RachelWatch: Senator Ensign’s Affair Hits New Levels of Creepy


Today: Rachel takes us inside the “family” of conservative Christian politicians.

Johnny Cash

I’ll admit it: I thought Senator Ensign’s affair was going to be an also-ran after Governor Sanford (R – South Carolina) had the Most Romantical Press Conference in the World. But no! He’s really coming up fast on the inside.

In addition to offering us an oddly adorable affair/money graphic, Rachel seems to have grown fond of the word “schtupping” as a go-to euphemism for sex, and I could not be happier. (Well, that’s not entirely true. I have a feeling I’d be deliriously happy if she ever said “making whoopee,” “playing tiddlywinks,” or “dancing the horizontal mambo,” But I’m still pretty happy with “schtupping”.)

Turns out that once she was done “passing his bill through committee,” Ensign (R – Nevada) may have paid his mistress/staff member just a wee bit more than he said, and Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington would like a word.

Jon Ralston, a columnist for the Las Vegas Sun, dropped in for a conversation about whether the increasingly creepy cuckolded husband is credible and why people are acting like the wife had no free will in the situation. Maybe it got lost in her giant pile of hair.

Eyes on the Needle

Rachel noted that more than two dozen people were arrested in the Capitol rotunda for protesting the Obama administration’s change in policy on the ban on Federal funding for needle exchange programs, which help slow the spread of HIV and AIDS among drug users.

I’ve been impressed at Obama’s determination to restore science to U.S. policy. I’m looking forward to both the administration and the American people moving towards restoring things that work but sometimes make people uncomfortable.

Deacon on the Hill

Oh, did you think we were done with how creepy Senator Ensign’s affair is getting? Not even close. Senator Ensign’s affair, pretty damn creepy on its own, has opened a big, creaky door that leads to a tunnel full of bats that comes out in a great big twisty-vined garden full of creepy and dead oak trees.

And in the branches of those oak trees? More creepy.

Lets walk around, shall we?

Things I took away from this segment:


2) Rachel writes notes on the flyleaf while she’s reading the book! Which means she’s from the “Information is All” school of nerd rather than the “Preserve the Book” school.

3) Naming an organization “The Family” is pretty much a dead giveaway that things are going to get out of hand, isn’t it? Why not just call yourself The Skulls of Doom and get it over with?

Ms. Information

Rachel gave us the stunning news that Senator Roland Burris (D – Illinois) will not be seeking re-election.

Former Governor and current Hairmaster Rod Blagojevich’s chief of staff pled guilty to fraud on Wednesday and agreed to testify against Blagojevich regarding his plan to, um, sell the Senate seat that Burris currently occupies.

No matter how this shakes out, it’s going to be tough on Burris’s reputation. That has to be hard to think about for a guy who already has his mausoleum all set up.

The best bet for Burris is probably to keep his head down and hope he can get the hell out of Dodge with a little dignity when his term is up. Senator, try not to get caught mutually re-tweeting any staff members in the meantime.

Rachel cheered us up by letting us know that tourists are welcome at North Korea’s big summer festival of lots of people doing things in unison! Even Americans! You won’t be arrested and put into a labor camp! Well, OK, you will, but not right away!

Secrets and Lies

The Recent spat between Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D – Califnotenoughbudgettofinishthename) and CIA Director Leon Panetta has brought the dilemma of members of the House Intelligence Committee into sharp focus: They’re supposed to oversee an organization that completely controls every aspect of the information exchange, and they aren’t allowed to talk to anyone about concerns they may have about the legality of what’s going on.

Sisyphus would turn down that job.

Richard Clarke, former chief counterterrorism adviser and author of Your Government Failed You joined Rachel to tag-team you with frustration.

Decision 1388

Rumors of the Iranian uprising’s death have been greatly exaggerated. After an eleven-day lull, thousands of demonstrators hit the streets again, braving police truncheons and tear gas.

Rachel and the amazing Richard Engel talked about the new tactics and pace of the protests, and the new strategy of convincing Iran’s religious leaders instead of embarrassing secular leaders.

The two estimated that the timeline for this will probably be a year or more, so send the Iranians any spare moxie you may have.

Have a great weekend, and don’t get caught “inspecting your thread-count” with anyone you shouldn’t.

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