Previously on Jane the Virgin, Sin Rosestro kidnapped Mateo, but Michael got him back by trading him for a broach full of secrets. Rafael was the worst, but not as bad as Petra who turkey basted herself with Rafael’s sperm. Luisa and Juicy fought about Rose, and Luisa ruined an important meeting by having a lesbian meltdown. Jane continued to be one of the best characters on television.
This week, our faithful narrator takes us back in time to when Jane and Michael were dating and she tried to be into the things he was into. She had to draw the line at a ridiculous camping trip during a heatwave, and Michael drew the line at a make out sesh because Jane stunk to high heaven. Flash forward, and it’s been days since Jane has taken a shower and things are getting ripe. Xiomora and Abuela try to ease her in, but Jane changes her mind and takes a nap instead.
Afterwards, Xiomora gives Jane a reality check and some ribbing about her two boyfriends. If you thought Rafael and Michael were about to embark on a bromance, think again. The two men offer to take Jane out to lunch to get her out of the house and into the fresh air. This should be fun.
Petra is getting acupuncture when Scott decides to confront her about the sperm theft again. Scott wants a big promotion and Petra needs to convince Rafael of this or Scott spills the beans.
Also in hot water are Rogelio and Xiomora, who are being sued by the Vegas promoters for skipping their show for Mateo’s birth. In order to drop the suit, they want the couple to perform on a cruise ship, a thought which practically gives Rogelio hives. Xiomora however, has a sensible head, and decides they must attend the meeting about the cruise ship.
While Michael and Rafael grumble at each other over lunch, Jane escapes to the bathroom to change Mateo. There she is visited by the imaginary Bachelorette Jane, with rose and champagne in hand.
BJane wants actual Jane to make a decision between the two men, but before she can get too far, Jane sees a woman who looks just like Rose from the back.
Relax, lesbians and Luisa, it’s just a lady with red hair. It’s enough to make Jane unsettled though, which she tells the men when she returns to the table. Michael decides to let Jane know that Rose very likely had surgery and could pretty much look like anyone now. Cue Jane’s freak out, and a room full of Bridget Regans. You’re welcome.
When Jane returns home, BJane asks her all these questions about which guy she’d take hiking on a fjord and to a desert island. Jane is so over is when the band practice starts next door, that she takes it as an opportunity to escape her peppy imaginary friend. She takes Mateo next door when she finds Kesha, and her bandmate. Jane tries to sweetly convince them not to have band practice until 11, but they bring up the fact that Mateo starts screaming at six am so they are pretty much calling this even.
At the hotel, Luisa is trying to learn how to be a hotelier like her brother, but she’s kind of terrible at it. How’d she get through medical school? Petra takes the moment to talk to Rafael about Scott’s promotion, and surprisingly he’s open to it and asks for his resume. As they leave, we see the tall, bald guy from last week’s episode. The one who works for the mysterious Swedish woman. Well, he’s checking in, y’all.
Poor Jane can’t help seeing Rose everywhere, even in her dreams. Michael, knowing Jane is freaked out, brings over a security system to install and give her some peace of mind. When Michael suggests the code word could be giraffe, Jane flashes back to that night they went camping and Michael whittled her a giraffe. While lying in the tent, Jane worries that Michael will decide that something about Jane is a deal breaker, like the fact that her abuela is undocumented. Michael promises it isn’t. Flashback to the future where BJane tells Jane she needs to figure out how Michael fits into her life now. She lets Michael hold the baby and it turns out he’s kind of a natural. He also spend a summer babysitting his baby nephew when he was younger. They never really got to talk much about baby stuff when they were together, so now’s the chance.
Lachlan (booooo!) shows up in Rafael’s office and offers him and Petra a deal. He’ll give them some fast tracking info on the land they want to buy to block another hotel, in exchange for letting him out of his contract and a fat bonus. Although he’s about as trustworthy as a snake, no offense to snakes, Rafael considers it.
After Michael installs the security system, it starts snowing drywall and it’s somehow really romantic. Before they can kiss, Jane sends him away. BJane thinks that Michael is the one, but Jane doesn’t want to shortchange Rafael in this decision. (I agree with BJane, Jane.)
At the cruise ship meeting, Rogelio is not having a good time. They want the couple to perform in cheesy sailor suits while tourists fill up on crab legs and prime rib. He storms off dramatically, but he can’t really leave because the ship has left the dock. Oops. Hope they packed a bag.
Xiomora Skypes from the cruise ship to let Jane know that they got the times wrong and are now on their way to an unplanned Cuban vacation. Meanwhile, the band is waging war on Jane. They have their amps pointed towards her, and it’s on.
During a breakfast meeting at the hotel, the bald man watches as Petra and Rafael try to decide if they should go with Lachlan’s intel. For some reason, Luisa keeps texting Rafael while she’s sitting next to him. She’s trying to tell him she thinks Petra is preggers. Rafael thinks she might be right, and tells Jane. They both breathe a sigh of relief thinking that Petra will shift her focus to the baby and the baby daddy. Little does Rafael know. BJane appears and tells her to get moving, so Jane asks Rafael if she and Mateo can stay at his place that night. He’s delighted. Then Jane steals the neighbor’s amp. Serves them right for leaving it on the porch. Not that I’m condoning thievery, but I’ve had noisy neighbors, so I’m making an exception this time.
When Jane arrives, I have to admit, Rafael is on point. The place is all set up for Jane and Mateo, and Jane is pleased he’s taking this daddy business seriously.
Stuck on the ship, Rogelio and Xiomora have nothing else to do but perform and honor their contract. Rogelio is dying a little inside but Xio is in her element. As someone who has done her share of dinner theatre, this is not inaccurate. Just look at the horror on his face.
Turns out the chocolate fountain is the real applause getter, but Xio manages to shied Rogelio from seeing it and back in their cabin, they make sweet post-performance love.
Jane and Rafael bond over fries, like you do, and gush about how cute their baby is. (Accurate.) When Jane asks Rafael what he truly wants, he doesn’t make things any easier for her. He wants a life and a family with her and Mateo. He professes his love for Jane, but she hesitates. BJane is in the backseat, telling Jane to go for it, but she’s torn. She’s also still haunted by nightmares of Sin Rosetro. Poor Jane.
Enjoying the afterglow of their “performance,” Xiomora and Rogelio have a heart to heart. Well, as much as one can have with Rogelio. They talk about what went wrong the first time around and how they are still crazy in love. They consider not getting their quickie marriage annulled after all.
Rafael, not trusting Lachlan, got a second opinion about the property and it’s in an erosion zone so they won’t be bidding. Because time is closing in on Petra, she makes it sound like Scott also knew that and that’s why he should get the promotion. Rafael thinks that Scott is actually the father of Petra’s baby, so he agrees to the promotion gladly.
The police show up at Jane’s over the amp, and poor Abuela is freaked out because they want to see her papers. Jane manages to convince the cops that she’ll settle the dispute, but she could have really caused issues for Abuela that not even Michael could help her with. Damnit, Kesha.
In order to convince the neighbors not to press charges and make up for their missed gig, Jane books them at the hotel for two weeks. Yay, problem solved. Then the alarms start blaring. Rafael accidentally set it off and Michael just happened to be in the neighborhood. They of course start arguing and both men ask Jane to tell the other how she feels. Guess what. She’s in love with both of them. Time to explore polyamory on JtV! Neither guy is happy with this news however, so that went out the window.
Jane, Xiomora and Abuela chat via Skype about the guys and making decisions. Abuela decides to apply for a green card even though she’s scared it might be denied. It’s time to stop living in fear.
Michael calls Jane because he’s feeling guilty, thinking that Mateo’s kidnapping was his fault since Rose knew that he’d do anything for Jane. Jane admits that when she met Rose all those months ago, she rescued Jane from an asshole customer giving her crap about a bottle of wine, and saw the tension between Jane and Michael. That’s when Jane spilled everything about them and their relationship.
Michael asks Jane if she would remember the bottle because it could be a clue to finding Rose.
Xiomora decides that she and Rogelio should go through with the annulment after all, and try actually dating each other for a while. Rogelio has issues with relationships after having his heart broken by his ex, and Xiomora doesn’t want to keep making the same mistakes. Rogelio agrees.
So Jane does indeed remember the wine bottle and it’s Swiss. That means that whoever Rose was before she was Rose had some connection there…or has one currently. Here I was thinking she was Swedish. Sin Rosestro is Swiss! Also, she orders that the bald man kidnap Luisa just as she was about to save the day and tell Rafael and Petra that the file Lachlan gave them was forged.
So Michael tells Jane that he thinks she’s just in love with the idea of having a family with Rafael, and Rafael is ready to commit, so Jane is left with more questions than when she started. She also finds a way to give BJane the boot. A girl’s gotta have some quiet time to think.
Lachlan, we should have known, had something up his sleeve. He gave Rafael a dummy number for the planning commission and his new employers were able to buy the property really cheap. Now they are going to lose their ocean view. Dammit, Lachlan. Oh and now Rafael knows about the sperm stealing. He looks unsettled.
Aaaaaand Petra is indeed pregnant. Welp, that’s not going to screw anything up now is it?
