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Miss America, not Miss USA: Trump doesn’t run this show

Remember the days when everyone was glued to their TVs for the Miss America pageant? Well, those days are long gone, which is why we have to be lured into caring.

You can follow the 50 contestants through makeup lessons, catwalk coaching and even a line-dancing competition in Pageant School: Becoming Miss America, a two-hour special airing this Friday at 9 on CMT (and on VH1 and MTV all weekend). According to the L.A. Times, by show’s end the most improved contestant will be crowned pageant school queen and win a $23,000 diamond necklace.

Study up on the contestants in advance on the show’s web site, where you can learn, for instance, that Miss Kansas’ favorite book is Ecclesiastes, and that Miss Pennsylvania went to a high school called Beaver Area.

Given the 10-percent rule, chances are that five of the ladies are queer. What do you suppose the chances are that any of them are out?

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