“Guiding Light” 9/4 mini-cap: Life’s Too Short, Olivia Comes Around


Olivia is out for a jog and runs into Matt. He is taking the edge off his sorrows with P&G product placement. He’s poppin’ Pringles because his ex-wife is remarrying. Olivia has been there before, many times, and sympathizes with lost chances.

Olivia gets a call from Natalia, which answers my initial confusion of why is she running with her phone in her hand. (A matching accessory for the sunglasses on the top of her head?) Nat is calling because she needs maternity clothes and she needs Olivia to go shopping with her. That’s what friends do, right?

Olivia agrees to help with Natalia’s professional pea in the pod ensemble. She can’t let Nat go to work in common clothes. That means no ugly blue scarves, no huge, puffy coats, no ridiculously large handbags and no laundry basket. Wait, Natalia is folding laundry. Some things never change.

Natalia runs into Matt at the mini-mart. Since Vanessa is marrying Billy, he is pondering the clinical benefits of ice cream or tequila for depression. I had no idea P&G made tequila. Must be a new marketing strategy to sell more pregnancy tests.

Not constrained by the standards or the practices of a gluteal-free diet, Josh devours Olivia’s maximus stretching routine. She says her “friends” don’t check out her ass like that. (No, but her fans do.)

They lament the blurred lines of being friends with ex-loves. Olivia tells Josh about clothes shopping with Natalia and visions of naked bums danced in his head.

Olivia is nervously changing clothes when she realizes she can’t just be friends. She calls Matt and makes a dinner date. In anticipation of tandem cycling, he hurries to Towers. Natalia knocks. Olivia answers, looking amazing in Natalia’s eyes. Liv tells Natalia she can’t go shopping. She can’t be friends; not now. She made dinner plans and has to go.

Olivia meets Matt at Towers. His “Lancelot” skills relegated less toward chivalry and more toward Armstrong, Matt awkwardly pushes the chair and Olivia under the table. They are engaged in small talk when Natalia stalks up and tells Olivia she needs to talk to her.

Natalia isn’t fooled by Liv going out with other people. They are not on a break. She knows that Olivia loves her — she can see it in her eyes. Natalia again pronounces her patience and her determination that they will be together. She can wait Olivia out. Nat gets up from the dinner table leaving Olivia to digest her thoughts.

The next day, Natalia visits Olivia at work and invites her to her sonogram appointment. Nat knows Olivia doesn’t want to miss out on these family moments; if they are having a girl or a boy. Olivia can’t. She wants Nat to leave this alone. Liv pretends the only little “ombre” of substance is the fabric design of Natalia’s shirt.

Natalia runs into Doris at the mini-mart. Doris comments on how good she looks. She is happy about raising the baby with Olivia. Doris is confused as she knows Olivia has refused. Natalia says she is holding on. Olivia is the love of her life. Well, that’s significantly better than IDK. Is there a vaccine?

Philip tells Olivia he is dying and must explain to Emma. Having been on the receiving end of this conversation, my cynicism takes a back seat to the alluded anguish. To feel better, Emma wants to make cookies for her dad. She asks Olivia to call Natalia. They go to the farmhouse, but Liv can’t go inside. She surveys the husbandry instead.

Liv and Emma are about to take the cure-all cookies to Philip when the phone rings. It’s Natalia checking on her favorite girls. Nat’s heart goes out to them, and says she would do anything for either of them. Liv tells her to just take care of herself, as the sonogram is today.

Symbolic of this recent Otalia storyline, Emma hands Philip the cookies hoping they will make everything alright. Liv says that they somehow have to make her understand that a little sugar at the end just isn’t enough to make it right. My sentiments exactly. There is such a thing as too little way too late.

Doris begins to think about love and loss and determines to tell Ashlee the truth. And there she is, in one brave move, rips that hat out of the closet, and throws it into the air. Doris, your gonna make it after all.

Ashlee is furious — not that she is ashamed of her mom, but because she kept it from her this long. Ironically, it’s Rafe that comforts Ashlee and tells her that this is about Doris and not about her. Apparently Rafe has been water-boarded.

Natalia runs into Philip at the hospital. He tells Natalia that Olivia and Emma need her and not to be fooled by Olivia pushing her away. Natalia assures Philip that she knows what she wants and she won’t let Olivia keep her out.

Continuing his role of terminal shaman, Philip runs into Olivia at the park and crashes her pity party. He reminds the that he is living proof that live it too short — you can be cancelled at any second. She can keep living, move on to the web, and have happiness with someone who loves her and wants her in her life.

Natalia and Frank are talking about the sonogram. Can I just say here that I hope this baby is a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I love men. I think they are the second best thing in creation, but Otalia have had enough testosterone coming between them.

Olivia walks into the exam room. Otalia stare at each other and Frank finally pics the right moment to get a clue and leaves them alone. Olivia says she had to come. She didn’t want to waste any more time. And then what some may refer to as anti-climactic, but I will call an intentional cataclysm of colossal contempt — a cheek touch, a forehead bump, and more hair stroking. Please.

Next week’s affection: Passed notes that say “I like you, do you like me? Yes. No. Check one.”

For updates and in-between Otalia postings go to www.mindschmootz.net.

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