“The Family” recap (1.5): Willa get a Kiss?

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Willa says John’s prints are on the baseball bat, but John points out that it’s his, so of course they are. We’ve all learned since the wiping-prints-off-the-ship-in-the-bottle incident. Willa definitely needs to blow off some stress. May we suggest a stiff drink at a different kind of bar than you normally go to, Willa?

Meyer’s not arresting John because why would he leave his fingerprinty bat over at the crime scene? Everyone wonders how the bat got over to Hank’s place, and then we have about 30 shots of Maybe-Adam to remind us that he can disable the alarm now. Willa accuses Danny of turning the alarm off while he was drunk, but we’ve all known it was Maybe-Adam for a week, so let’s keep moving.

John gets arrested for assaulting Hank, and the dozens of reporters who seem to be able to make a living in Red Pines are there to catch the moment. How many newspapers and TV stations do they have? First, I think we now know Hanks’ revenge plan for the Warrens ruining his reputation. Second, how did Little League lady miss the Adam Warren story when every second resident of the town is a reporter?

Hank looks at cakes in an otherwise empty bakery and orders a full-sized one. He says he’ll eat it there and has the baker ice “I WIN” onto it.  He digs a fork right into the middle. Monster.

Ten years ago, Willa finds drunk John at the Little League bleachers. Hey, show! How about we NOT have tight shots of 13-year-old Willa’s legs in her miniskirt? John is rambling about how Adam’s team won, and the other kids grew. Willa wants to tidy everything up and take him home. John needs a moment because he has peed himself, because Young Willa doesn’t have enough to deal with. Keep being good, Willa! Keep being good!

Present Willa walks through the enormous City Hall of Red Pines while Bad Reporter tries to give her coffee and offers an insider in the press. Willa doesn’t trust her and is also pissed off at how good Bad Reporter’s perfume smells. Bad Reporter says she can “give good spin” on John’s assault rap. Willa is skeptical. And turned on. But like angry turned on.

Ep 5 Pic 3

Back at the Tribune, Bad Reporter asks for a favor from a non-bad reporter, and he says “I’m not going to another lesbian club with you!” This is to remind us that Bad Reporter is some mysterious not-straight sexual orientation (apparently they are all the same thing). The show is concerned that we may need to be reminded of that because Bad Reporter has been shtupping the daylights out of a dude ever since she announced that she’s a lesbian lifestyle blogger a few weeks ago.

Bad Reporter delves deep into her blogging skills and comes up with a solution to giving good spin. She tells Non-bad Reporter to retweet everything with #PapaBear and use the Tribune’s Twitter handle. Because if there’s one thing major newspapers condone, it’s using their official social media presences to take sides on open cases. Anyway, the entire nation is following this case closely enough to assume that this #PapaBear thing will trend.

Willa, who apparently isn’t following this building tweetstorm, tells John to take a guilty plea to aggravated assault. He’d get a fine and community service, but Willa is worried that a trial would go on for months and tank Claire’s campaign. Claire says no plea, even if it costs them the race Willa is baffled. The Warren marriage gets a little tighter.

Ep 5 Pic 4

Danny asks Maybe-Adam where he went when he turned the alarm off. Maybe-Adam says he wanted to know he could leave because sometimes it feels like he can’t. Adam tells Danny he got another postcard, because why would you mention that to the police first? It’s the postcard from Kitty Hawk.

They do take the card to the police, who determine that the Bad Man is going up the East Coast. For the record, the other spots on the presumed route up the East Coast are: Colonial Williamsburg, Washington, D.C., The Liberty Bell, and the Statue of Liberty. Because if you ask an eight-year-old boy where he most dreams of going, he is definitely going to be dipping some beeswax candles and looking at some bells.

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