The L Word Gen Q S1E4 Recap “LA Times”

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Catch up on episode 3 HERE

We open with two sexy scenes- first Bette and Felicity, who we are about to learn more about.

Then Shane is having a sexy dream about her wife, Chiara, when she’s awakened by her phone. She checks her texts and ignores all the new ones wishing her happy birthday to look back at the “I miss you” texts from Chiara and she’s bummed. No happy birthday message from the wifey.

Poor Shane.

Finley and the priest are getting it on when the doorbell rings and it’s a package for Shane, and Finley is saved by the bell because things were getting all talky talky.

Yes, she is STILL mooching off Shane. Which I just do not understand. If I were Shane I’d be like listen little baby dyke you have got to get the fuck outta my house. But no instead she is there in her house and bursts into her bedroom to deliver that birthday package. And this is how she feels about that:

Sophie and Dani are cozy in bed but we see things are getting weird between them. They are weird anyway and seem like the worst match ever, so this is no surprise to anyone.

Then Sophie tells Finely the swirly feelings in her stomach about the lady priest mean she’s in love. And Finely is like WTF no I’m not! I want to be a lady killer and grow up like Shane! I can’t love! Ok she didn’t say that verbatim but she was thinking it.

Anyway, it’s Shane’s big four oh, and Alice and Bette want to throw her a 40th birthday party but Shane gives them a surprise instead when she unveils the sign on her new bar:

The L Word

Sweet.

Then some boring political stuff about Bette’s campaign and then Dani lets Bette know she’s in on her little not so secret affair. And Felicity may have Bette’s work phone. Not good.

Next, Alice poses for a photoshoot and this was her wardrobe choice.

Then Nat stops by the set of the Alice show with the kids and fucks everything up by generally being present with little kids running around plus she tells the LA Times reporter they don’t have a good work-life balance. Alice smiles and saves face.

Dani marches over to have a word with Felicity and to get Bette’s phone back that Felicity clearly stole, and to let her know, woman to woman, that she ain’t about to waltz in here and fuck up Bette’s career. And Felicity cries, “but I love her!” and Dani is like, well too bad bitch, that’s what happens in life.

Then Dani marches over to Bette headquarters to tell her she doesn’t appreciate her one little bit and she’s had enough of her bad behavior!  Dani marches around a lot in general, looking very intense.

Bette gets very emo about her sister who died of a heroin overdose, which is why she’s running for mayor, because she wants to stop the heroin crisis,  and about her love for Felicity, and Dani once again is like, that’s life, too bad bitch, you can’t have your cake and eat it too!

Then we have a sexy bathtub scene between Sophie and Dani but I’m still not buying them as a couple. It just doesn’t work at all.

Sophie surprises Dani with her grandmother’s ring, and so things are all good in paradise.

Meanwhile, Bette hangs out with Shane and they smoke a joint together in honor of her 40th, and Shane spills the beans she fucked Lena and Bette starts pontificating but she’s too stoned to get through her monologue. But then Shane has to go and be a real buzzkill and blurt out “you’re still sleeping with Felicity!” and Bette melts down.

They reminisce about Kit (RIP) before Shane jumps up and grabs her divorce papers to show Bette. Side note: Bette is awesome when stoned. She should smoke more weed.

Shane starts crying about not wanting kids and being selfish because apparently that’s why her old lady gave her the boot, and Bette is like oh honey you’re Shane, of course you don’t want kids. And Shane is like …oh. right. Damn let’s sign this shit! And then they both have a grand ole time laughing their stoned asses off about Shane getting divorced on her 40th birthday before Bette ushers Shane to her SURPRISE PARTY at her bar- now called Dana’s if you recall – and everyone is there!

The crew even put together a slideshow of Shane as a kid up until The L Word original days, so we can get nostalgic with them.

Meanwhile, Finley is boozing it up as always and nobody is surprised bu they suggest she take it easy.

And even though this is a party, of course, DANI didn’t get the memo and chooses this time to interrogate Bette about Felicity. STFU DANI. You’re hot but you need to join Bette and Shane and get in on some sticky green action or something.

So Finley is getting bombed at the bar where she always is and Sophie gives her some relationship advice which is pretty basic. It’s just “you have to talk to a woman in person, you can’t just text her emojis.” And it blows her mind.

While Finley takes off to go profess her love or something like it, Alice and Nat discuss how GREAT their relationship is and Alice tries REAL hard to convince herself that her life is great and that she is totally not jealous in the least about Nat’s ex-wife, Gigi, who is basically a part of their big happy family as a co-parent. MMMmmmmmmhhm. But SOMETHING is up.

So meanwhile Finley, being an idiot, decides to get on her bicycle and drunkenly profess her love to the priest, insulting her deeply as she does so by saying “oh hey it’s totally cool that I can’t get over you being a priest and the church shit because you’re not a real priest so whatever, girl it’s all good now” and lady priest is visibly wounded.

Jeezus.

Ok. Ok. Ok. Get ready for this next bit. Back at the party, Alice and Nat decide they want a threeway with Gigi and set their sights on their prey.

And THEY GET IT.

So there’s a femme/femme/femme threesome scene but I’ll only show you this much of it.

And now for the MAIN EVENT which is the end scene of this episode. Drum roll.

CHIARA (Shane’s wife, or ex-wife now that Shane signed the papers) appears in the fucking doorway and she is smoking HOT as you can see:

Damn Shane. How’d you fuck that up son??

Shane:

Happy Birthday.

 

Stay tuned for the recap of episode 5 by Jocelyn. I’m out!

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