“Guiding Light” 7/24 mini-cap: Liv’s Losing It


This week’s recap picks up where last week’s left off. Olivia is at the farmhouse with a bottle of wine. Somewhere between then and now she has broken in and taken a wine glass.

While Liv empties the bottle in Jeffery’s memory, the phone rings reminding Olivia she has forgotten to pick up Emma from camp. A MADD member drop-out, Liv drives drunk to camp. And thus begins Olivia’s journey down the boulevard of bat-crap crazy so recently paved by the Obama “birthers.”

Living up to the oath of Hypocrites, Christina decides her first responsibility is to do no harm. She volunteers to take Emma for the afternoon giving Liv the opportunity to sober up. No, Liv, it’s not fair that only the good die young, but why don’t you try walking off your fermentation so more innocents don’t become part of that urban proverb.

Liv ambles off, but not to find sobriety. She schlepps into Farley’s and finds Josh. Those two seem to prefer their afternoons muddled just like their mojitos. Liv and Josh lament the loss of friends and submerge each other’s collective sorrows in midday liquid spirit.

A few games of eight ball and a pot of Eight O’Clock later, Olivia admits she’s in trouble. She is drinking alone, endangering Emma, and frequently going around the Springfield bend. She is glad Josh is there to keep her real. Well, as real as this ill-conceived, disjointed storyline will allow.

Josh gives the erratic Liv a ride back to her hotel. That cheesy soft-core music plays as Olivia thanks Josh for driving her home. I anticipate retro muffin innuendo, but get blatant bath bravado instead. Liv shuts off the opportunity of any anticipatory ex-husband door-gasm and walks over to the stale Otalia picture from New Year’s Eve.

Blake walks through a wide open hotel door. That’s not the only thing unhinged in that room. She finds Liv sitting on the floor of her bathroom, shower running, eating a bag of chips. Blake realizes these crisps come with the dip.

Liv asks if Natalia will ever come back, and was it her that forced her leave. Natalia will come back and save Liv from this horribly spasmodic storyline; we have the pictures from Peapack to prove it.

Blake tells Olivia to get in the shower and pull herself together. Liv is unsure of what to do. Blake instructs her to go back to her roots and pushes Liv toward the shower. Go back to her roots? What the hell does THAT mean? She already dyed her hair, and the spoilers say nothing about San Cristobel.

Olivia, having showered and put back on the exact same clothes, continues her trip round the bend to the police station. She finds a sympathetic ear from Remy when she reveals Nat has been missing since the fourth of July. Now, this could be anywhere from a couple of days soap time to three weeks real time. He says he will check her tax records to see if there are any old addresses. What? Do these writers not watch SVU? Perhaps a credit card check or maybe a cell phone ping to begin. Oh wait, I forget good police work would solve that Leccia problem too soon.

Olivia stares at a very tiny screen cap of Nat. Well, at least it’s not that NYE picture again. Frantically, Olivia gathers up Emma for an impromptu road trip to Chicago in search of Natalia.

Emma wants to go to camp instead. She suggests her mother call Nat. Ah, logic from the mouth of a babe. Liv becomes more agitated as Emma balks at the trip. Sing, Emma, sing…and all will be better. Emma recoils. This mad hatter mom is scaring her. Emma’s reaction temporarily frees Liv’s bats from her belfry. Emma is better off with Jane. Wow, there’s a statement.

Olivia shows up at one of Natalia’s old places of employment. It doesn’t look like a religious retreat, but you never know. She tells the bartender that Natalia is in trouble and she needs to find her. He is concerned over their mutual friend’s disappearance, but tells Olivia he has not seen Nat.

Olivia becomes delusional, tells the bartender she can see that he is lying, and handcuffs herself to the railing refusing to leave until he tells her the truth. Now I’m used to filling in a few gaps here and there when it comes to soaps, but this storyline has more holes than the Republican argument against universal healthcare.

I assume the handcuffs were from the old hetero Saran Wrap sexploits days that CBS welcomed in the children’s hour. Jumping ahead from an apparent disturbing the peace arrest and arraignment, Liv calls Josh to bail her out of a Chicago jail. Olivia in a moment of kooky giddiness offers Josh an explanation. Instead of a public revelation of the Otalia relationship, we get a Josh insistence to replay the Bad Girl filmfest in his head.

Rafe is at the park playing with himself. He runs toward Olivia. Why she is wondering around a baseball field I don’t quite have an answer. Hankering for a hot dog? Nah. Apparently Rafe notices that Natalia is gone and blames Olivia for it. Glimmers of the old Olivia fight back and accuse Rafe and his church of making Natalia feel dirty for being in love.

Liv takes her frustrations out on a Spaulding she hasn’t married as she hurls a few high and tight across the plate and into the backstop. Liv is in a slump, collapsing down the fencing, fighting against the chain links as if a mad animal in a cage.

My favorite peripheral enters. Doris meets up with Ashlee for coffee. Ashlee reveals a conversation she had with Rafe that Natalia is gay. Funny how the gay logo is now being thrown around such a “label-less” storyline. The next thing you know, Buzz will come out of the kitchen carrying a new toaster oven to the throngs of Melissa Etheridge’s “Yes, I Am.”

Doris nervously presses Ashlee about Rafe, but the jitters are not from the caffeine. Rafe is upset, but more disquieted about the fact Natalia didn’t tell him. That’s a huge secret to keep from your kid, right mayor? And there she is, wearing an uncomfortably fitting hat.

Liv leaves the retreated Nat a message about Jeffery’s funeral. Ava has arrived, and the hills are alive with the sound of Olivia losing it.

For updates and in-between Otalia postings go to www.mindschmootz.net.

More you may like