“America’s Next Top Model” mini-cap: Cruisin’ for a bruisin’


Well hello fans of America’s Next Top Model! Sorry for the late mini-cap, but I’ve been ill for the last week and the last thing I needed was a dose of Tyra mixed with my Robitussin. Could you imagine the dreams I would’ve had? Hells to the naw. Now that I’m feeling a bit better, I was finally able to catch up on the model drama.

We start with the models taken on a trip to the very glamorous aisles of Walmart to take part in the Cover Girl makeup challenge, judged by Nigel Barker and his Cover Girl model wife, Cristen Barker. The girls had to beat each other in a running race from makeup station to wardrobe station in order to make it to the next pick up.

It ended up being a knock-down drag-out fight between Erin and some of the other girls. She stopped at nothing to win, including hiding Ashley’s photo, pulling Sundai’s arm back and using the age-old defense of “I’m not here to make friends.” In the end though, there could only be one winner, and it was Sundai!

It’s a good thing I haven’t been able to drink for the last week because my favorite ANTM drinking game wouldn’t be fun to play anymore. Unlike every other cycle, these girls seem to have gotten tired of screaming whenever Tyra Mail comes.

They’re off to their next challenge and Erin starts crying in the limo as Ashley and Sundai show off the bruises she gave them. Boo hoo, don’t forget you’re not there to make friends sweetie!

When the girls enter the room, Sundai tells us, “There’s this big wrapped up thing,” and of course, after it’s been unwrapped it ends up being Tyra! Ms. Banks tells us, “In the fashion industry, beauty means closeup on the face.” This is great news for me because I think I can give good face, but the body needs a lot of photoshop. There’s room for me to model afterall, my mom will be so proud.

It’s normally a bit early on in the cycle for Tyra to be taking the pictures, but that doesn’t stop her! The shoot involved wrapping a scarf around your head and taking a close-up shot. Whoever won the challenge got immunity from the upcoming elimination — which has never happened in Top Model history. She’s really breaking boundaries this season. Way to go.

They covered up Brittany’s face altogether, which I’m not sure if I’d like as a beauty model.

Laura really brought her smize out and models H to T. (Head to Toe for the laywomen). What bothers Tyra is that her lower lip seems really heavy. Luckily, once the fans started blowing on her, she was able to shine.

Sundai started off stiff but Tyra knew how to get rid of her “boredom lips.”

Jennifer not only looked like she was getting horny — she asked Tyra if she could start screaming. You go girl.

Britanny was working it and feeling it from the inside. I’m a bit worried about her. You can literally see every bone in her body. I’m fairly certain I could see the outline of a corn kernel she ate last week.

Bianca thought about Jesus to bring her softness out at the shoot and Tyra really likes the way she can make her body move. Still, Tyra wonders, “Is Bianca the verb (model) but not the noun?”

Kara has Tyra’s favorite face, which I really don’t like, but she does nothing with it while she’s modeling.

Erin knows how to model but doesn’t know how to have a personality.

Nicole is a model who has some talent but too often her hands look like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings.

At first it seemed as though Ashley didn’t have the right headscarf for Tyra to shoot — but it ended up being that Ashley just didn’t bring her A game.

The winner of the challenge ended up being Brittany. Unfortunately the winner wasn’t forced to go to Old Country Buffet. Instead, she got to do a photoshoot for for TyraBanks.com with two male models that Ty Ty discovered. A lot of the girls were pissy about her winning and Erin needs to get over herself.

At elimination, Supermodel China Chow who is 5’3″ was the guest judge. She not only has a name where you must say both first and last together at all times, she also gave Nicole her second Gollum comment of the day.

The bottom two last week were Ashley and Bianca. Bianca was finally let go which is a shame because, personality aside, she was one of the more interesting girls to look at.

I can’t wait for this week’s episode with Benny Ninja. He always brings the fierceness!

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