The L Word went to The Dinah in 2004, but not a lot has changed for the largest lesbian weekend in the world. In fact, the lessons we learned from the episode, “Looking Back,” are still relevant in 2019, so pay attention before you pack your bags for Palm Springs so you can be fully prepared.
1. Don’t go without your wife.
Especially if she’s back home working closely with a hot carpenter who she’ll “probably be bumping up against for the better part of a year.” (Obviously, this does not apply if you are non-monogamous. Go crazy!)
2. Dinah Shore isn’t gay—”she’s dead”—and she didn’t love being associated with lesbians.
As Alice says, “Actually, the word is that she hated her snooty little golf tournament turned into a spring break for lesbians.”
3. It’s imperative that you sing an Indigo Girls song at some point during the weekend.
“Closer to Fine,” specifically. (But, seriously, how did Jenny know all the words?)
4. Telling your coming out story is always fun car convo.
Unless your mom is there.
5. Don’t bring your mom with you.
6. Your fun largely depends on your friends.
If you are with people you love and trust, you will have the best time, no matter what else may happen. (Note: It’s best if none of them is your ex-girlfriend.)
7. There are tons of lesbians everywhere you look; try not to stare.
It’s quite an experience! Sadly, a rare one.
8. Pushy publicists shouldn’t really get in your way.
No Tonyas IRL, unless you’re trying to go after the talent. Which, probably don’t, except during scheduled meet-and-greets. (Kate Moennig will be there this year DJing. BONUS SHANE.)
9. Hot tip: Don’t get a pool-facing room at the host hotel.
Sure, it’s fun to look down on the party from the balcony, but when the sound check starts the next morning, you’ll regret it.
10. There will be SWAG
11. Hundred footers are just as prevalent as femmes in bikinis.
All kinds of gay women go to The Dinah, and some just happen to prefer sports bras. You just don’t see them advertised as much. Sex sells, even in Sapphic circles. (Say that three times fast.)
12. You don’t have to wear pink to the pink pussy party. (formerly known as the white party)
It’s not mandatory, but it’s part of the fun.
13. Everyone there will totally listen to the story of your first heartbreak.
Even if you’re drunk Jenny Schecter.
14. You might drunk dial your ex.
Hopefully, a friend will intervene.
15. Go-go dancers a-plenty.
Be respectful and they will flirt with you, even if they aren’t gay.
16. You might hook up with someone that you weren’t planning on.
Happens to the best of us, but it’s harder to ghost someone when you’re at the same parties all weekend. The convention center will suddenly feel really, really small.
17. You’ll have the best time back in your room with your friends.
Cheap beer, telling stories from the night, and one of you bemoaning, “Why is it so difficult to meet the right person? You know. All of your stories are about confusion and unfulfilled desire.”
18. The hotel hallways are a crazy party of their own.
Lesbians. Drunk lesbians everywhere. As Jenny says: “I’ve just never seen such debauchery in my whole life.I had so much tequila. I have no idea why I’m still standing right now. And then I had to, like, step over all these all these women bodies in order to get to this room, which was sort of crazy.”
19. You will be hungover.
And you might sleep in your clothes. It’s fine. (Make sure to drink lot’s of water.)
20. One of you will end up with a girlfriend.
And/or a date when you get back home. Sometimes it actually works out, too, and Dinah Virgins end up Dinah Couples, living happily-ever-after. But not on The L Word. Sorry, Tonya.