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“Just Jillian” recap (1.7): Minister Michaels

On this week’s episode of Just Jillian, Jillian comes home to find a huge scratch on her son Phoenix’s face, because another boy hit him at school. Like most parents, Jillian is not happy about this news (apparently this is not the first time her son has been hurt by another kid at school) and begins to lecture the two-year-old that next time someone hits him, he has her permission to hit them back. Heidi is not on board with this idea and Jillian tells a story about her childhood bully named Kim Tepper and how once Jillian went to karate and stood up to her, Kim never messed with her again. This story is clearly going right over Phoenix’s head-and I think Heidi’s too. Jillian promises Phoenix that she is going to take him back to karate in hopes he will learn how to defend himself.

Later, Jillian is given the daunting task of taste testing some food that is going to be in her new healthy grab-and-go meal line, Slim Soul. (I would love to sit around and try a bunch of food all day!) Jillian is mostly happy with the food she has tried, except one dish that does not sit well with her-but everyone else loves it. Of course, Jillian is not OK with being out-numbered and requests that the consumers are given a chance to try this meal to see what they think. Clearly her crew has no idea what good food tastes like.

Once the taste testing ends, Jillian needs to get ready to go to the PETA Awards with Heidi, where she is being given the Animals in Entertainment Award for her activism against animals being used in entertainment, such as elephants in the circus and whales at Sea World. Bravo, Jillian! She dedicates the award to all of her animals, which consists of about 30 total, thanks to Heidi.

ICYMI, Jillian’s friend Andy asked her to officiate her wedding back in the first episode, meaning Jillian must become ordained. While Jillian is looking over the 60-page book she must get acquainted with, she proudly shows Heidi her “clergy” badge and her minister card, which looks more like something used at a casino. Heidi, of course, brings up the fact that maybe after Jillian officiates this wedding, her idea of marriage will change and then they can get married themselves.

Jillian and Heidi take Phoenix to his karate lesson. He’s very excited, but I think Jillian might be even more excited. Maybe the fact that she is a black belt has something to do with it. Jillian is no longer allowed to talk to any of the teachers or parents at the school, per Heidi’s request. Apparently last year she told someone at her daughter’s school (who was having similar issues with a bully) that if they “don’t step in and handle this shit, I will take care of it myself, and you don’t want that.” Can you imagine how terrifying that was for the other parents? I mean I am on her side on this one, but dear God, if Jillian Michaels were going off on me about something, I would most likely pee my pants. I am sure that kid never messed with Lu again.

Meanwhile, Heidi thinks it’s a good idea to invite the kid who is messing with Phoenix on a playdate to try and help them to get along.

But first, Jillian, Heidi, the kids and Giancarlo go to the taste testing event at Ralph’s. It turns out most people agree like the Slim Soul dish Jillian hated-but they did not like the amount of swearing Jillian was doing. As a person who incorporates swearing into her daily verbiage, I see nothing fucking wrong with this.

The next day Heidi, Jillian, Giancarlo, the kids and Phoenix’s bully Roman all head to a pumpkin patch for some Halloween fun. The best part about this, is they are literally the only people in costumes, which happens to be the whole Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles clan, including Jillian as Splinter and Giancarlo as Shredder. After a great afternoon with the kids all getting along, Jillian admits to Heidi that having the boys play together was a good idea, and she was right. (!!!)

The time has come for Jillian to put her wedding officiant training to use. She starts by making her best friend cry when telling her there is still time to run away and asking why she would make this horrible decision. Although the awkward comments and jokes were a bit of a rocky start, Jillian ended up making it a unique and fun ceremony for her friend, and that’s all that matters.

The wedding, though, has only made Heidi want to get married even more, and Jillian is just not having it. In a preview for next week’s episode, Jillian acknowledges that if she doesn’t embrace the idea of marriage, she may lose Heidi.

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