“Coronation Street” recap: Four-Seater Table


I’m not sure if my shrieks of "SECRET BABY! SECRET BABY!" have properly conveyed the hijinks happening with Sophie’s dad, but it’s getting more important so here’s the shake-down: Sophie’s dad (Kevin) had an affair with his business partner’s (Tyrone) wife (Molly), which he quit when his own wife (Sally) found out she had cancer. And then, because he’s never seen a TV show before, he was shocked when nine months later Molly gave birth to a baby that belonged to him.

Molly wants Kevin to leave his family and start a whole new family with her, and Kevin is panicked because Sophie and Rosie are frankly f–king awesome. It’s a fact. And you never know how babies are going to turn out. But instead of, like, nurturing his daughters and wife, and enjoying their company, he just keeps stomping around in a rage cloud and hurling thunder and lightning at anyone who dares to ask him why he’s being such a tosser.

Except for today, because today is a funeral for Tyrone’s almost-father, Jack. OK, see, Jack was like a dad to Tyrone and so Tyrone also named his baby "Jack," not knowing that it really isn’t his baby at all. He speaks at the funeral and cries and is desperately sad, and Kevin consoles him, which is even sadder.

But then it’s a whole new day and Kevin is as happy as Christmas. Sophie and Sian tell Sally that they’re off to visit a new church, one that will accept them for who they are. Sally says who they are is "two very nice, well brought up young women." Which is true, and I love that Sally jumps to that first. That’s such a mum thing. But more to the point, Sophie says they’re looking for a church that will accept them as a couple. And don’t you love that? Don’t you love that they didn’t just drop the God thing with Sophie (rightfully) raging against her pastor and dragging Sian out of church?

I think this may be the first gay storyline that has tackled Christianity with the same broad-mindedness that is uses to tackle lesbianism. Like, you can write gays and lesbians as one thing, but the spectrum of sexuality isn’t monochrome. And neither is Christianity. So regardless of where you register on the spirituality scale, it’s refreshing when Sophie counters Sally’s cynicism like so:

Sally: It doesn’t matter what church you go to, does it? It’s still in the same religion, isn’t it?

Sophie: No. Because all churches are different, Mum. And they all interpret the Bible in different ways.

Sian: Yeah, and some of them have caught on to the modern world.

Sally wishes them well in their quest and then, hilariously, says, "Have a good gay! Er, day!"

Later Sally comes home to get ready for a big date with Kevin to find Rosie doing some kind of inverted imaginary cycling on the couch. It is amazing. Rosie is amazing. I much prefer this method of calorie-burning to Jillian Michaels‘ shredding DVDs. Rosie convinces her mum to let her do her makeup, on the condition that Rosie doesn’t make her look like a prostitute. Which, again: Awesome. "I acknowledge that your makeup occassionaly makes you look like the lead clown in a whore circus, and I love you anyway, but please do not do that to my face."

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