“The Fosters” recap (3.14): You Are My Home


Previously on The Fosters, AJ and Ty ran away, but Stef tracked them down because she can’t do a damn thing about the ticking time bomb, cancer gene he has but she can sure as hell bust some people. Sharon decided to stick around while Stef has surgery.  Callie got catfished by Jack, Brandon flirted with the cute bartender, Mariana got the role of Juliet in Mat and Brandon’s rock opera, and Jesus decided to stalk his birth dad.

Callie bounces up to the guard at juvie and asked to see AJ. Sorry Larry, Piper doesn’t want to see you.

Fosters 3141fosters 3142 I can’t believe he’s mansplaining boobs to lesbians.

Stef and Lena have an appointment with the surgeon to talk about how he is going to remove her breasts so they don’t kill her. Stef isn’t paying attention as he drones on about her nipples. I imagine this is how she got through the years she was married to Mike. She’s imagining diving into a pool. Naked. I’ll pause for a second for you all to take that in.

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Okay, back with me? Stef and Lena get home, and Sharon wants to know everything. How did it go? When is the surgery? Is she getting bigger boobs after? Slow your roll, Sharon. Lena suggests that maybe it’s time to tell the kids. The biggest joke is the idea that anyone can keep any secrets in this house. Stef wants to wait until they know when the surgery is happening because the kids haven’t quite reached peak panic yet.

Fosters 3144Lachlan told me he deleted this!

Mariana stomps into the kitchen and asks if Lena is screwing Monte. It was one kiss! Well, one kiss and some emotional cheating! But it was certainly nothing like this.

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Mariana promises a counter campaign on Twitter to drown out the retweets. She comes up a terrible hashtag (which makes me think she was the one behind the ABC Family hashtag generator). Stef wants to ignore it all because she has CANCER for fuck’s sake but, of course, Lena’s phone starts ringing. Not now, Monte! Callie tells Stef off for ruining her friendship with AJ. It’s turning into a banner day at the Adams Foster house. 

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