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“Work Out New York” recap (1.8): Heartbreaker

Guess who is a truly terrible person? Any ideas?

IT’S JOE! JOE LAZO, TERRIBLE HUMAN. Let’s get that into some search engines.

Remember how last week we still weren’t sure if Joe was texting Courtney’s clients because he hadn’t confirmed it? Well this week, he had no qualms about admitting to it because he’s THE WORST.

But let’s start with Holly because last episode she went on a date with her ex, Sam, and was sweet talking her about a future together. And this week, in true anti-U-Haul form, she’s telling her client, David, that she’s worried Sam wants a relationship because of course she does.

“You’re complicated,” he says, which is the nice way of saying, “Holly, you in danger, girl.”

After David leaves, Holly sits and talks with a teary-eyed Lindsay, who is still Team Joe. Holly explains how hurt Courtney was that Lindsay accused him of faking a text. “You can’t be friends with everybody,” Holly says. Hopefully, she remembers that later when she’s BREAKING SAM’S HEART.

Noah invites all of the trainers to a boxing gym, which seems both therapeutic and dangerous when half of the group is mad at the other.

“If you wanna dance this dance, you better be ready to dance with the stars,” Joe says, and then I threw up.

Holly and Lena, meanwhile, are partners in a workout where they must crawl under the other. But that fun only lasts so long, because Courtney confronts Joe and a shouting match ensues. Holly, Layla, Lena and Jay try to stop Courtney from getting more heated and hitting Joe, but Noah and Lindsay stand on the other side, fittingly deemed “Toto and the Scarecrow” by Courtney. The Scarecrow must be Noah because he leaves. And then Holly makes a speech about how you can only play the middleman for so long, keeping the peace until you have to make a stand.

The next day, Holly and Courtney meet out in the cold to talk about Noah’s douchey moves. “He dipped!” Holly says, which is sad because she has known him a long time. Now she doesn’t want him to co-lead a CorePower event she’s already asked him to help with. She feels like she’s already asked him to be more self-aware and to be a team player (she has), but he hasn’t followed through.

It’s time for the Core Power Event and Holly decides that she will not give Noah a mic, but she WILL give Courtney one for some witty banter. Sorry, Scarecrow! This is a test to see if he can be a supporter and not the star. But wait!

Oh shit. Sam greets Holly all sweaty post-workout ready to talk. It seems they have not spoken to since their last date. Awkward convo time!

Holly says she’s been really busy: “I’ve been consumed with life and work and stuff. I just uh….I’m just no closer. I’m just, mmmm, same space.”

Sam wants to know why Holly told her she was ready for a relationship. “It lasted a day,” Sam says. Holly said she believed she was ready but she’s not. She offers to walk Sam off, and they go into the stairwell where Sam starts to cry. Holly said she had good intentions, but she can’t do it right now. “I really loved you all these years,” Sam says. Oof.

This is getting too real for all of the lesbians watching right now.

Moving on, there’s a party where Lindsay and Noah talk about how much they can’t stand the drama, but won’t stop talking about the drama. STRAIGHT PEOPLE! Cameras really change some people.

Holly explains to Noah why he’s acting like a douche. “I didn’t choose any side,” Noah says. “YOU SHOULD,” Holly retorts. Courtney breaks it down: If the shoe were on the other foot, he would be on Noah’s side, supporting him. The right choice is not always the easy one, but sometimes IT REALLY IS. This is pretty cut and dry. Noah and Courtney apologize to one another and squash it once and for all. (Hopefully.)

And for their last act, all trainers (minus Joe the Hoe) do a polar plunge while telling the camera what they learned about themselves throughout the season. “Do I need balance in my life? Yes, that’s for sure,” Holly says. “But I don’t know if a relationship’s the answer,” Holly says. “Maybe I should spend more time with my friends.”

Somewhere I hope Sam is live subtweeting this episode like any ex-girlfriend would. In other news, it looks like Holly is still single if you love a non-committal ghoster with a hot bod!

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