RachelWatch: Scoring Political Points in Someone Else’s Underpants


Today: Rachel looks at bungled Republican attempts to politicize terror attacks and some unsettling signs of spinal growth among Congressional Democrats.

Breaking News

Rachel started us off with an update on the ill-fated Christmas Day terror attempt by the Homemade Huggies Bomber. (While I don’t wish to take terrorism lightly, I do think it’s a vital duty to make a great deal of childish fun of the terrorist with ‘plosives in his panties. Some of these guys might think twice if they knew there was a risk of being remembered as the laughingstock with a dud in his tighty-whities.)

MSNBC analyst Richard Wolffe phoned in to chat with Rachel about the White House investigation on how the hell someone extremist and/or dumb enough to strap explosives to his nethers could get on the plane in the first place.

Though Wolffe stressed that the investigation is in a very early stage, there is a frustrating indication that our intelligence agencies aren’t sharing information well. Rachel promised updates as the investigation continues.

This Is Your Strong Suit?

Rachel noted that the Republican attempts to jump right in and score some points — not to mention some sweet campaign dollahs — off of the Christmas Day mass murder attempt has perhaps become a little off-putting to, you know, everyone.

I am amazed at how long they’ve been able to ride out an intellectually unsustainable “best defenders against terror” position when it relies almost entirely on bluster. Essentially, many Republicans are swaggering around in the high school parking lot, hoping that if they smoke and wear cool enough jackets you’ll forget how badly they got beaten up freshman year.

Very Tall Things

Rachel reported that Dubai has opened the tallest building in the world, because there is no better way to combat a crisis of real estate debt than to maximize your vacant rooms.

She pointed out that the previous tallest man-made structure was a television transmission tower in North Dakota and did her best to get a spirited tall-thing rivalry going.

Dr. Maddow, I am ashamed of you. What’s important is how you use the man-made structure.

Block Like Me

The holidays are over! Time for more health care reform!

No, wait! Come back! Turns out things might actually happen!

After months of the Republicans alternately announcing they were going to be total obstructionist pains in the butt and actually being obstructionist pains in the butt while putting in the bare minimum of pretense that they weren’t, the Democrats have finally figured out that, when it comes to health care reform, the Republicans really aren’t going to help at all, and in fact are going to continue to be obstructionist pains in the butt.

You could have knocked me over with a feather when Rachel announced that the Democrats have decided to stop trying to compromise with people who aren’t operating in good faith and just reconcile the damn bills themselves.

I’m proud of you, Congressional Democrats. Ignore the inevitable whining and blusterbomb press conferences and just enjoy the simple pleasure of working to get something done.

Don’t panic and suddenly write in a clause that we all have to buy special earlobe insurance and get an extra leg sewn on, OK guys?

Ms. Information

Rachel reported that somehow Yemen snuck up on the outside and suddenly it’s the scariest place in the galaxy. Our embassy there has shut down and several others have either shut down or restricted access, perhaps not coincidentally at around the same time that several truckloads of explosives and weapons have gone missing. Yikes.

Rachel also brought us the awkward case of the Iranian national soccer team, which somehow forgot to exclude Israel from its New Year’s greeting of goodwill and peace.

Israel issued a slyly humorous response, but an official on the soccer team has resigned. Over forgetting to snub Israel for New Year’s.

Doesn’t that make you feel better about whoever locked him or herself in the bathroom at your New Year’s Eve party?

And finally, Rachel delved in to the case of Bristol Palin’s new limited liability corporation. She seemed to find it anticlimactic that the younger Palin was only incorporating to do public relations and be an “ambassador” for an abstinence foundation rather than lobbying or running her mother’s Presidential run.

I think Rachel has missed the full chilling implications of this situation. Bristol Palin is only 19. Even if she takes retirement right when she turns 65, that is still more than 45 years before we can reasonably expect to have a world without a Palin in the public eye. At best.

We’re going to have to be strong.

GOP in Exile

Just before Christmas, Alabama Congressman Parker Griffith switched from Democrat to Republican. Then just after Christmas, his staff cooked up a special treat.

Oh, I’ll let Rachel tell it.

Cocktail Moment

Rachel’s Cocktail Moment was fun for the whole Family!

Enjoy Senator John Ensign (R – Nevada) bobbing and weaseling about his ethics violations and Rachel’s announcement that — Whoa! — she’ll be interviewing actual family member Bob Hunter tonight.

Get your DVRs and your bingo cards ready.

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