“Once Upon a Time” (5.21): Three murders and a funeral


Previously on Once Upon A Time, Hades needed a beating heart to get out of the Underworld, so he kissed Zelena and went to Storybrooke, Emma took Team Charming to the Underworld to save Hook but ended up leaving him behind anyway, and we were promised a LGBT storyline and got one (albeit adorable) episode instead. (Still salty, it’s fine.)

Hades is pumped to be in Storybrooke and keeps brushing Zelena off. They’re hiding in the woods because Hades is afraid Snow White will kill him on sight, so Zelena gives him the baby and heads into town to tell everyone that he has changed.

As soon as she leaves, King Arthur shows up, in handcuffs, having just escaped the Land of Forgotten Plots. Hades talks to him just long enough to get anyone who actually did forget who he was up to speed, then kills him dead. Arthur ends up in the Underworld and runs into Hook, and once Hook eases him into the whole being dead thing, Arthur remembers that Hades killed him.

Merida finds Arthur’s body and takes Emma and Charming there. Emma knows just by looking at him that this must be the work of Hades.

OUAT 521-1“Can I go now? I was thinking of finding Elsa.”

Emma storms off to kill him herself, but Charming says she needs to grieve before she can go off half-cocked to kill a literal god.

Zelena runs into Regina, and Robin and Regina try to tell her that Hades is lying to her and tried to trap them in the Underworld, but love is blind, so she refuses to believe it. Zelena stomps off to Hades to complain about her sister, and he makes this big show of wanting to turn himself in, which prompts Zelena into saying they should fight, just as he hoped. He says he just HAPPENS to have exactly the thing they need to kill Team Charming super dead—meaning not just regular dead because that never sticks on this show, but like REALLY dead. It can kill humans, gods, even straight white male characters. It’s THAT powerful!

Regina and Robin head into some secret tunnels to get Baby Hood from Hades and Regina apologizes for sticking up for Zelena. She starts to also blame herself, and instead of being like, “Hey it’s not your fault for wanting to give someone a second chance since it took so long for anyone to give you yours,” he gets all grumpy with her and Regina is highly offended.

OUAT 521-2Male ego, so fragile, it can’t even handle an apology if it isn’t word-for-word what he expected.

Down in the Underworld, Hook and Arthur go looking for the missing pages Hades tore from the Storybook so that Hook can save Emma even from a different realm. They find the pages easily in Hades’ lair, and in it is the crystal, aka How to Kill Gods and Alienate People.

Hook goes to Cruella and asks for the phone booth to talk to Emma, but she destroyed it. So he asks where the Storybook is, and she says it’s “in sight but out of reach.”

When they get through the secret tunnel, Regina apologizes to Hood, and, this time, he forgives her. He tells her that this is her last chance to back out of this plan to get his daughter back, but she’s in it to win it.


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