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“Pretty Little Liars” recap (7.6): The Showers of It All

We flash forward to the present and Jenna tells Emily she got Archer his new identity and his job at Wellby. How?! Was there a false document extracurricular at Rosewood High? Jenna had reached out to Charlotte after reading about her story, and Charlotte was already a fan of hers from the tall tales of Mona. Jenna was devastated by Charlotte’s death, and assumed that the Liars killed Archer. Emily leaves and Sara follows her out to make sad eyes. She claims that she’s keeping Emily safe, but when Emily asks for more deets, Jenna calls her back into the room.

Spencer goes to the Lost Woods resort to look for Archer, but instead she finds Mary Drake wielding a crowbar. Mary drags her into the room and tells her that Archer must be after her. Mary says Archer has a crazy temper, and they hear some noises outside. Spencer goes out to check (with the crowbar) but they’re all alone.

For the last time, I’m not accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior!

Aria finds Hanna sitting on the steps of the police station. Also, Aria’s sweater is so comically hideous it belongs in a museum. Aria tells Hanna about Ezra’s proposal, which she wants to accept, but can’t because of the whole murder thing. Ugh Aria, since when has anyone on this show let murder get in the way of a love story? Literally never. You straight up murdered Shana one time and went on banging like it was no big deal. Hanna finally comes clean about her fake ring and tells Aria that she broke it off with WhatsHisFace. She didn’t want Spencer to know, what with the Caleb of it all.

Aria, if he can love you in that sweater, then he can love you no matter what

Ezra and Caleb run into each other at Radley, and are like, “Ladies, am I right? Always lying, and hiding, and burying bodies and shopping!” Spencer and Caleb meet up for their big talk and break up. Caleb admits he’s confused, and Spencer cries. She tells him that he woke up her heart after breaking up with Toby, and they part on very amicable, mature terms. The show seems to be setting up a Haleb reunion, but honestly, how is that going to be okay? It’s truly a lesbian love triangle.

Ali goes through Mary’s bags and finds some stolen goods (like a ballerina necklace) but Mary tells her that Jessica stole them from her first. She also shows Ali her c-section scar and cries that Jessica took her baby before she even held it. Ali wants to know why Charlotte went by CeCe Drake if she didn’t know Mary was her birth mom, but Mary has no idea. Guys, I’m kind of really into Mary Drake. I would love to see a flashback series of her and Jessica having all the family drama.

Aria goes to Ezra’s place and tells him that she wants to marry him, but first she has to tell him about the murder. I love that Aria feels the need to run this by Ezra, when he literally stalked her and her friends for years. They make up and Ezra re-proposes and Aria says yes and then I have an epileptic fit from staring at that fucking sweater.

Let’s re-light these candles and burn that abortion of a garment you’re wearing
Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive
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