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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.10): Heads Will Roll

This weapon matches my body spray! Sweet!

Noel chases Emily and Hanna with his axe, calling them bitches that never understood him #masculinitysofragile. Hanna whacks him with a coat rack, causing him to drop the axe. Emily then punches him, and he falls neck-first onto the axe, decapitating himself. NOEL KAHN CUT HIS OWN FUCKING HEAD OFF.

You may have heard I decapitated a guy

Noel’s head tumbles down the stairs and lands at the feet of Spencer, Ali, and Aria, who proceed to freak the fuck out. TBH though, Aria seemed more scared of that mannequin head in Sara Harvey’s hotel room. The Liars run up the stairs and are followed by Jenna, who kicks Noel’s head out of the way. Jenna fires her gun and the Liars run for it, making their way back to the door before realizing that Spencer isn’t with them.

We see Spencer, on the floor, with a bullet hole in her chest. Jenna stalks her through the nursery, raving about how she can smell Spencer’s blood #not the fetal pigs?# and gets ready to shoot her again when she’s tackled by Mary Fucking Drake. The Liars find Spencer cradled in Mary’s arms, and she drops the bombshell: Spencer is her daughter aka the secret second child.

This is fascinating information and I like your lullaby but could someone maybe call a fucking ambulance so I don’t die in this knock-off haunted mansion?

In other bloody news, Toby and Yvonne wrecked their truck just outside of Rosewood. Are they still alive? Who knows. Jenna wakes up in the back of a van, driven by A.D. who tosses their mask on the floor. Jenna also asks if A.D. shot Spencer, which is confusing because I thought SHE was the shooter. My brain hurts, you guys.

That’s a wrap on Season 7A, folks. What did you think of the finale? Tweet me your feels @ChelseaProcrast and meet me in April 2017 for the final (sob) 10 episodes of Pretty Little Liars ever.

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