RachelWatch: P.S. The Bankers Are Still Winning


Today: Rachel looks at the 9-12 protests and Obama talks to the bankers.

March Madness

Rachel started off with a look at the 9-12 rally, which was a march on Washington for… Um… They were strongly in favor of… Uh… Well, anyway, they were against a whole passel of things.

Rather than give too much airtime to the two million 70,000 protesters, Rachel decided to focus on a counterprotest so delightful that I may have fallen in love with every single one of its members.

Senator Bernie Sanders (I – Vermont) dropped in to wrap up and bring back the gravitas.

False Profit

This will surprise you, but apparently the nations financiers have somehow not learned anything from the government’s strict and swift imposition of a complete lack of consequences for their actions.

Apparently they really did sit down and do some hard thinking about collapsing our economy to the point where people started buying newspapers again just so they could burn them for heat and occasionally gnaw at them for sustenance.

But then the bankers got distracted by the way government officials kept shouting, “No, you cannot have this money delivered in bushel baskets. You will take this money by the wheelbarrow and you will like it!”

Rachel welcomed TARP overseer Professor Elizabeth Warren, who is such an amazing example of quiet nerd bad-assery that I almost can’t stand it. I heart her.

Can’t we just send her around to give every individual financial miscreant a firm talking-to?

Just in case your brain went into shock and wouldn’t let you take in that number, Warren said that the financial services industry has given out half a billion dollars in campaign contributions in the last two years.

Anyone else think that if we didn’t have this form of institutionalized bribery, we’d already have a single-payer health care system and would have gotten to keep those neato finance laws that we put in after the Depression?

Ms. Information

Rachel reported that Osama bin Laden is continuing to pursue his Artists’ Way goal of releasing ever more bizarre and repellent taped statements by classily releasing a 9/11 anniversary edition.

He is apparently still alive, and wants to give you a reading list. My book is not on it, but I will try to put on a brave face and muddle through somehow.

(But I am done sending review copies to evil and/or insane political leaders. Sure, Kim Jong-Il made 30,000 North Koreans interpret the opening essay in a synchronized dance, but you could tell he had only skimmed the rest of it.)

Rachel also noted that like 5% of the American population turned into complete jerkasses over the past week.

Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, and Kanye West all decided that shouting things in public at highly inappropriate moments might be awesome and gave it a try.

If you have loved ones who have surnames beginning with the letter W, you might want to keep your distance for a couple of weeks.

Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-Texas) is planning to run against Rick Perry in 2010 as the non-crazy Republican candidate for Governor.

She was totally on deck to get a modest anti-Perry donation from me until Rachel brought us the annoying news that Hutchison is spreading the idiocy about Obama administration “czars” having mysterious political and possibly occult powers.

Ms. Hutchison, I hope that $5 stings as I am spending it on my lunch tomorrow.

Oh, and good luck, Texas! “The Angry Paranoid Secessionist State” has a nice ring to it!

The Whistleblower

The Case of the Wackenhut contractors in Afghanistan is just getting more grody and embarrassing, to the nation and to humanity in general.

I caught some bonobos reading about it and wondering why the hell we can’t conduct ourselves with a little decorum.

Whistleblower Terry Pearson joined Rachel to talk about what he called the Animal Farm atmosphere and the inexplicable case of a small clique getting away with hazing, poor job performance, and general creepitude for two years.

So why is that, exactly? Firing and reassigning doesn’t explain how and why it was allowed to happen in the first place, and for so long.

And speaking of unexplained issues, why did those idiots think coconut bras were the height of wild-boy hilarity when South Pacific showed the same wacky hijinks 60 years ago?

Nice rebel role models, guys. You couldn’t get your hands on a copy of Annie? Moon shots while wearing curly auburn wigs would have been adorable.

Sitting Here Less Quietly on Capitol Hill

Rachel let us know that if you really need something to liven up your commute, you can now download volunteer voice actors reading all of the health care reform bill.

Which is awesome, but would be even more so if actors would read it in character.

The idea of Andy Serkis reading it as Gollum is capturing my heart right now, but I think I would also really enjoy Rue McClanahan reading it as Blanche.

Blagojevich Aide Found Dead

Rachel brought us the strange and sad story of Christopher Kelly, a close friend of disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich (D). Kelly allegedly took a deliberate overdose of drugs rather than face the choice between jail or becoming a witness for the prosecution.

Rachel welcomed Mary Mitchell of the Chicago Sun-Times to try to explain the dark world of Chicago politics.

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