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“Call the Midwife” holiday special gives us hope for Patsy and Delia

There are so many things to love about British television, but holiday specials are one of my favorites (the other being Jennifer Saunders, but that’s a different article altogether). So imagine my delight when I found out that Call the Midwife was returning over Christmas! It’s a holiday miracle!

When we last left Nonnatus House, Trixie had attended her first AA meeting, Fred and Violet got married, and Patsy’s life was shattered when her lover Delia got amnesia from a bike accident. Ugh, that was the worst. Wear your bike helmets, lesbians!

We open with the sisters and midwives cooking Christmas pudding. Sister Monica Joan seem unwell, and let me say this right now: if they kill off Sister MJ I will literally throw my television out the window. That woman is a delight. Please don’t kill her off.

Over at the church, Shelagh and Dr. Turner watch as the children’s choir butchers a holiday song. These kids sound rough. Joining them at the church is Iris, who lost her baby daughter years ago, and since then she’s been cleaning the church and helping out the sisters. Her niece Rosemary is due to give birth to twins.

Did someone call for a depressing storyline?

Later that night, Sister Monica Joan collapses and the Christmas pudding overcooks and explodes all over the kitchen. MJ is feverish and delirious and is immediately put on bed rest. Later on, Barbara, Trixie, and Patsy are writing Christmas cards, and Patsy reveals that she’s sending one to Delia (sob). She’s been writing her letters, but she hasn’t received any response. Later on, Patsy looks at some photos of Delia and is sad.

Whelp, looks like the only thing I’ll be licking this holiday season are these fucking envelopes

Nurse Crane watches over MJ, who refuses to rest in bed and instead keeps talking about her mother and her childhood. Sister Julienne brings her some family heirloom jewelry to cheer her up, because giving valuables to delirious people is always a great idea. Meanwhile, Pastor Tom receives a letter from the BBC: they want to film Poplar’s Christmas services and air them live across the nation! MJ is excited, because now maybe Nonnatus House can get a television set. Guys, Monica Joan loves TV and cake. We’re basically the same person.

However, the sisters of Nonnatus house do not share MJ’s excitement and consider filming in a church to be sacrilegious at worst and tacky at best. With approval from the local bishop, they hesitantly agree to the broadcast, as well as a children’s choir and a nativity scene with a newborn baby. Once they’ve agreed, we meet Mr. Swann, the BBC producer/former child actor who is ready to spruce up the church and the midwives. Swann is not impressed with the dingy, working-class aesthetic of Poplar, and calls Iris “Missus Mop,” which is a real dick move.

I want a show so Christmassy it’ll make Bing Crosby look Jewish!

Shelagh and Iris take it upon themselves to ready the church for the broadcast, so they post fliers for children’s church choir auditions. Meanwhile, MJ is feeling restless and tries to decorate the house for Christmas. She gets shot down because apparently Nonnatus house rules state that decorations can only be put up the week of Christmas. Sister Evangelina gives her shit, too, for her wealthy upbringing and obsession with tinsel. What a Grinch. I’m no expert on religion, but if this poor old lady wants some tinsel and a TV, then maybe let her have it-get her a bouncy castle made of peppermint marshmallows as well!

This tinsel will surely brighten up that gloomy old crucifix!

Rosemary’s water breaks and Iris watches on as the midwives do their thing and help birth the twins. The babies are healthy, but elsewhere in Poplar, there are the beginnings of a measles outbreak. That night, the midwives take the local children on a bus tour to see the Christmas lights of London, along with Fred dressed as Santa Claus. Everyone’s laughing and smiling and enjoying lollipops when Patsy looks out the window and comes face to face with-Deliawho looks at her like she remembers her! Stop the bus! Delia’s mom asks why she looks so strange, and Delia assures her that she feels fine. Her mother tells her they’ll have a lovely Christmas together before saying goodbye to London forever.

Hello from the other side

I must have called a thousand times

Iris visits Violet’s shop to pick up diaper pins and enters the holiday raffle, which is stocked with items for newborn babies. Iris is happy for her niece but still mourns to loss of her daughter Lorna. As Violet comforts her, she says she wishes she had given her baby girl a happier name.

Back at Nonnatus House, MJ has disappeared, along with her jewelry. Where did she go? Will she throw the jewels off the deck of a ship like that old lady in Titanic? The women panic and call the police. The show must go on, however, so Iris and Shelagh continue with the choir auditions. Timmy plays piano while the children sing, and finally, they have what sounds like a decent choir.

This is the worst rendition of Hotline Bling I’ve ever heard]

The cops find MJ’s shoes and wimple, but no sign of her. Everyone is upset, but no one more so than Evangelina, who feels terribly guilty about her fight with MJ. She rushes out of the house and buys a Christmas tree, decorating it with tinsel and tears in her eyes.

Delia finds Patsy and they go to their favorite coffee shop. Apparently Delia sent Patsy several letters, but her mother never posted them. Patsy wonders if Delia’s mom suspected anything, but she assures her that her mother just thinks they’re work friends. Delia is in London for some medical tests and rehabilitation, and is desperate to get back to her job and her life with Patsy, but she has to be medically cleared for work first. I was seriously worried the showrunners would just kill off Delia or, I don’t know, have the head injury turn her straight or something, but she is back and ready to pick up where she left/lezzed off. It’s a Christmas miracle!

I’m ready to pick up where we left off…in bed!

I’m so glad I didn’t throw out those sex toys!

Some fisherman find the body of a dead older woman in the Thames and Nonnatus house braces for the loss. Sister Julienne and Evangelina go to check the body, but it’s not MJ! They agree to give the anonymous woman a proper burial and continue to pray for MJ’s safe return. Meanwhile, we check in with MJ, who is huddled in a barn talking about cakes with a rat. Can’t say I’m surprised?

Dr. Turner reports the measles outbreak to the Board of Health, and Poplar gets orders for quarantine. This includes the children’s choir, which means the BBC doesn’t have an act for its broadcast. Swann is all upset and wants the show to go on, but he agrees to let Shelagh try to figure something out. That “something” is rallying the nuns and midwives to sing Silent Night on the telly.

MJ makes her way to a stately old manor, her childhood home. She walks in to find some peaceniks squatting in her house while they protest a nuclear weapons base. The Peaceniks give her a blanket and some tea, and she reveals that her birth name is Antonia. She talks about the fights her family used to have and remembers her mother’s disapproval of her faith. MJ tells them that she was born in this house and intends to die in it. She refuses their offer of a doctor or some lentil risotto (LOL) but willingly eats their cake.

Shove your vegan food and bring me some biscuits already!

Nurse Crane is gargling with brandy to ready her voice for singing while Trixie begs to give Barbara a makeover. Evangelina still feels guilty about MJ, but after talking with Nurse Crane, the dime drops and she realizes where MJ is. Evangelina flags down Fred and demands he drive her to the manor home.

Iris is hit with stomach pains on the day of rehearsal and is taken to Dr. Turner. She thinks that her kidney stones have returned but SURPRISE! She’s pregnant and giving birth like, now. Iris gives birth to a healthy baby girl and names her Joy. She is overcome with emotion but worried since they haven’t a single thing for the baby at home.

The O.G. I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!

Evangelina finds MJ and prays with her. Is this Last Rites?! Not yet, she’s taking MJ home to Nonnatus House! MJ tells her she pawned her family jewels and now has enough money for them to take a taxi. Violet bribes Fred with some cheese to help her rig the raffle so that Iris wins the baby bundle.

Patsy meets Delia at the phone booth, where Delia tells her that she’s improving but still not cleared for work yet. Delia refuses to go home, telling Patsy that her life is in Poplar with her. They almost kiss but they’re interrupted by some butthole standing outside the booth. Boo on him, but yay on romantic lesbian reunion!

Locked in a glass case of lesbian tension

The BBC broadcast is filmed with the nuns and midwives singing together. Baby Joy gets to play the manger baby, and Sister MJ uses her money to buy the house a television set and some new Christmas pudding. Merry Christmas, Nonnatus House!

FINALLY we can all get together and watch “Carol”!

A queer happy ending really is the best holiday gift of all, isn’t it? I’ll see you again in the spring for season 5, but in the meantime, here’s a promo (with a split second glimpse of Delia and Patsy in a crazy hat):

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

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