Back at Spencer’s house, Paige rolls in with coffee and donuts for everyone. Ali watches jealously as Paige comforts Emily, and demands to know why she’s there. Emily reminds Ali that Paige knows their whole story, and it’s easier to confide in her than explaining seven seasons of nonsense to Sabrina and her floppy hats. I mean, how would she even begin to tell that story?
Hanna rolls in and spins her fake story, and everyone believes it…except for Caleb. He takes her back to the loft, where he starts calling her out for lying. He goes on about what a pain in the ass she is/how she doesn’t do dishes/how they are meant to be, and they start making out and have sex on a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace. The very fireplace that nearly barbequed Aria. Haleb is officially end game, which I’m sure won’t be weird when they get married and Spencer is a bridesmaid.
Jenna and Mona share an elevator ride together and trade quips about Jenna’s jungle red lipstick. Mona offers her a get out of jail free card: stop looking for Noel and leave Rosewood, and they won’t rat her out to the police.
Emily spends the night at Alison’s house so that Haleb can continue their bang fest. Ali reveals that she’s pregnant with Archer’s baby (or Emily’s eggs?!) and bursts into tears. Emily comforts her and promises to support her, because Emily Fields is the patron saint of sexually fluid girls in distress.
