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“Once Upon A Time” SnapCap (5.13): Hero to Zero

Hello again! Is it me, or is this the worst half-season of this show yet? And I’m including the torture that was Neverland. Well, let’s dive into the SnapCap, and try to find the root of the problem.

Synopsis

We’re still in hell. And so are our “heroes.” But for the first time, we see where Killian is. He’s in a dungeon, with a female prisoner. There’s a hellbeast keeping them there, so Hook distracts it and sends the girl to find Emma Swan.

Mary Margaret found a headstone for Hercules in the Underworld Graveyard, and she remembers meeting him for the first time. Flash back to Young Snow being tasked with stopping a bandit while her father is away. She runs away, overwhelmed, and falls in a hole, having to be saved by an insanely strong young lad.

Present-day Mary Margaret decides that Herc should be next on their list of souls to save. She thinks if they save him he can help them find Hook. Meanwhile, Regina sends Robin Hood and Henry off so she can be alone with Emma. They find blood, which leads them to the girl Hook set free.

They poof to the Charming Loft, and the girl tells them she can lead them to where Hook is, but there’s a three-headed monster in the way. Mary Margaret comes by and says they can defeat the beast, Cerberus; they just have to find Hercules first.

They go to Granny’s, where Regina sasses the hell out of the Blind Witch and gets her to tell them that Hercules works down by the docks. Mary Margaret goes to tell him that they need his help, and she pep talks him into helping.

Meanwhile, Hood and Henry are looking for maps in the mayor’s office when Henry runs into Cruella, who says that breaking the quill wasn’t permanent and that he, as the Author, can rewrite her story and bring her back to life. She uses the fact that it would make one of his moms not a murderer anymore as leverage to get him to help her.

Young Snow faces the Bandit (who, come to find out, was paid by Regina to make the princess look like a bad ruler) and fails the first time, but succeeds the second, inspiring her people.

Hades drops in to pay his guests a visit and threatens them all if they don’t get out, causing Mary Margaret to throw in the towel.

In what was probably the best part of the episode, Regina tells Mary Margaret to snap out of it and stop moping. If she can forgive Regina enough to make her a friend, she can do anything. She says they don’t need Mary Margaret right now. They need Snow White.

So Snow White grabs Hercules and the prisoner girl and heads toward the beast. They each take a weapon and a head and take the beast down. The girl almost passes out, then introduces herself as Megara. At which point I start ringing a bell and shouting SHAME at my television.

After it’s all over, Mary Margaret says that she doesn’t want to be Mary Margaret anymore. She’s ready to be Snow White full time. Regina is proud she made a difference.

Team Charming leads Hercules and Megara into the light. They say their goodbyes and head to Mt. Olympus. The clock ticks twice for two more souls saved.

Hades goes to Hook and tells him that as long as his friends keep meddling, Hook will pay the price. For every new soul saved, he’ll kill one, and Hook will have to decide who.

I mean I’m almost impressed at how hard this episode failed the Bechdel test. I kind of guessed this half of the season would usually fail, since it’s all about finding Hook, but this was extra impressive because it added retconning Snow White to credit a man (boy) for her badassery, and de-clawed one of the best animated heroines of all time. I knew the Hercules/Megara story wouldn’t be accurate as far as actual Greek mythology went, but I was hoping the characters would, at least, be a little like their Disney movie counterparts. And while Herc was charming and sweet, Megara LITERALLY WHIMPERED the entire episode. OG Megara would be ashamed.

Anyway, on to the photos:

SwanQueen Sound Bytes:

While running through the woods trying to find Hook, Regina stops Emma and says she has schematics and maps in her real office, so there might be some in her Underworld office, too. They make the plan without consulting Robin Hood, who at this point I’m pretty sure is only there to ensure Emma and Regina are alone together as infrequently as possible. Once they send him off, they’re alone for all of 30 seconds before they find Megara in the woods.

The two of them also talk in the Charming Loft, but Megara is there the whole time.

SwanQueen Screen Time:

Okay, this one is a stretch but tandem running is romantic, right?

And I know technically the back of Megara’s head is in this one, but they’re cute anyway.

At Granny’s, the two of them look like cuties on a date.

It’s super dark, but they were walking together in the mine on the way to find Cerberus.

Evil cleavage

Just one outfit this time, but with bonus smirk:

Dumbest thing one of the Two Idiots did:

Charming was pretty useless this episode, but, “Nobody’s better at tracking than Bandit Snow” was probably the dumbest thing he said. Because Ruby’s a literal wolf. So get out of here with your pretty lies, Charming.

Special Guests

Young Snow was pretty adorable in this episode.

Cruella de Vil was fabulous as ever, despite being super dead.

The Blind Witch was back.

Plus, as mentioned, we met Hercules and this white bread version of Megara. Hades also made a return appearance (as I’m sure he will continue to do).

Emma Swan, your gay is showing

I mean she didn’t even bother to ask this girl her name and she’s snuggling on the couch with her. And Lily was your “best friend” right? The kissing was “just practice”? Mmmhm.

Sassgina

Regina calling the Blind Witch a “child muncher” was almost the winner, but “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I move in with the Charmings,” won out because I love that she takes any opportunity to take a dig at the two idiots, even when they’re not around, and they’re literally in hell. Plus if you use your imagination, it’s one step closer to asking Emma to move in with her since she has way more room in her house (and her bed) for her than the Charmings do in their loft.

Mulan sightings

Still nothing. (I know IMDb lists her as being in 518, but I’m still gonna whine about it until it happens.)

What did you think of “Labor of Love”?

Here are some of our favorite #queerytales tweets from this week:

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

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