TV

An interview with Amber Benson

Amber Benson has been on AfterEllen.com’s Hot 100 every year – and she probably always will be. She is a favorite amongst the ladies and for good reason. The actress is best known for her role as Tara (Willow’s girlfriend) on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but is actually multi-talented and has since branched out from acting into writing, producing and directing.

AfterEllen.com caught up with Benson to talk about playing gay for pay when it was still taboo, why she had to fight to kiss Alyson Hannigan on screen and why she rarely turns down acting jobs.

AfterEllen.com: How much did you know about the character, Tara before you auditioned for the part on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

Amber Benson: Nothing. I knew absolutely nothing. Tara was just supposed to be a friend to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow, and it was only going to be, like, two episodes. And then it sort of spiraled into this whole other thing.

Everyone else seemed to know it was going to become a lesbian relationship but I didn’t. I was totally oblivious and so was Alyson. It wasn’t until everyone on the crew was like, “You guys have a lot of chemistry” that we were like, “What do you mean ‘a lot of chemistry’?”

And then Joss [Whedon] took us aside and said, “By the way, you guys are going to be lady friends now,” and we were like “OK,” but it was not expected. We were not told anything in any way shape or form beforehand, so it kind of came out of left field a little bit.

AE: So you’d been acting a lot before then? What was your biggest role up until this point?

AB: I think my favorite movie I did was a film called King of the Hill that Steven Soderbergh directed. I did it when I was 15 and it was the greatest experience ever. The director would take his per diem money and have softball games for the whole cast and crew on the weekends and he would have beer and food and all kinds of fun stuff and people would just come and hang out. And I thought, “Oh this is what every set is like. Everybody’s like a big family and there’s no yelling and nobody has an attitude.” It was just this really great experience.

Little did I know that I was really blessed in my first experience. I guess it’s sort of like when you have sex for the first time and it’s a positive experience and then later on you find out that it can be kinda skeezy.

AE: There were a lot of big names on that film, Adrian Brody and Katherine Heigl; do you stay in touch with them?

AB: Actors are a busy-breed and I’m not a scenester, so not really.

AE: So your first acting experience was like a positive sexual experience?

AB: You could say that – and then it all went down hill from there. I auditioned for this film and I just got it randomly. I remember I had this dress that I’d bought that I just loved. Of course, looking back, it was a hideous dress. It looked like a smock. It was like blue and black and sort of purple. It was a total hippie dress and I was so proud of it and I wore it and I think they cast me because I looked frumpy and weird. The character was really odd and had a seizure. It was all really intense. But I really liked that dress and that was the first big thing that I booked. And all the director and I talked about was taking trains instead of airplanes. I was a weird kid.

AE: When you got the role on Buffy and they decided that you were going to have a lesbian relationship, how did your parents react?

AB: Well, my parents are very liberal – more power to ya, you know? My grandparents back in Alabama did not know because they were very religious. So, just the fact that I was on some show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer was way more information then they needed.

AE: They never knew? They still don’t know?

AB: No, no – I played a lesbian on the show and they had no clue. You know, you can’t change people. They are what they are, especially older, very religious people. They are great people – salt of the earth, would give you the shirt off their back, but to them it’s a big deal.

We just kept that to ourselves. You know, “Amber plays a witch on TV? Oh no, it’s the end of the world.” Add lesbian witch to that scenario and it would’ve probably given them a heart attack.We were done at “witch.”

AE: There was an interview with you back in 2007 on AfterEllen.com in which you said Tara opened some doors for you and closed other doors. What exactly did you mean by that? What were those doors? Do you still feel like there are certain doors closed to you?

AB: I think it’s better now. That was the beginning of having lesbian relationships on television. Before us, Ellen had a kiss on The Ellen Show, which my hometown of Birmingham, Alabama did not air. They were one of the only places that did not air it, but it was long after I’d moved away.

AE: How did you feel about that?

AB: Well, you know, it’s the South. It’s just a different mindset. And that’s part of why I live in California now. I want to live in a place where it’s OK to be who you are.

I can’t imagine being a gay person and living in the South right now or the Midwest, even. It’s really tough, you know.

AE: Did you know, when you were doing it that you were doing something important?

AB: Yes, absolutely. I felt like we were presenting this relationship on TV and we were saying it’s OK to be gay. We were saying that this was a viable relationship, that these people love each other and it doesn’t matter that they happen to be two women. They get along, they are respectful of each other – heck, they basically raised Buffy’s sister, Dawn, on the show. So I felt like we were sort of breaking through the glass ceiling.

There was a big kerfuffle – they didn’t want us kissing on the show, and Alyson and I were both like, “Hey, this is bulls–t. We should be able to kiss.” And it only after one of the crew members, who was gay, took us aside and said, ‘Hey, just the fact that the characters are having this positive relationship and they’re being portrayed as normal human beings – who just happen to be two women in love – that what’s important, not the physical stuff.” So, it was really just about saying hey we are two people and we are in this relationship and we are functioning like normal people. Just having a normal relationship, I think, that’s the biggest thing that we did.

AE: But you did kiss eventually?

AB: Yes, we did.

AE: So how long were Tara and Willow dating before they actually kissed?

AB: Well I’m sure off-screen they’d been kissing a lot, but on screen it was a while.

AE: So how did it finally happen?

AB: It happened on an episode called “The Body.” The kiss was important to the story and we filmed something that was pretty intense. We figured it would be toned down in the edit, but they were kind to it and kept it pretty much intact.

It was funny, though, because the straight characters were having these hardcore sex scenes and we were like ‘That’s not fair! They’re naked and wearing socks to cover their private parts and we can barely even hold hands. That’s not fair.”

AE: Do you and Alyson Hannigan still stay in touch?

AB: I haven’t seen her in quite a while but I definitely keep up with what’s going on with her on Twitter. She just had a kid and she’s working on her show, so I think she’s a pretty busy lady. I find that when your friends have kids, unless they live right next door to you, you don’t socialize with them as much.

AE: Have you ever felt like the Buffy character will follow you forever?

AB: Yeah! I think anytime you do something that is sort of iconic it will always be a part of you. I know that Alyson and I both felt really honored that we got to walk in their shoes and present these characters to the world. And, yeah, I think it will always be a part of my life. It would be weird if it weren’t.

AE: Did you know how intense the reaction was going to be?

AB: No, I worked in a bubble so I didn’t fully understand what an impact we were making until I went out in the world and realized that people were really moved by what we were doing. And not in just an “I like the TV show” kind of way, but in a ‘Hey you’re doing something really important” way. They’d say, “I live in Middle America and I see this on TV and you’re telling me it’s OK to be gay. That there’s nothing wrong with me, I’m not a bad person, I’m not dirty I’m just a normal person.”

AE: Do you stay active in the community?

AB: Yes, as much as a straight person can carry the flag. I just want people to know that it’s OK to be what you are. You are just frickin lucky if you find somebody that you click with. You know – just to find somebody that cares about you is huge. And if it happens to be somebody of the same sex, well, who gives a damn?

AE: How do you feel about the length of time that it’s taking for this message to reach people?

AB: Well, you know there isn’t equality yet. It’s close, but it’s not quite there. When you live in a world where the government says it’s not OK for two people of the same sex to get married, that’s just not fair. I think it’s a hell of a lot better than it used to be, though. There’s The L Word and all these other shows that kinda said, “Here’s a lifestyle choice and we are putting it out there and we’re not sugar coating it.”

AE: Did you watch The L Word? And who was your favorite character?

AB: I did, and I really liked Mia Kirshner‘s character. I’m blanking on the character’s name right now, but she was this sort of innocent straight girl who was introduced to this whole new lesbian world.

AE: Jenny, the writer!

AB: Yes, you see it through her eyes – this whole other world exists that she didn’t even really know about. That was kind of the perspective that I had going into Buffy. There was this whole other world that I wasn’t really a part of, but that I thought was full of totally interesting and cool people.

AE: And like Jenny, you are also a writer. So let’s talk about your books. How did you start writing? Did you just decide that you were going to write a novel?

AB: I’d written a couple of comic books with an author named Christopher Golden, who I think of as my mentor, and that led to doing an animated show for the BBC together. The show did really well and we were approached by Random House to novelize the universe we’d created for the show, and that’s kind of how I fell in love with writing prose.

AE: There are a lot of pop culture references and it really feels like I am talking to you when I’m reading it.

AB: Well, good, that’s what I was going for. It’s kind of stream of consciousness and should make you laugh. It’s not brain surgery, you know? It’s supposed to be silly and irreverent.

AE: Did you have the main character of Death’s Daughter, Calliope, in mind? How did you come up with her? Was there influence from characters that you have played?

AB: Even before I worked on Buffy, I’d been a fantasy and science fiction fan, so I definitely gravitated to that world. Plus, I knew it was something I already had purchase in because I’d worked in that genre with Chris.

I had the idea for the first Calliope Reaper-Jones book, Death’s Daughter, and I just started writing it. I wanted to create a world where all religions coexisted as one. Personally, I just don’t understand how one religion can be right, if it makes all the other religions wrong. So, I wrote a book where they could all exist together.

AE: Well your dad is Jewish and your mom is Christian, right?

AB: Yes, my dad is Jewish and my mom was born Southern Baptist and then my grandparents became Born Again. All that stuff is very intriguing to me. When your Grandmother comes to visit and teaches you Psalms and talks about the Blood of Lamb while she’s doing carpool duty and driving all the Jewish kids to Temple Sunday School – well, it’s a bit confusing. My mom’s friend once said to her, “I always know when your parents are in town because your kids get into my car talking about Jesus.”

For me, there have to be aspects of each religion that have merit. The mythologist Joseph Campbell says there are more similarities between the world different mythologies then there are differences. I wanted to create a world based on that precept and the fact that human beings had a hand in creating myth and religion, well, that kind of plays into the book, too.

AE: And last night you finished the third book. Did you know how it was going to end?

AB: I knew how I wanted it to end, but I wasn’t sure it was gonna go that way. Sometimes things change because the characters don’t want to do what I want them to do. Originally the series was plotted as a trilogy, but it looks like I may do a fourth book, so I had to go back in and change a couple of things, make the ending a bit less tidy, not tie up every loose end – which is what I’d originally done, and is which is why the book is a little late getting to my editor. I had to go back in and untie things. I wanted to leave a few plot threads hanging.

AE: You are directing now, have you thought about turning these into movies?

AB: Yeah, the book is out with producers right now and I would be down for someone doing something with it.

AE: And television appeals to you more then film?

AB: I would love to do both. I’d made a couple of little indie films before I did Drones, the film that I just co-directed with Adam Busch (Warren on Buffy and Amber’s long-term partner), but those were more like learning experiences. Drones is like a real deal movie and I’m really proud of it. We have an amazing cast. The folk singer Dan Bern wrote four original songs for us.

AE: How do you feel about the celebrities who are still in the closet?

AB: It’s rough. I understand why they don’t come out. We still live in a society where being gay does not make you equal. So, you want to work and you don’t want to be pigeonholed or marginalized, so you just stay quiet. I think it’s a Catch-22 because it sets the example that it’s not OK to be who you are, but on the other hand, being honest can limit your ability to get a job.

AE: True I mean we are just now at the point where it is okay to play gay.

AB: Exactly – people have a hard time with it. Like how can someone play straight if they’re gay? Well, I’m an actor I can be whatever you want me to be. I mean, I could play a dog if you want. The whole thing is just so asinine.

AE: How are you making the experiences of being an actor, director and novelist work together?

AB: Basically, I’m just trying to pay my bills. These days you have to sort of cobble together a career. You can’t just say, “I’m going to be and actor” and then make a living at it. I mean, you’re making like a $100 dollars a day on these indie films, and that’s if you’re lucky and get paid at all.

You can’t survive just doing one thing. You have to diversify. And everyone I know is in the same boat that I’m in. We’re all barely eeking out an existence. I guess I could get a normal job with benefits, but I choose to sit in front of my computer and write instead.

AE: Do you think that you will always be acting, are there characters that you imagine yourself playing or are you moving more towards directing and other things?

AB: I guess I’m moving away from the acting. I’m still down to do whatever but it seems to be something that’s happening to me. It’s not really a choice. It’s so hard to get a job these days. People always ask me why I did this bad movie or that bad movie, but to me it’s just a job that pays the bills.

The only thing that I turned down – well, actually, I didn’t turn it down, I just didn’t go to the audition, was a Charles Manson biopic. I felt like there were still people whose lives are being affected by those murders and I just didn’t want to be a part of all that. I’m not judging anyone. It just wasn’t the right thing for me. To each their own. I just wasn’t feelin’ it. But if anyone has a job they want to throw my way, I’m down. I love to work!

AE: Did you ever run into fans that expressed their disappointment to you when learning that you were not in fact really gay?

AB: Boy, I’d never want for company if I liked the ladies. I always have pretty girls bemoaning the fact I’m not gay.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button