stark doesn’t show up they will operate without him.
Unsurprisingly, Stark doesn’t show up and Alex begins to cut into the boy. Alex instructs the nurses to also call Bailey for help. Bailey is still drunk in another part of the hospital. When Bailey’s phone rings she passes it off to April. April says that Bailey is “indisposed” then hangs up. Bailey then says she wants to booty call her ex-Ben and tell him that he knows how to “take care of” her “needs.” I feel dirty for even typing that.
April takes Bailey’s phone away and insists that drunk dialing isn’t a good idea. (Ok, ladies I challenge you to see who has the worst drunk texing/dialing story. Leave your story in the below comments.)
Then Bailey says she doesn’t need to take advice from April because she’s a virgin. To make April feel better, Bailey says she’s glad Alex didn’t take her virginity, which she calls her “maiden voyage.”
Bailey: You take your maiden voyage with a nice boy. A kind boy, a boy who loves you. A boy that you love so much that you want to super-glue yourself to him. You wait, you keep your knees together. … Use soap and warm water.
April: On my maiden voyage?
Bailey: On the Super Glue!
April heads off to try the water and Bailey passes out.
A drunken Cristina is still partying at the bar even though Joe fired her three hours earlier. Derek is drinking water at the bar and making sure that Cristina doesn’t go home with anyone. If a few car-bomb shots is all it takes for Cristina to cheat on Owen then they should really consider going to marriage counseling. Or I need to start drinking car-bombs with Cristina.
This episode of Grey’s Anatomy is brought to you by Jameson Irish Whiskey and alcoholism.
Dr. Stark never returned to Seattle Grace so Alex and Meredith finish Drew’s surgery alone. Luckily, it was a success.
A shirtless McSteamy opens the fridge, takes out the Brita filter and sees sexy Callie slinking towards him. McSteamy offers Callie some water and she says she wants him instead. McSteamy doesn’t seem to understand so Callie flat out asks him to have sex with her. McSteamy says, “Really?” And Callie says, “Really.”
McSteamy pausing for a second, thinking about the thousands of upset AfterEllen.com readers and then takes a deep breathe and pounces on Callie.
I’m not bothered by the fact that Callie is sleeping with a man. I’m more bothered that she’s sleeping with her good friend. Hopefully this won’t mess up their friendship, and the lack of sexual chemistry between them in this scene gives me hope.
Cristina is still at Joe’s bar drinking and straddling some random guy. Owen shows up and Cristina says, “Oh my God. It’s my boyfriend!”
Owen replies, “Husband! I’m your husband.” That’s not a good sign.Then Owen throws Cristina over his shoulder like a bath towel and takes her home.
Back at Seattle Grace Bailey wakes up and is hungover. April is right in her face and now believes that she and Bailey are BFFs. Bailey does not feel the same way and tells April, “This never happened!” Wow, I’ve never seen someone dump an employee before.
Back at McSteamy’s apartment, Callie lies in bed and seems sad. Then she looks around for a time machine or at least for an ice pick to give herself a lobotomy. Seriously, what was she thinking?
Alex and Meredith sit in a conference room waiting for Stark to show up and yell at them for performing a surgery without him. And that’s exactly what he does.
It’s now 6 am and Meredith is driving the McResidents home from their long day of work.
Cristina is at her firehouse-home, puking in the bathroom while Owen holds her hair back. Meredith tiptoes into the house and crawls into bed with Derek, who immediately gets up as soon as she lies down. Derek is off to work the day shift, and I’m severely disappointed in this episode. Did any of you find this episode to be boring too?
