“The Family” recap (1.1): Meet The Warrens


Maybe-Adam wakes up with Claire asleep in the chair next to his bed. He stealthily gets up.

Willa goes to church.

Police close in through the woods.

Maybe-Adam, downstairs in the dark, watches footage of Young Adam’s birthday over and over. Young Adam says “I want a big piece! I want the frosting!” over and over.

The police burst into a cabin! It’s just a dumb bong party. A woman hilariously says “I thought you said it was legal now!” In Maine?

Willa starts her confession. It’s been 10 years since she’s confessed truthfully.

In the dark, Maybe-Adam practices saying “I want a big piece! I want the frosting!” Eeeeeeeeek.

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Ten years ago, young Meyer grills Hank. Hank says he didn’t take that ship in the bottle. He paid his fine, and he registered as a sex offender. Uh oh, Meyer has his computer, which is full of child porn. Andrew McCarthy is so good at being vile. Hank says he looks at child porn but he doesn’t act on it as though that makes it okay. Meyer works on him, telling him he can’t help being that way (honestly, we get into some pretty uncomfortable “born this way” territory) and how she can help him… If only he’ll tell her what he did. She says he’ll get sentenced to death if she lets the prosecutors make him into a monster. But if he confesses, she’ll protect him.

“There is no God,” Meyer tells him, “because if there was, why would he make something like you?”

Present day, Meyer drinks straight from a bottle as she looks at the evidence. John arrives, and she tells him to go. He says he’s married to a machine, and his boy isn’t the same, so he needs to help her find the monster.

Meyer says she’s the monster. She railroaded the wrong man into jail, and she stopped looking for Adam and said their son was dead. Every scar on Adam is due to her. John says she saved him, John, and suddenly he and Meyer are kissing their faces off HEY DON’T DO THAT ON THE EVIDENCE!

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OK, so far I’m not crazy about the treatment of Bridey, but overall this show is agreeably screwed up.

Claire helps Maybe-Adam tie his tie. She wants it to be Really Adam so bad.

Time for an announcement! Mayor Claire is set up in front of a flag that’s roughly the size of an Olympic swimming pool. She says she’s all about family and she and her family got a happy ending with Adam coming home, but that’s not the norm. So she wants to increase child protection laws! She’s announcing her candidacy for Governor of Maine! Surprise! Oh, man, John really thought she wouldn’t do this and he haaates this so much. (OK, but really, John, you don’t bring out the Super Deluxe flag for a non-candidacy.) Why are ruthless politicians named Claire so awesome?

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In the crowd, Hank watches Claire. Meyer watches Hank.

Meanwhile, back at The Red Pines Tribune, Editor Gus bitches at Bridey. They’re getting smoked by the other papers. Oh, but she has a scoop. And a hell of a scoop it is. Remember that DNA test on Maybe-Adam? The one that convinced the family and the police and set Hank free? That one? That fairly important DNA test?

Bridey just found out that the doctor who verified Adam’s DNA test doesn’t exist. BaBAM!

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Back where we started the episode, Meyer is looking at the ship in the bottle–the pedophile’s prints were on it, but not the kid’s. Just like someone wiped it for her to find.

Meanwhile, a possibly craggy-faced man buys a paper about the case and drives off in a muddy old truck.

OK! Lots to think about as this settles into a Sunday night schedule. Let’s generate some truly nutball fan theories and hope that Bridey has more trouble to stir up next week.

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