“Gotham” recap (2.3): Abra Ca-Barbara!

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I feel like after season one of Gotham aired, The Powers That Be told the showrunners that they wanted their Batman show to be more like the uber-successful Batman movies. And I feel like the showrunners heard “Take a page out of Joel Schumacher’s book!” and just ran with it. And so they did. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing; Uma Thurman’s campy Batman and Robin performance was one of my first girl crushes, which says SO MUCH about the women I’ve dated. But that’s a tale for another day.

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We open with Bullock and Gordon playing bad cop/bad cop on some lowlifes in an effort to avenge Essen’s death. This involves screaming in people’s faces and then tossing them out windows.

We jump to the Galavan Penthouse, where Tabitha is all leathered up and ready to head out. A post-coital Barbara slinks over to Tabitha, wearing a robe and some serious sex hair, and kisses her. Look, I’m all for pretty ladies kissing each other on TV, but I feel like all we know about Tabitha is that she A) likes leather B) is a lesbian and C) murders people. Barbara asks her to grab them some bagels, but Theo wheels in a breakfast cart full of toast and totally kills the mood. Tabitha kisses Barbara again, as if staking her claim, and storms out.

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Theo makes Barbara some toast and tells her his origin story: his ancestors built Gotham City and never got any credit for it, so he’s ready to burn the city down and reclaim it as his. He promises a larger role for Barbara in the next big plan, and promises to help her destroy Gordon.

Back at the GCPD, Bullock wants Gordon to call Penguin for help, but Gordon is concerned with the whole “killing a guy” thing. Instead, Gordon runs around the precinct yelling at cops to work harder, and reminds them that they lost 9 cops and Essen to the Maniax. He also refuses to let them take the crime scene tape down from Essen’s office. He even bitches out Lee, which is uncalled for.

got1And whoever keeps stealing my potato salad from the break room is going down too!

Lee tries to convince Gordon to take a break by inviting him to a Children’s Hospital Gala she’s spearheading. She promises him there will be a magician. For the rest of the episode, everyone keeps promising each other magicians and everyone else rolls their eyes because magicians are the absolute worst. I feel like the word “magician” is said at least 30 times. Gordon is in no mood for magic, so he blows her off.

Remember Cicero, Jerome’s blind fortune-telling father? Well, it turns out he’s been holed up in Gotham. He comes home to find Jerome and Tabitha waiting for him, ready to frame him for the Arkham prison break. He tries to talk some sense into his son, but Jerome is too far gone, and besides, he’s got a new daddy in Theo. When Jerome asks Cicero to tell him his future, he reveals that Jerome will birth a legacy of madness and death for Gotham.

got2If you spoil last night’s Scandal I swear to God…

This father-son reunion is cut short by the arrival of Gordon and Bullock, who bust into the apartment to find a can of knockout gas and a dead Cicero. Jerome taunts a woozy Jim before making his escape. Instead, Tabitha kicks Gordon and the face and the two make their escape.

It’s the Gotham Children’s Gala, a star-studded fancy shindig! Now, as any Batfan knows, whenever there’s a classy event, there will be A) a begrudging appearance by Bruce Wayne and B) some villain to crash it in a bold, theatrical manner. It’s like, the first rule of Batman. Sure enough, Bruce is dragged there by Alfred in an effort to appear normal. They meet Lee, and Alfred is instantly attracted to her. I liked him better when he was flirting with Lucius Fox.

got3 Hey girl, wanna party with a confirmed bachelor whose only friend is a prepubescent boy?

got4PASS, but I hear you make a mean sandwich

Bruce sees Selina sneaking around (in a truly hideous hairdo) and goes to follow her. Selina is, of course, pickpocketing the wealthy partygoers. Bruce tries to talk to her, but she blows him off. #StoryofTheirLife