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“The Fosters” (3.18) recap “Can you feel me now?”

Previously on The Fosters, Mat is Romeo, Mariana is Juliet, and they can barely contain their love/hate while singing overwrought power ballads written by Brandon. Callie has teamed up with the sketchiest lady this side of Vico to make Fost and Found the next big thing (and if a few foster kids get screwed over in the process, well…bygones). Stef got cancer (stage not-Dana Fairbanks), had a double mastectomy and a lot of feelings but dear god, do not ask her about her feelings because she doesn’t want to talk about it, all right? Jesus tracked down his birth dad, but he isn’t allowed to hang out with him on account of Gabe being on the sex offender registry. Jude and Connor broke up because they are 13.

I watched “Legally Blonde” last night, so I think I’m qualified to represent Daphne.

Callie thinks Daphne deserves to have Tasha back. She’s worked hard, refrained from kicking Callie’s ass since that one time in juvie, and if Callie had a biological parent who cared about her, she would be with them. Well, unless you’re talking about Robert. The judge is willing to give Daphne a chance if she can get a job that will support her and Tasha within thirty days. She would also like Daphne to learn to fly.

Stef and Lena, their bedroom, getting ready for work: Stef is stomping around, bitching about having to go and get filled with saline every week. Why didn’t they just put the implants in when they did the mastectomy? Grumble, grumble, stomp, stomp. Lena has a thought, why not just skip the implants? Stef grumbles about how not having boobs will make her the butt of every joke at the precinct not to mention that will fuck up their sex life. Lena has an answer, and that answer is that she thinks Stef is hot with or without boobs, and she will have sex with her right that goddamn minute if Stef wants. As always, the problem is not with Lena; the problem is in Stef’s head.

Sex. Now.

Too butch? That’s not a real thing.

Mariana and Jesus interrupt (because of course). They have letters of support for Gabe from Ana, Victor, Elena, and the twins. They want Stef to deliver them because they aren’t allowed to go near him.

Mariana and Mat have dueling make-outs at the warehouse where Jesus is showing everyone just how little he learned at the construction site. Brandon wants Mat and Mariana to pretend to like each other and Mat responds by slut shaming Mariana. Come on, Mat! Nick sticks up for Mariana and Zoe decides to tell him that Mariana cheated on Mat. So much high school. Can we go back to the moms now?

Gabe can’t believe Ana, her parents, and the twins all wrote letters for him. Stef cuts to the chase-does he want to get to know the twins or not? He doesn’t know how to be a parent. They don’t need a parent, but Jesus wants to know Gabe if he’s up for it.

I’m deciding about whether I need boobs to feel like a woman, so I don’t actually have that much time to devote to you.

Callie and Rita broke up so she can’t interview Rita for her senior project. Apparently, Justina is the next best thing, so Callie asks her some questions. Turns out Justina’s best friend growing up was a foster kid. Little Lizzie was doing great until she was placed with her birth mom. Her birth mom couldn’t handle it, and Lizzie went back into the system. Those bastards wouldn’t even let Lizzie take her doll with her, the doll Justina gave her! This is Justina’s foster care advocate origin story. Callie wants to know if maybe Justina has a job for Daphne. Turns out Justina is totally okay with using Callie’s story to advance her nefarious purposes but she doesn’t have a job for Daphne.

Stef chaperones Gabe at the warehouse where he can help Jesus build sets that will actually hold up. Cortney stopped by to say hi to Brandon and gets to meet Stef as a bonus. Brandon is a terrible liar but tries to convince Stef that he and Cortney are just work buddies. Too bad Stef sees them making out in the parking lot. Don’t lie to your mom, dude.

Gabe is trying to salvage the pitiful set Jesus made while telling the story about how Ana getting pregnant basically ruined his life. He wanted her to have an abortion and laments that his being with her destroyed his life. Ouch, dude. Stef swoops in to take Jesus home, and Gabe sticks around to finish up.

I wish you were a puppy.

The moms are waiting for Brandon when he waltzes through the door in his Mr. Rogers sweater. They want to know if he’s dating Cortney and if they are having sex. He is indignant! How dare they! They dare because they are your moms, bucko. Also statutory rape is the thing, and maybe he should wait until he’s 18 to have sex with his older girlfriend. He storms off in a cloud of self-righteous teenager shouting. What a special little snowflake he is.

Mariana is talking to Callie about her boy problems, but Callie isn’t really paying attention. She is using Fost and Found to find Jude. Kidding, but where the fuck is that kid? She is trying to find Lizzie for Justina. Oh, Callie, your heart is so big. Instead, she finds Justina telling Lizzie’s story as if it is her own. When confronted with this, Justina admits that she didn’t get people’s attention when she told the truth, so she borrowed Lizzie’s story and told it as her own. Just like she’s using Callie’s to advance her own agenda. People use each other, she says. Callie is using her now to get Daphne a job. It’s all very icky, but I guess the good news is that Daphne has a job.

I’ve looked everywhere, and I can’t find Jude.

Lena wants to talk about boobs. Stef needs to know there are options out there, and support groups and she should go and be supported and talk about her feelings. Oh Lena, you beautiful, misguided woman. Stef doesn’t want to talk to people. She hates people. Lena doesn’t know how Stef feels or what she’s going through like these women do. How do you handle it when you can’t help the person you love most in the world? If you’re Lena, you call in people who can.

Brandon tells Mariana that he had sex with someone, and it was wrong. You have to put it behind you and move on. Callie thinks he’s talking about her. He’s not, he’s talking about Dani. When Callie talks to him about it, he blames himself. She understands the shame of it. She blamed herself for Liam, too. It kept her from having sex with Wyatt because it still felt so shameful to her. She doesn’t regret having sex with Brandon because it didn’t feel like that; she felt safe and cared for instead of afraid and ashamed. Even if it was wrong for them to have slept together, she doesn’t regret it for how it helped her heal.

If you are having a bad day, please watch this scene. I laughed so loudly while watching it a second time that I scared our dog. Teri Polo and Sherri Saum are so spectacular in this episode, but this scene shows just what fantastic comedic actors they are. Lena has invited a couple of breast cancer pals over to talk about boobs over coffee. It doesn’t take long before they are whipping off their shirts to give Stef and Lena a peek at what reconstruction and flat look like close up.

Where can I look?

Notions!

It does not end there, however. Karen asks if Stef wants to feel her boobs. Stef looks like a deer in the headlights. This is a trap, right? Nope. Stef gives them a feel and then Karen asks Lena if she wants to as well (should make staff meetings at Anchor Beach extra awkward). I loved the nod to the fact that Lena is going to be touching Stef’s boobs. Lesbian sexuality without the male gaze is just so nice.

Of course, Jesus walks in while Lena has got her hands all over the art teacher’s boobs. Lena yells, “It’s a medical thing! For mom!” Call it what you like, darling. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time.

Mariana tells Nick that cheating on Mat was a big mistake, and she regrets it. He asks her to promise that if she stops being into him that she will just tell him. He can take it and it’s better than being cheated on.

Rindy

Callie takes pictures of Daphne and Tasha at their supervised visit. Daphne is heartbroken just thinking about losing Tasha. Callie tells her about the job at Justina’s company. It will pay enough to take care of Daphne and Tasha.

Callie and Cortney walk out of one of Brandon’s nightmares and into the warehouse. Callie is going to take cast photos and Cortney is there to paint. Callie notices a Baby Superstore tag on Cortney’s keychain which can only mean one thing –#CallieKnows.

Jesus is being surly with Gabe because of what he said the day before. Gabe doesn’t peak teenager, so it takes him a minute to figure it out. He apologizes and asks that maybe next time he screw up if Jesus can just tell him instead of making him play the guessing game. Stef shows up to take Jesus home. Gabe is going to come back when all the minors are gone to keep working. Jesus thanks Stef for doing all of this for him. Such a closet softie, that Stefanie Marie Adams Foster. A big smushy marshmallow inside all that tough cookie shell.

Mariana and Mat rehearse their song again and end up making out with each other’s faces at the end. Brandon seems to be oblivious to the real sparks happening and thinks it’s all show: “Let’s rehearse it again!” he says. Oh, Brandon.

Lena’s in the kitchen, washing dishes when Stef walks in and starts talking to her. Nah, nothing happened today. Nothing new to report. When Lena finally looks up, she catches sight of Stef’s new haircut. Damn; she looks good.

Lena loves it. She can’t stop touching Stef’s hair and telling her how sexy she looks. Stef has always wanted to cut her hair, but she was so afraid people would think she was a dyke that she kept it long. She realized that boobs and long hair aren’t what make her a woman and if people can’t get past the short hair that’s their problem. She’s going to do this for herself. She’s going to look how she wants and fuck everyone else. Stef’s going to get the implants, though, because she sure loves having boobs. Speaking of fucking, Lena can’t keep her hands to herself. They run upstairs like a couple of teenagers.

I had short hair from when I was about three years old until I went to high school. I thought if I had long hair in high school no one would be able to tell that I was gay. I thought it would stop people asking me if I was a boy or a girl (as they had all during middle school). I thought it would stop the cruelty, the whispers, the conjecture about both my sex and my sexuality. It stopped people from telling me I was in the wrong bathroom. It stopped people asking what “it” was. They could see I was a girl, and that was good for a while.

In college, I came out, and I cut my hair. I thought I was so proud of who I was and so okay with being gay. I was and I wasn’t. So I grew it again.. I grew it into long, blond curls. About three years ago, I decided I wanted it short again. Sure, people would think I was a dyke, but I was finally okay with that assumption. I love having short hair. I love the way it looks and feels. But it took until I was about 32 to like the way it looked, the way it made me feel, and to truly be able to throw off the shit that comes with being a short haired lesbian. That’s a long time. A long time to be able to look in the mirror and think I look good and feel sexy. So I felt Stef in this scene. I am her in so many ways. I know what that voice sounds like in your head telling you that you have to follow some stupid set of rules to be a woman. That voice is an asshole.

One more thing, how refreshing to have conversations on a television show about two women who not only love each other but desire each other. They may not have a minute’s peace to actually have sex but here, on our screens, are a pair of moms who want each other. Women don’t stop wanting to have sex just because they are moms. It’s nice to see that reality on screen. I’ve said it a hundred times before but we are lucky to have these actresses, and their blistering chemistry, in these roles.

Anyway, they run upstairs to have sex and Mariana is at the warehouse looking for something she left behind. Gabe’s there working. She invites him to opening night. He doesn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable by being there. The cops show up, just when Gabe starts telling Mariana that maybe she got her singing voice from his mom. The alarm got triggered, and they want to see some ID. They cart Gabe off in handcuffs for being around a minor.

Next week: Brandon channels his inner Adam Lambert and wears all the eyeliner!

Here are a few of our favorite #GaydyBunch tweets from last night’s episode.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

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