“Top Chef: California” recap (13.4): Desert Hearts


That night, the chefs have the run of a resort and it looks a little bit like a subdued version of Chefs Gone Wild. Glasses feels like he’s surrounded by a bunch of bros, and it feels a lot like high school. He’s worked in really macho kitchens, and it’s just not his style at all. Glasses is my favorite white dude.

img2Just a bunch of guys making human soup.

The next day, the judges tee off as the chefs drive around in golf carts and start cooking. Padma is adorably terrible at golf, so y’all know I’m swooning hard over here. The first course is ceviche vs. ceviche, and while they’re both good, Karen and Baldy 1 seem to edge out Kwame and Beardy, partially because they kept the dish colder.

The teams’ next courses also end up being pretty—similarshrimp vs. shrimp. Grayson and Angelina’s dish was only okay, and José wishes they had left the corn raw for freshness. Glasses and Marjorie’s shrimp was fresher and tastier. The next course is pork vs. beef. Wesley and Boston guy’s pork beats Amar and Giselle’s beef – which feels like a few different dishes on the same plate.

The dessert course is Bunhead vs. Cajun. Bunhead seems to spend most of his cooking time complaining about the wind. Cajun’s grapefruit and tequila sabayon is better than Bunhead’s coconut pudding with foam. Also, Bunhead plates underneath a fucking blanket “because of the wind.” Seems like everyone else was able to handle the exact same wind, so IDK man. The only good thing to come out of Bunhead’s idiocy is that it made Padma smile and the angels sang down to us from heaven.


The blue team wins the challenge, which only kind of sucks because that means Bunhead can’t go home. It’s awesome because Karen and Baldy 1 have the best dish! Yay Karen, you keep on repping queer ladies, girl! The judges loved Baldy 1’s idea to serve over the dish over ice, so he takes the win.


The orange team didn’t perform terribly, but the worst dish by far was Grayson and Angelina’s shrimp. Grayson defends the dish, but Tom tells her that there were too many fatty elements on the plate. Grayson kind of talks herself into a hole re: the corn situation. Angelina’s shrimp wasn’t that great either, though.

Tom tees up the elimination with some sweet golf analogies (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?), and then Padma delivers the news: Grayson is packing her knives and going home and she is pissed about it. I totally see where she’s coming from—I think Angelina has been almost eliminated in every challenge so far—but she hasn’t had a great showing this season either. Here’s hoping she can pull through over on Last Chance Kitchen.

Next week on Top Chef: Padma calls Chrissy Teigen “sweet, succulent, and sticky” and we all die.

img5RIP all of us.

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