RachelWatch: For the Public Mediocrity


Today: The public option is under fire and way too many people think it’s a good idea to bring guns to a policy fight.

No We Can’t

Have a friend tie you to something sturdy before you watch this next clip — nothing weaker than a basketball pole. Ideally, pick a load-bearing beam or a grain silo or something. And wear baggy or stretchy clothing. Because you might flip out.

But please do watch it.

Just to get you properly braced, the health care reform debate is at such a place that health insurance stocks went up while the rest of the market went down on Friday.

For crying out loud, Democrats, you have the worst learning curve on the face of the planet. How many times are you going to cave immediately in the hopes that the Republicans will get all nice and bipartisan? And how many times are you going to get all trembly-lipped and frustrated when they don’t?

And use your fabulous government health care plan to get whatever therapy you need to stop being frightened by everything that happens, ever.

I have seen overbred teacup poodles that are better at dealing with sudden loud noises.

Everyone else, this doesn’t have to be over yet. If your representatives can be stampeded (and, let’s face it, they can), they can be stampeded in both directions.

Remember that your reps still live in the Byzantine era, so a phone call scares them ten times worse than an e-mail and a letter that you have to kill a tree for has them shrieking and gibbering worst of all.

Don’t feel bad for the trees. They have way better access to surgeons than you do.

Guns ‘n Poses

Rachel moved on to a story that is just flabbergasting: That of the atomic plateheads who are now insisting on bringing their loaded firearms to public meetings, including those with the President in attendance.

Rachel welcomed former Secret Service agent Joseph Petro to help marvel at the asshattery of it all.

Criminy. I love my founding fathers, I really do.

I just wish that after every one of our Constitutional rights, they had inserted the line “That said, the people shall try not to be jerks about it.”

And I cannot believe the disingenuousness with which some right-wing talking heads are addressing it. “They’re carrying guns because it’s their right,” is beside the point and we all know it. Nobody needs to pack heat in the community center’s multipurpose room.

A room full of guns is more likely to erupt into gunfire than one that isn’t and we all know it. If we’re going to pretend that nothing’s going to whip people up into a fighting mood, why don’t we just pass out shots of Jack Daniels at the meetings too?

Springbrains who bring guns to town hall meetings, I need to explain something to you:

I know you think that the message you are sending by bringing your gun is “I am a bad-ass rebel who is totally in control and you can’t scare me so nyah!”

But I must, with regret, report that the message you are actually sending is “I am possibly crazy and definitely have deep concerns about the efficacy of my genitals!”

I’m just saying.

Ms. Information

Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett (D), after properly calling 911, came to the aid of a grandmother and grandchild who were being threatened by the 1-year-old’s estranged father.

Barrett landed in the hospital with a broken hand and a head injury for his trouble, but, as Rachel pointed out with her nerd flag flying, he is now in a position to become a comic book hero.

Milwaukee Mayor! I can’t wait to see his costume.

Rachel also reported that while the Department of Justice continues as a matter of policy to defend the ridiculous Defense of Marriage Act, they have gotten way smarter and more polite about it.

She also noted that the Obama administration has flat-out said that the law is discriminatory and should be repealed.

Rachel thought that there might be a quick ‘n’ easy way to repeal DOMA, and hinted that it might have something to do with the 14th Amendment.

For your reference, Section 1 of the 14th Amendment reads in part:

No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. That said, the people shall try not to be jerks about it.

C Street Band

Rachel brought us an update on the religious-political power cult The Family and its terrible, horrible, no-good very bad year.

Now a new article in the Christian magazine The World has come out, and they are not impressed with The Family’s theology or their money trail.

Rachel brought back reporter Jeff Sharlet, who is author of The Family. And who I’m guessing is having a pretty good year.

Rachel Re: Let Them Eat Fake

Like any good sports fan, Rachel hates Astroturf.

Enjoy her quick and feisty primer on following the money.

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