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“Wynonna Earp” recap (1.06): Dem Bones

Previously on Wynonna Earp, Wynonna set out to kill The Seven, the group of Revenants responsible for the loss of her sister and father, an uncharacteristically nice Rev helped out and gave them a picture of The Seven, and Big Bad Bobo del Rey helped the Stone Witch assemble some skeletons.

We open with Wynonna sparring with Dolls. She’s very acrobatic but he still kinda kicks her butt. He tells her to find his weakness, and that she does. And when she knocks him down, she is SO proud of herself. It’s quite adorable.

While she’s happy dancing around, she tells Dolls that “Make your peace” is her new catchphrase and invites him to dinner, but he declines. In all her bouncing, she doesn’t notice that there’s something wrong with Dolls’ arm.

Across town, Doc storms up to Bobo and is mad that the Stone Witch wasn’t where he said she’d be. Doc wants to kill the witch, which I suppose is part of the reason Bobo isn’t quite ready to hand her over. They have a bit of a pissing match before parting ways.

Bobo goes to his digging yard and is pissed not everyone showed up for work today. He forces a Revenant to put a drill in his own cheek and it’s gross and evil.

Back in town, Waverly and Wynonna meet up for some sisterly snacking.

Waverly gets a dick pic and Wynonna finally says it: She’s. Too. Good. For. Champ. The. Chump. Waverly tries to change the subject to Wynonna’s sex life, but the not-so-nice waitress, Hetty, interrupts them.

This gets Waverly back on track, and the sisters get back to looking at the picture of the Seven. There’s one Revenant with a tattoo on their neck, and Waverly recognizes the symbol and knows someone Wynonna can talk to called the Blacksmith, because OF COURSE SHE DOES.

Dolls and Wynonna go find this Blacksmith, and Wynonna steps on a landmine. Dolls tells her not to move while Wy’s eyes do the most awesome crazy things, then the Blacksmith comes storming out, wielding a hot poker.

And she is FIERCE. Wynonna asks for her help and sort of threatens her, but in a cute way? It wins the Blacksmith over and she tells her to come inside, then laughs at Wynonna when she realizes she’s not moving because she’s standing on a landmine. They’re not active.

Wynonna shows the Blacksmith the photo of The Seven and says the tattoo is of a livestock brand. The Blacksmith says those who were marked didn’t choose it, something Wynonna can relate to first hand. The Blacksmith turns her attention to Dolls and can tell that he’s in pain, that his soul needs protection. She offers him a salve, but when Wynonna makes a joke about him needing a salve for cure his curmudgeonliness, or help him act more human, Dolls storms out, saying it’s time for them to leave.

Back at the Earp homestead, Waverly and Champ are unloading some of Uncle Curtis’s things that the girls have inherited. Waverly can’t believe how much stuff there is, but Champ says Curtis was always going out to collect things, and that he was into them old-fashioned doo-dads from yesteryear and other learnins. When Waverly is like, “History?” He literally asks how someone so pretty can be so smart. Because he is all kinds of wrong. Waverly just says the two aren’t mutually exclusive, and brushes him off when he to turn things sexual, over her dead uncle’s things, because he is an animal.

Waverly continues to ignore his wandering hands as she finds a note from her uncle in the truck, a note with a poem that she hides behind her back when Wynonna comes traipsing in, snapping at Champ to get his hands off her sister.

Wynonna tells Waverly what she learned at the Blacksmith and gets some clues over where to go next.

Champ moves his hands to the truck instead of Waverly, where he reveals a beautiful motorcycle that Waverly says was left to Wynonna. At this, Wynonna loses her damn MIND, giddy with excitement, purring and everything.

Doc shows up and points out how apropos it is for the cowgirl to have found her saddle and asks if he can have a word.

They go into the barn, and Wynonna actually stammers a bit, and he acts a little less brazen than normal, but he lets her down a little when he’s not there to woo her, but to ask her to hook him up with Dolls. It’s like when you think you’re getting hit on by a pretty girl at a bar and then it turns out she’s actually trying to get the scoop on your friend.

Anyway, speaking of Dolls, he’s having a bit of a hard time. He’s on the phone, yelling that he needs something, some sort of medicine, but does his best to pull it together when Doc and Wynonna come in. Wynonna leaves the boys to their business while she goes to take care of business of her own aka eating a donut.

Doc asks Dolls for help finding Cece Stone, and Dolls agrees to do it as long as Doc gives him proof of Bobo’s supernatural goings-on. They shake on it, though Doc is a little put off by Dolls’ sweaty palms. Doc leaves and Wynonna comes in, amused that the two men in her life are chums now. She asks Dolls how he feels about cows, because they’re about to chase some answers about that cattle brand.

On the farm, Dolls tells Wynonna that Black Badge HQ needs proof of Revenant activity, and Wynonna does her usual snarking, but instead of his usual ignore-and-move-on technique, this time, he snaps at her and tells her to take her job seriously. Wynonna gets quiet and serious and tells him he better not fucking talk to her life that, but they’re interrupted by a running Revenant. Wy shouts some meat puns at him and corners him against a fence.

Dolls tries to convince Wynonna not to kill him, but this guy is one of The Seven, so Wynonna doesn’t hesitate to shoot him dead. Dolls is PISSSSED. But before he can scold her too long, they find a severed arm. Wynonna realizes now that the Rev she just killed had said “Leave US alone” so probably he wasn’t alone.

Wynonna and Dolls go inside to poke around and find a photo album that has images and trophies of victims instead of family.

Across town, Doc dresses up like one of Bobo’s men and snoops around until he finds the partial skeletons. Bethany shows up and wants to role play, but he wants answers instead. She explains that Bobo has been digging for years, trying to put the skeletons back together, and when it’s clear he won’t be boning her among the bones, she leaves.

At the station, Dolls is shaking and twitching while he processes evidence. Wynonna tries to ignore it while she puts together a murderboard and realizes that the murders all line up to when her ancestors turned 27 and became the heir. At the same time, Dolls realizes that there are female human bite marks on the arm they found. So they have a serial killing cannibal lady Revenant on their hands. Fun.

Waverly and Champ go to Shorty’s and he is generally useless while she tries to figure out what Uncle Curtis’s poem means. She sits in her uncle’s chair and realizes that the part that says, “My beautiful mug,” refers to the mirror, and my what a beautiful mug it is.

On the way back out to the cannibal farm, Wynonna tries to feel Dolls’ head for a fever, and says she’s worried about him because he’s sweaty but not hot. He brushes her off and they head into a bunker. Wynonna recognizes the furniture from the diner and knows it belongs to Mama Olive, but they see chains on the furniture and know this isn’t just a place for a secret book club to meet. They hear a noise up above and run up to see what’s what.

At the bar, Waverly notices the next part of the poem mentions a song, and Curtis used to sing one certain song to her, AND she could see the piano through the mirror when she sat on the stool. So she goes over to the piano and plinks out the tune of “Pop Goes the Weasel” and voila! A trap door opens, and Waverly pulls out a box just for her. Aaaand it’s a skull.

And it has a note in its mouth, declaring Waverly the Keeper of the Bones. It says not to tell anyone except the Blacksmith (I imagine Champ doesn’t count because he has less of a brain than the skull) and she’s so, so excited to be chosen. To be special.

She explains that Curtis always funded her education, no matter how weird and out there the courses she wanted to take were, and she’s basking in the glow of this legacy she’s been handed when Champ ruins it by opening his pretty mouth. Waverly is fed up. She has an epiphany, and she realizes that she is meant for great things, and there’s no way this chump can keep up. So she ends it, and looks so FREE.

On the farm, Wynonna and Dolls run after the Revenant, and Wynonna wrastles a bit, confused by how a) a Revenant she killed could be back and b) how he shrunk in just a few hours. But when she pulls off the Revenant’s bandana, she sees that it’s not the same Revenant, it’s a girl. And not just any girl. It’s Hetty, from the diner.

Hetty explains that Wynonna had killed Herman and her brother and that Mama Olive is the cannibal. Wynonna runs after Dolls, but Mama has him locked in the bunker, so Wy and Hetty go look for the key in the house. Hetty explains that one winter got so bad that they had to eat people to survive and that Mama got a taste for it that flares up with a vengeance whenever the Earp air activates. Hetty has no love for any of it, though, including the fact that Mama Olive made her dress like a boy to get ahead.

They get the key and head to the bunker, where Mama takes a bite out of Dolls before declaring him spoiled. Dolls throws handcuffs up to Wynonna, who locks Hetty to the door of the bunker and jumps down like a boss.

Wynonna sends Mama to hell right quick and climbs out in time to see Hetty dragging the bunker door away, determined but not nearly fast enough. Wynonna gets to use her catchphrase, “Make your peace,” but doesn’t take nearly as much joy in it as she did when she was playing with Dolls earlier. Dolls actually says good job for once, which cheers Wynonna up a bit.

Meanwhile, Waverly takes a bottle of wine and her box with a skull in it to the Blacksmith.

The Blacksmith performs a ritual, bonding her to the skull, officially making her the Keeper of the Bones. When the ceremony is over, the Blacksmith starts and pulls back, suddenly afraid. She hadn’t known who the skull belonged to before, but now that she does, she’s scared and needs to protect herself, namely with salt. So I have a feeling it’s a skull the Stone Witch is looking for. Waverly asks if she’s in danger, and the Blacksmith says that of course she is, that’s the price you pay to be chosen. Something Waverly didn’t think of when she was wishing she was the Earp heir.

Dolls goes out for a run and meets up with someone who smuggled him something from a lab. It’s all very shady, and the man doesn’t want to be contacted again. He runs back to the station and sees Doc, who wasn’t able to find the proof Dolls wanted. Doc thinks Dolls might be a drug addict, and Dolls calls their deal off. They’re back to comparing biceps then.

At the Earp homestead, Doc comes to see Wynonna, who is polishing her pony. (That sounded dirtier than I meant…she’s cleaning her bike.) He tells her happiness is a myth, but she doesn’t believe that. She CAN’T believe that. So she’s going to keep fighting for it. She also tells him that probably they should just be friends. She does better on her own. At least for now.

Inside the station, Dolls shoots up the blue stuff he got from the guy on the bench; it’s in a gun dispenser that reminds me of the highly underrated Repo! The Genetic Opera, and it makes him shake and groan, and his eyes go demonic. Looks like Wynonna’s jokes weren’t too far off; Dolls is definitely not human.

What did you think of “Constant Cravings”?

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