“Once Upon a Time” recap (5.03): The Forest of Eternal Manpain


Meanwhile, Arthur gives David a new knight outfit and they talk about the round table and how all the chairs are the same except one, which used to belong to Lancelot, before he jousted with Guinevere and got kicked out of Camelot. David tells Arthur that he and Snow White met Lancelot once, but that they heard he died. Arthur takes David to see his reliquary, and they take out the Unquenchable Flame to use in the Forest of Eternal Night, even though Henry’s iPod probably had a flashlight app on it.

The present-day bros inspect the broken into reliquary and see it was not broken into by magic, and even though he doesn’t know who took it, David thinks he knows what the thief would do next.

At Granny’s, Hook and Hood talk about cell phones and sonograms and what it’s like to be beards that no one cares about anymore. Granny gives Hook a bag of food with instructions on it to meet Emma on the Jolly Roger.

On the boat, Emma plays sweet and apologizes for overreacting and she wants to have a meal together like old times. She even changes outfits to get him to trust her.

OUAT 503-4So, the powdered wig look is a CHOICE, then?

Present-day Arthur and David go to Belle at Gold’s Shop and ask if someone tried to pawn a magic bean, or anything else that looks Cameloty. I honestly forgot this was a shop and not just a warehouse for plot point artifacts, but either way, no one has been in there for actual business since its existence. David borrows a random old-looking cup and brings it out to the people of Camelot stranded in Storybrooke Forest. He holds it up, calls it the Cup of Vengeance, and says everyone will drink until they find the thief. Arthur’s squire runs for his life, proving his guilt, and David and Arthur chase him. Despite making a slew of terrible choices, they somehow manage to catch him.

Hook and Emma talk on the Jolly Roger, Emma saying she’s different but better, just like how Rumple was a poor unfortunate soul, but then became a badass sparkly monster who found true love. Hook says that of the two men on the ship when Hook pressed THIS HERE SWORD into Rumple’s neck, Hook got better, Rumple got worse.

OUAT 503-5Don’t know what’s funnier, that Emma thought it would be this easy to fool Hook, or that it was.

Hook knows Emma needs something, that she wasn’t calling this meeting genuinely, but Emma just asks him if he loves her. He says loved, past tense, and she poofs away.

In the Forest of Eternal Night, David eventually finds the toadstool and then IMMEDIATELY loses it. Why they keep giving him important things to do is beyond me. Arthur helps him find it and they talk about their feelings and eventually give up and go back to the castle. There, Arthur decides to reward David for doing literally nothing useful and grants him the empty seat at the round table.

In Storybrooke, as they arrest the squire, he swears he never saw a magic bean, but he did steal the rest of the stuff because he was sick of serving Arthur. As they leave camp, they see a toadstool on the ground. David picks it up and brings it to Team Charming HQ. Regina’s like, “Sweet, thanks.”

OUAT 503-6But please note that did not require any skill whatsoever.

For some reason, Mary Margaret praises David like a kid who used the toilet instead of his diaper, so David is proud of himself for literally stumbling on an answer.

In Camelot, while David gets awarded his big seat at the round table, Mary Margaret stumbles upon a very not-dead Lancelot, who warns her that Arthur is a terrible villain and Camelot is not what it seems.

Later, Arthur reveals to his wife that he pulled a fast one on David (just kidding, it was slow, just like Charming) and has the toadstool. Gwen is proud of him because she’s just as shiesty as he is.

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