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Interview with Kayla Ferrel from “America’s Next Top Model”

It’s that time of the year when a cycle of America’s Next Top Model winds down and we all go back to figuring out what to do with our lives. As for the young women vying for the coveted top spot, well … one of them wins. Some of the others go on to have flourishing modeling careers despite the loss, and some find another calling. Meanwhile, host/executive producer Tyra Banks maintains her youth for another year by feasting on the contestants’ tears and broken dreams like a smizing Elizabeth Bathory.

Cycle 15 brought us not only a more serious tone with its “high fashion” – mindedness, but also Kayla Ferrel, a 19-year-old lesbian ex-Hooters waitress from Rockford, Illinois. During the course of the show, she revealed what can only be described in understated terms as a rough upbringing – poverty, abuse, and being bullied about her sexuality to the point where she had to switch schools – but she treated none of it as a setback, instead resolving to work hard and use her time in the public eye to be a positive representation of the lesbian community.

Many in the online world assumed she’d take the Cycle 15 crown and win the coveted modeling contract and spread in Italian Vogue; after all, she constantly improved from week to week, rarely received much criticism, and never heard the words every top model contestant surely dreads: “You have no personality.” Alas, though she made it overseas to Italy and earned a spot in the final four (making her the highest-ranking out lesbian in America’s Next Top Model history), she was eliminated last week.

I fully admit, this show is like crack for me. I’d been rooting for Kayla all season and when she got the boot, I shook my fist at the universe. I spoke to her for AfterEllen.com in the midst of her dizzying flurry of post-elimination interviews and when I discovered that she’s funny, savvy, honest, socially-conscious, and even more awesome than she appeared to be on the show, I stated rooting for her all over again. Then I remembered that she got eliminated and I shook two angry fists at the universe.

AfterEllen.com: Kayla, what is up with you getting eliminated? I’m so mad – I thought you were going to win this thing.

Kayla Ferrel: I know. It’s funny because, you know, the show’s been taped for a while now and we could go back to our real lives and get Facebooks and I can see media, I can see what everybody’s saying and I can see that everybody’s thinking that I’m gonna win. I’m thinking to myself, “Aw crap, I’m about to let them all down.” You know what I mean?

AE: Right, you can’t tell anybody.

KF: And yeah, a lot of people are really, really shocked. I’ve done a bunch of interviews today and you’re one of many who said the exact same thing, so that makes me feel good. At least people think that, you know, I should’ve won.

AE: Well, you seemed like you were getting the “winner’s edit.” It also seemed that when you got eliminated, you got blindsided with criticisms that no one had heard before right at the last minute.

KF: Yeah. Yeah! That’s actually what my mom was talking about. My mom and I watched the last episode together – my mom’s watched it from start to finish – and I got judged on needing to learn the angles of my face, or something like that? And my mom was like, “Kayla, have they told you that before? Because I don’t know if it’s just me, but I don’t remember them saying that… ” and I’m like, yeah, I don’t remember them saying that, either.

AE: At one point in the elimination, Tyra said you needed to get some confidence, and it seemed that you were the one person besides maybe Chelsey [Hersley, Top 2 finalist] who always had confidence in yourself. Maybe they were supposed to say that to Ann [Ward, Top 2 finalist], who always looks ready to crumble.

KF: Yeah, maybe I woke up one morning and I looked miraculously 6’2″ in Tyra’s eyes, and that’s what she saw in front of her when she said that. [laughs] I had a tall day that day.

AE: Ann seems like a sweetheart, but I think the modeling industry is going to eat her alive.

KF: Oh, totally. Totally. When I do interviews, a lot of people say “Who do you think deserves to win?” and I think a lot of people think I’m going to say Ann because she won best photo five weeks in a row or whatever. But outside of the real comfort zone of America’s Next Top Model, there’s a real, hard world of modeling and they eat people like that alive. People that don’t have that confidence.

AE: Do you think you were fairly portrayed on the show? Watching it, do you think, “Yeah, that’s who I am”?

KF: Well, of course there’s a lot of editing that’s involved – I’m sure you know all that. I feel like the character they wanted to see on TV that they wanted me to portray was a role model. They talked to me before about how Kim [Stolz, Cycle 5] was on the show and she was a lesbian, but she never really raised any awareness about it. She never made it out to be any kind of a deal. I know a role model is what they wanted, and that’s what they portrayed me as. That’s fine. I’m fine with people looking up to me, but there’s a whole other bubbly, funny side that people didn’t get to see, so I’m hoping there’s a bloopers episode or something where you can see it.

I was the girl who … if nobody was talking and the mood was horrible and everybody was nervous, I would say something random and everybody would start laughing. When it was down to the Top 4 all the humor was gone, so I was the only hope.

AE: There were hints of that in the last episode with you and Jane (Randall). You guys became friends, right?

KF: Yeah, I’m close with Jane. I talk to her almost every day. Me and Chelsey were really close, too, which is cool. Ann, I tried to talk to a few times, but I never really … me and Ann are so different, I never really connected with her on the level I did with Jane or Chelsey. Well, me and Jane are really different, too. Every time I speak she corrects my grammar, but you know, whatever. [laughs]

AE: I don’t know if you’re aware, but many in the lesbian fandom are into the idea of you and Jane as a couple. You’ve even got one of those couple nicknames – “Jayla.”

KF: Yeah, it’s called “Jayla.” I’ve heard it. I think it’s funny. You know what’s really funny? They never showed this – and I know it won’t because it wasn’t shot on camera – Jane had come up to me once at the beginning when everyone found out I was a lesbian and was like, “Kayla, I just want you to know something. If I was a lesbian, I would date you first.” I just started laughing because she sincerely meant it, like she was trying to say something to let me know she was okay with me being gay and it was just the funniest thing she could have ever said.

AE: That’s a straight girl’s favorite thing to say to her gay friend. “If I were gay, I’d totally kiss you, I swear!”

KF: [laughs] Exactly.

AE: You were the only gay in the house, but it seemed like everybody was cool with you.

KF: Oh yeah. And there were others that, you know, secretly liked me or secretly said things to me that also might not ever get shown. Umm …

AE: I have to say, talking about you being a role model and all that, it’s good because there are so few lesbians on television at all …

KF: Yeah, who do we have? Ellen [DeGeneres]? She’s great, but …

AE: There are the violent psychopaths on The Bad Girls Club who, you know, punch each other in the face and get drunk and don’t wear pants or whatever. It’s nice that you were there, on TV, saying yeah, I’m gay and I’m a normal person and this is me.

KF: I’ve caught a couple of episodes of The Bad Girls Club and yeah, they don’t represent us well.

AE: I watch it and I’m not sure how I’m the same species as them sometimes. If I was on that show, I would just sit in a corner and cry while they threw stuff at me.

KF: [laughs] “You’re weak!”

AE: Yeah, and I’m cowering, like, “I’m just trying to read a book, why are you hitting me?” But anyway, visibility is super important, especially positive visibility. I think it’s terrific that all season long you were very open. Even at the end, you talked about going back to your girlfriend. Then there was the photo session about “bullying,” where you had a word written on you that had been used in the past to make you feel bad about yourself, and a “power” word to use to counteract that. [Kayla’s words were “queer” and “free.”]

KF: Like I said, there are a lot of things that are behind the scenes and honestly, the word I had chosen was not “queer.” It was a more offensive word, you know what I mean? They felt like it was too strong for TV and they wanted to edit it and give me one that would be better for television. Apparently “queer” is okay to say. I just felt like, you know, it isn’t fair. We need to raise awareness about gays, bisexuals, transgendered, lesbians … about how we’re all really treated. We deserve the same rights, we deserve to be treated as people, not as if we’re just our sexuality. So the fact that I was taking this step to come out and do this and say all this, and then I felt like I was being put back a little bit because of it was frustrating to me.

AE: Was it “dyke”? Was that the word?

KF: Yeah. And that was offensive for TV.

AE: Oh, so they don’t want people to really know how offensive it is, and what the realities of homophobic bullying are. They wanted mild offensiveness, so they wanted “queer.”

KF: Yeah, exactly, because that’s not too offensive.

AE: They didn’t want to offend straight America.

KF: Exactly, that’s what it felt like.

AE: You talked a lot about what a hard time you had in school when people found out you were gay. What was your coming out like? What about your friends and family?

KF: Gay people probably say this all the time, that there’s never any “right” time to come out. I had my first serious girlfriend when I was a freshman in high school. I would go out and hang out with my girlfriend outside of school and I’d be gay, but then when I went back to school, you know, I was straight with all my friends because I’d known them since middle school or elementary school and I was afraid of how they’d react to me. It started getting out there – you know, you can’t hide for too long without people who know you finding out. They started making little comments like “Oh, there goes that gay girl over there” or “There goes that dyke over there” and things like that, and it just got to the point where every friend that I’d had, I no longer had.

I felt really alone at school, so I ended up transferring schools. People started to want to fight me because they felt like I was lying about who I was, which I felt was none of their business. So for my senior year I went to a new school and was completely out. My family knew … well, my mom knew. Everybody knew. To me, my mom is my family, so …

AE: Was she cool with everything? How did that go?

KF: Oh no, she kicked me out. She got comfortable with it over time, but it took her some time. My mom’s religious and she had a hard time accepting and a hard time understanding it. But she’s come around, you know, she’s watched me be gay on TV every single day, and at the end of every episode she still says, “Oh Kayla, I’m so proud of you.” Whereas two years ago she would’ve hidden under a rock.

AE: Has she met your girlfriend? Have you gotten to that point?

KF: Umm, we’re not that close but we’re getting there. We’re talking about it for Thanksgiving so we’ll see how that goes.

AE: That’s really cool that she’s coming around. You’d hope that everyone’s parents would – that even if at first they think their kid being gay is the end of the world, they soon forget all that and realize it’s wrong and love their child regardless.

KF: I read something that came out when I was filming Top Model, about how most teens who commit suicide … it’s because they’re gay and they’re simply not accepted. That’s why … well, originally … what you didn’t see is that my initial word was “Big Bird.” My uncles and people like that used to call me Big Bird because they said I had a big nose and I needed to grow into my nose. That was my word I used, how I was made fun of. Then I started thinking to myself, there’s a way bigger picture that I need to be … I realized at that point what my whole reason for being on the show was, and that was to be an advocate for my community.

I’m really passionate about my community and I said it a million times to the girls on the show – they probably got so sick of my spiel about how my dream would be to be Top Model and to also be able to speak at Prides and other places, to speak to kids and gay-straight alliances in high schools. That would make me feel like the most successful person on Earth, to be able to do things like that. That’s why I chose that word.

AE: You should make a video for the “It Gets Better” campaign.

KF: Yeah. I was thinking about that, honestly. My friend said that she would tape it for me and that’s cool because I’m afraid of technology, which sounds crazy, but … I just got a touch screen cell phone so I’m learning how to call people. I’m getting better.

AE: See, it does get better! Speaking of technology, we’re Facebook friends and your page is crazy. Every day it’s like, “Kayla Ferrel is friends with the entire western hemisphere and 32 other people.” It must be a strange feeling.

KF: [laughs] Yeah, I mean, Facebook … now I have so many fake accounts from people trying to be me, and I’ve had people hack my account. I have fan pages now and it’s just crazy. One of my friends who was trying to find me was actually friends with a person who was pretending to be me, and then she came across my page and she was like, hey, who is this? I said ” Wow, I haven’t seen you since elementary school, I miss you so much!” and she was like, “I was talking to you a week ago!” Uh, no you weren’t.

I don’t spend much time on Facebook because I get so many messages I can’t respond to them all. Just today I had over 109.

AE: You know, a lot of people look down on reality TV, but let’s face it – even though you didn’t win, it’s really changed your life, probably for the better.

KF: Oh yeah, it did. It’s weird. Before I was, you know, nobody and now let me go into Boystown in Chicago and it’s like cake for a fat kid is walking through. It’s awesome. I just talked to Jane today and she said “Oh my God, Kayla, I went to the premiere of the Harry Potter movie and they were harassing me for autographs.” She sent me a smiley face and said AWESOME. She’d never had that happen before. Who would know that Harry Potter fans are also Top Model fans?

AE: I have to admit, Top Model wouldn’t usually be my kind of thing but I have a weakness for it. I don’t know why.

KF: It’s weird, a lot of people don’t like to admit it, but it’s their guilty little pleasure. It really is.

AE: So are you still presenting at the Grammys? That was a real prize that you won?

KF: Yup, I’m doing the Grammys on February 13, 2011.

AE: I’d be nervous already.

KF: I’m not nervous yet. I’m just excited because it’s still so far away, but talk to me in February and then maybe I’ll be pissing myself a little bit.

AE: At the elimination, the judges suggested that you get into acting. Do you think that’s something you’re going to pursue?

KF: It’s crazy – I keep getting asked that question! Before the show, no one’s ever said anything about acting to me, but then on the show I kept being told, “You would be a great actress … ” I have a lot of personality that they don’t show – I was really goofy and I did a lot of things that producers saw and they didn’t necessarily show on TV. Then in my motion editorial, Tyra said “You were just so good!” I never heard one negative comment the entire time I was doing it. She told me herself it was crazy how I could just change from emotion to emotion so easily without a problem. Nigel [Barker] told me the same thing. I really started thinking about it, and I think it’s for me eventually in my future, but right now … I mean, geez, I just got into modeling. I gotta get into that before I try to do other things. One thing at a time, people! [laughs]

AE: Yeah, “One fabulous career at a time please, thank you.” So what’s next in terms of modeling? I know you’ve answered that question 30,000 times today, but what’s your next step?

KF: Well, I couldn’t really do anything until my episode aired. It just got over with and I’ve made a few phone calls and I’ve had one person who contacted me. I have a few meetings set up with agencies in Tokyo, which is really exciting for me because my mother is moving out there, so it’d be really nice to be with her. And models in Tokyo, that’s a big deal. They make a lot of money and it’s an awesome experience. I’d be able to go all over the world. The fact that somebody tried to call and find me – I guess they saw a YouTube video of me and my photos and they were just so blown away that they’d been trying to get a hold of me for a while. Obviously I can’t do anything for a little while, but it was such an honor. I’m going out to Tokyo December 8 to meet with these agencies, so hopefully I’ll book one.

AE: Congratulations! So what does your girlfriend think about all this? Was she cool with you being on the show and all? What does she think about Tokyo?

KF: Going on the show, my girlfriend was … she was really supportive, but at the same time she was like, “You better not do anything, Kayla. You better be good.” Because you know, it’s just so hard for me! No, I’m just playing. She was excited. She was happy. She missed me a lot, though. We wrote each other letters and I swear, every time I read one of her letters I would cry no matter how stupid it was. Half the time I couldn’t even understand what she was saying and I’d be, like, “Chelsey, can you read this? I don’t understand.”

AE: Was she writing in another language?

KF: [laughs] She’d be writing them when she was at work and she’d have to hurry up. I missed her a lot and I know she missed me a lot, because when I got home she was overly ecstatic and so was I. You know, we haven’t really fully talked about Tokyo. I don’t think she’d want me to move out there, but … she’d only want me to go if she could go, too.

AE: If this is where it takes you, though, you gotta give it a shot.

KF: If this is where it takes me, I’m totally going. If I have to fold her up and pack her in my suitcase, then that’s what has to be done. She’s small, she’ll fit.

AE: You said at one point that you’ve always wanted to be a model, but you didn’t get into it until high school.What is it about modeling that makes you want to do it? Because to me, it seems so brutal.

KF: It is. I think when you’re young and you have dreams, you only see the glamour in it, and you only see the “Oooh, they’re wearing cool shoes that I could never afford and they’re wearing cool clothes and they look so beautiful.” When I was a child and I was young, I always wanted to do it for the glitz and the glam aspect. But then as I got older and I started to get tall and my body decided not to put any pounds on itself, then I started getting told by others, “You should consider modeling, you’d be really good at it.” I got discovered to do a little hair show and then he told me which agencies to go to, and then I started going and knocking on doors. I’d always hear positive things, but then I’d never get another call back. So I felt like Top Model was my way to really break in and learn about the entire industry and what it’s all about, which … I definitely did.

AE: Did you really work at Hooters? Can I ask you that?

KF: You know, people always ask me that. They’re like, “You work at Hooters? Where are your boobs?”

AE: I did not mean to question your boobs.

KF: [laughs] Yeah, apparently I have an attractive face, or attractive enough to work there, so …

AE: I ask because …

KF: … because it’s a male-based kind of place?

AE: Exactly. What was that like, as a lesbian …

KF: It’s funny, though, because everybody that knows me at my job … I don’t really kiss ass like the other girls do at my job. I sit at the table – ’cause you’re supposed to sit at the table and interact with your guests, that’s part of what you’re supposed to do – but I sit and I talk about sports. I know all about the games and you know, I act like I’m one of the guys, which obviously I’m not. I mean, I’m so beautiful.

AE: [laughs] Wow, and humble!

KF: [laughs] I’m just kidding. But they just love me because they think I’m so real. The other girls always lead them on to think that they have a chance, and I don’t. They know who I am and they know I’m real and I have regulars that come in because they don’t want to have somebody sit there and kiss their ass the whole time. I have a good time there.

AE: There was a bit of a debate in the comments on our site when this all came out, about how you couldn’t really be a lesbian if you worked at Hooters because working at Hooters means you don’t respect women.

KF: [laughs] That’s funny.

AE: I think you can work there and still like girls …

KF: Exactly! I’m working with a whole bunch of girls in short shorts and tank tops. Like, what do you mean? What lesbian wouldn’t work at Hooters?

AE: Well, you know, the show is really big on our site and everyone really loves you and thinks you’re terrific. Except maybe that one person who thinks you shouldn’t work at Hooters.

KF: Wait, what’s the site?

AE: AfterEllen.com. It’s only the largest lesbian website on the internet. Geez, Kayla.

KF: Shut your mouth right now. I’m super excited! I’m gonna post about it on my Facebook.

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